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diamond

Legendary member
Joined
Sep 18, 2015
Messages
1,548
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
01/2008
Country
UK
State
anywhere
Do you guys worry about the impact on your partners if you are married etc especially when you have long periods when fibro gets so bad you feel useless and can't do or be what you once were and know your partner is not having the life they expected ( Or want).
 
Yes. But I just have to keep telling myself that if this guy is really as in love with me as he says, then he will be there for the long haul. If he isn't around, I know I will be ok on my own. Think positive thoughts and try not to look for problems that aren't there. If your partner was disabled would you abandon them? Probably not. If you are truly a team, you'll be team when times get tough too. When I'm really depressed about all of this, I do sometimes think about giving him an out if he wants one. I think he would be hurt if I told him he could go.
 
Above post says it all really.
But if u feel that bad maybe make a effort once a week to do something together.even if it's a meal out or a movie.
Fibromyalgia will rob you of everything if you don't fight it.
 
Absolutely! Very common concern amongst us I'm certain. It's hard to put on a brave face, especially on the bad days. I know my husband doesn't fully "get it". Some days he goes to hug me and I say ouch, he's like what's wrong? Really, after all this time? I've come to the belief that unless you've been dealt this fibro hand one will never truly understand the beast it is. I try to be the best version of myself. Am I burning up the corporate ladder? Not anymore. Am I a good person hoping for a bright future? Yep! Lucky for me we are approaching this as a team. I share my thoughts, ideas, research findings with him. Right now I'm tinkering with diet: gluten free, sugar reduction, probiotics. Who knows, maybe this will be my path to wellbeing?! If not, at least I'm eating better. Good luck on your journey!
 
You have a great attitude and i had it too ....we were a team ....but being badly hurt one time too many seems to have changed everything.I am going to really try and get myself together on a better day and start doing some more fun things together even if i hurt tons. Depression when things go so wrong and life gets so painful i find i am just acting out fake enjoyment ...it's a horrible bleak feeling everyday
 
I'm sorry! It's a balancing act. Things aren't rosy all the time for anyone. I move forward driven by the need to raise our daughter. It sounds like your mood, pain cycles have taken a turn. They go hand in hand...pain...despair....sadness....pain. I've struggled to come to terms with the medical community's lack of understanding and compassion for what we go through. In fact, last doctor visit I was told "you are healthy" I was overjoyed for a moment letting that sink in and realized it was another doctor not getting it. On the flip side, if I roll with it and view myself as healthy, maybe my body will follow my thoughts. I'm hopeful you can get more joy out of life. You deserve to be painfree and happy. Fake it until you make it is not a life motto but maybe it will help you turn the corner to good things to come. You are your own best advocate! When my vitamin D levels were low I could barely get off the couch, my energy levels were tapped. I take a daily D3 capsule and some lingual b12. Have you worked with a local vitamin/nutrition store yet?
 
Do you guys worry about the impact on your partners if you are married etc especially when you have long periods when fibro gets so bad you feel useless and can't do or be what you once were and know your partner is not having the life they expected ( Or want).

Worry is an understatement. Please forgive me if I blunt. I'm concerned for sure, worry? WELL I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THAT FOR SURE. I BELEAVE IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE PERSONS. IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS BUILT BY SUPPLY AND DEMAND, YOUR IN FORA TRIP. HOW CAN I SAY THIS WELL, MY RELATIONSHIP CAME WITH DEMANDS, THAT WORKED FOR OVER 30 YEARS, BUT MY SUPPLY HAS RUN OUT. II CAN NO LONGER BE THE SOUL, DOER OF EVERYTHING. SO I'LL FIND OUT. THIS IS NEW AREA OF COMFY, INTO UNCOMFORTABLE, FOR MY PARTNER. ALL I KNOW IS I MUST LET GO OF THE OLD ME, AND EMBRACE AND LOVE THE NEW ME, BRUSH THE DIRT OFF THE SOLES OF MY FEET AND MOVE ON. DOES THAT MEAN DIVORCE? MAYBE, AND IF THAT'S THE CASE HE HAS ONLY LOVED HIMSELF ALL THESE YEARS.
WHAT I DONT KNOW.....HOW WILL I MAKE IT
WHAT I DO KNOW..........GOD IS IN CONTROLL
HOPE THAT'S NOT TO BLUNT.
 
I do worry about that Willow, even though he is a great guy and very supportive. I tell him every day what hurts and how much, new pains or symptoms, etc... I know he's past wanting to hear about it but I told him once that I thought about keeping it to myself but then since he was used to me telling him all the time, he would think I wasn't in pain anymore so I have to keep telling him. I was both joking and being real.
I had about a month of extreme inflammation moving around my body. When it affected my feet and ankles and I couldn't hardly walk... looking more like Igor than his wife during this activity, then he got a new bout of , "Oh, yeah! This shtuff really is real!"
He helps with dishes and cooking and laundry when I'm having a bad day(s). I sometimes wonder though if he's thinking, "Well, somebody's got to do it." or "She's not feeling well so I'll do this for her."

We try to go out every Wednesday to play Trivia at the bar. I can't drink alcohol but its still fun most of the time. Sometimes I try to go when I don't feel all that great or I'm super fatigued bc I know he really wants us to DO something together and I feel guilty staying home.
 
Hi Cheryl Ann...yes i think i have done a lot of saying this hurts or if something is new saying out loud looking for understanding and reassurance.

I wish now on better days i had kept quiet but then if you are out and running out of steam and pain building its kind of natural to say why its time to gently make our way back to the car.

My partner was great most of the time but i had to endure some hurtful comments when i first got and explained fibro.

I was in shock as i had been so fit and healthy and he made comments like ' there are worse things than ending up in a wheelchair'....this was when i was hobbling around sometimes and didn't know why.

Some days i was really good back then and when i got intersitial cystitis and vulvodynia where all uti samples were fine he said but no one gets everything wrong like as if i was making up how bad it was .

My first flair of that was 4 months and often i could hardly sit down, was in bed sometimes with hot water bottles and was weeing 30 times a day.

In between the worst pain i kept doing lots and being as normal/fun as possible

I still tried to go out quite often and took the hot water bottle in the car and inside would be struggling but acting normal , chatting laughing etc so we had time out doing nice things

I kept all these little hurts inside and now my illness is more visible...and i truly can't do all the lovely things i could suddenly he seems to realize this illness is not just a few aches and pains and you get tired a bit more easily.

Why do men need to see the evidence before they believe this illness!
 
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