fibrofears
New member
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2014
- Messages
- 5
- Reason
- Caregiver
- Diagnosis
- 08/2014
- Country
- NA
- State
- n/a
Moderators: I apologize for the repost. With 230 views and no replies, I think my old post was just too long. Please feel free to delete it.
Hello. Please help me. I need your help. Please forgive the long post, but know that I am grateful for your time.
My girlfriend of three years was diagnosed with fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome in September (symptoms noticed in July/August). So far, her symptoms seem pretty mild. She can’t work, but she is taking classes online.
I absolutely do know that fibro and CFS are real conditions, and I fully understand chronic unrelenting pain, due to a spinal problem.
I’ve spent dozens of hours reading hundreds of pages about fibro – forums, studies, anything I could find. I’ve worked hard to understand fibro and how my girlfriend feels. This prompted me to revisit the issue of children with her. I’ve read that 50% of children inherit fibro. I was also worried about affording children on one income (we’re not financially stable). Combine the costs and heritability of fibro, and I felt we might be wise to forego children. Over that, she broke up with me.
I love her. I love her so much that I’m obsessed with researching this illness, and with helping her. It’s all I think about. A huge part of me wants to go to her and explain my love and loyalty - to try one more time. We’d have to look at the potential future consequences of fibro, but I would explain to her that we could accept those changes, and that we could survive it together. I want to help so badly, and I know I can.
I realize that she doesn’t want to consider the possibility that we might have to change our dreams. I understand, but I know we still may have to do just that. After all, I may simply not be capable of supporting her, two children, my parents (I’m all they have), and myself, if fibro keeps her from working. And then, one or both of the children could have fibro too. Further, I will be moving across the world for her, and that will place my parents 10,000 miles away, increasing travel needs/costs.
I have some questions. Please understand: These concerns aren’t about me. They’re about our relationship. I know that fibro comes with a 75% divorce rate, and I think it’s important for both of us to understand hat sacrifices need to be made, and what fibro can take. Please be honest with me, and please don’t judge me.
1. Online forums make fibro look really, really bad. Is it that only the people with the worst fibro symptoms post in online forums? Or are forums representative of the norm?
2. Is it fair to bring a child into this world with a 50% chance of developing fibro, as bad as the condition seems?
3. Can the typical fibro sufferer fully perform as a parent? Is it realistic for the typical fibro patient to work as a parent? I obviously expect to share these burdens, but I know I can’t handle it all myself.
4. Does fibro cause life to revolve around the television? I know it’s limiting, but how limiting is it usually? Can someone with fibro travel actively (my family will be 10,000 miles away)? How badly does fibro affect sex life/drive?
5. At what point do you know the extent of a given fibro patient’s affliction – how bad it will get?
Please be honest with me, and please be fair to me. I have asked these questions for the right reasons. I’m the one who wants to beg her to work with me so that I can support her. I’m the one who wants to take this on voluntarily, all because I love her. If you could feel what I have felt recently, you would know that I am genuinely focused on her, on our relationship, and on my family.
I would be grateful to hear from caregivers and fibro sufferers alike.
Thank you.
Hello. Please help me. I need your help. Please forgive the long post, but know that I am grateful for your time.
My girlfriend of three years was diagnosed with fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome in September (symptoms noticed in July/August). So far, her symptoms seem pretty mild. She can’t work, but she is taking classes online.
I absolutely do know that fibro and CFS are real conditions, and I fully understand chronic unrelenting pain, due to a spinal problem.
I’ve spent dozens of hours reading hundreds of pages about fibro – forums, studies, anything I could find. I’ve worked hard to understand fibro and how my girlfriend feels. This prompted me to revisit the issue of children with her. I’ve read that 50% of children inherit fibro. I was also worried about affording children on one income (we’re not financially stable). Combine the costs and heritability of fibro, and I felt we might be wise to forego children. Over that, she broke up with me.
I love her. I love her so much that I’m obsessed with researching this illness, and with helping her. It’s all I think about. A huge part of me wants to go to her and explain my love and loyalty - to try one more time. We’d have to look at the potential future consequences of fibro, but I would explain to her that we could accept those changes, and that we could survive it together. I want to help so badly, and I know I can.
I realize that she doesn’t want to consider the possibility that we might have to change our dreams. I understand, but I know we still may have to do just that. After all, I may simply not be capable of supporting her, two children, my parents (I’m all they have), and myself, if fibro keeps her from working. And then, one or both of the children could have fibro too. Further, I will be moving across the world for her, and that will place my parents 10,000 miles away, increasing travel needs/costs.
I have some questions. Please understand: These concerns aren’t about me. They’re about our relationship. I know that fibro comes with a 75% divorce rate, and I think it’s important for both of us to understand hat sacrifices need to be made, and what fibro can take. Please be honest with me, and please don’t judge me.
1. Online forums make fibro look really, really bad. Is it that only the people with the worst fibro symptoms post in online forums? Or are forums representative of the norm?
2. Is it fair to bring a child into this world with a 50% chance of developing fibro, as bad as the condition seems?
3. Can the typical fibro sufferer fully perform as a parent? Is it realistic for the typical fibro patient to work as a parent? I obviously expect to share these burdens, but I know I can’t handle it all myself.
4. Does fibro cause life to revolve around the television? I know it’s limiting, but how limiting is it usually? Can someone with fibro travel actively (my family will be 10,000 miles away)? How badly does fibro affect sex life/drive?
5. At what point do you know the extent of a given fibro patient’s affliction – how bad it will get?
Please be honest with me, and please be fair to me. I have asked these questions for the right reasons. I’m the one who wants to beg her to work with me so that I can support her. I’m the one who wants to take this on voluntarily, all because I love her. If you could feel what I have felt recently, you would know that I am genuinely focused on her, on our relationship, and on my family.
I would be grateful to hear from caregivers and fibro sufferers alike.
Thank you.