Seeking Feedback. Fibro, Anxiety, Depression, Fatigue or all or none?

[BlueBells]

I'm still learning about what is and isn't fibro.
Today.
I got going okay this morning, I had an early appt, 8:30, but an hour later, I felt dopey tired. By 10 I felt good, into work and then about 12 I struggled to keep my eyes open. By 1 I'm up and off again. (this is bookwork o the computer).

I find that I suddenly feel overwhelmed at the thought of what needs to be done 'now'. That has been, I need to get a particular thing completed, I need to prepare for a short trip, and one was simply deciding what to have for lunch. This is today, it is now about 3:30pm.

It's like I switch on and off all day, and if I keep pushing through, I find it feels like my whole body is tiring , like trying to walk through mud. I'm feeling a few 'tingles' here and there, which I know are warnings that if I keep pushing, tomorrow I may well be zombie-like. Then again, I may be bright as a button (not likely though).

I read @sunkacola 's post, and literally I could barely keep my eyes open, and I feel like my body is 'melting'. I'm writing now as I feel , because my head is starting to de-rail (you wouldn't read this if I didn't continually correct typos).

I still have work to do, it can take an entire day to get an hours work done. Part of me says relax and do it tomorrow, the other part says I've nearly finished. My sensible head warns, I may make mistakes when head sideways

All I'm asking, please, does any of this sound like . Hmmm. Confused. Could any of this be fibro or something else? I've been checked for anxiety/depression. So mild, I manage it with a counselor. I'm thinking it's possibly been mostly fibro all along. She's good to work with though.

I'm beginning to feel a bit drunk , very tired but not sleepy tired, if that makes sense. I'm learning not to get angry with myself. That's been a good improvement, because then I get depressed and cry and spiral into a big mess. At least on my own, no one sees that

I hope I posted in the correct forum, wasn't sure if this one of the one below it. I'm off now, typos on near every word as hands becoming very week and also pressing wrong keys.

Thank you for reading, hope not too boring a ramble

 

[sunkacola]

All I'm asking, please, does any of this sound like . Hmmm. Confused. Could any of this be fibro or something else?

Sure, this could be fibro. Could also be something else. Could be both fibro and something else. We cannot, of course, diagnose this. Hopefully your doctor(s) can.

No worries about posting in the correct forum; we are not hard core about that.

Feeling overwhelmed is very common with any disability. You learn in time to accept things just as they are in the moment, and make choices accordingly. Some days I have a plan of things to get done but the body says it cannot. So, I don't. But, then at 4 PM suddenly I have some energy. No time now to do everything I wanted to do but I can do one or 2 things and then feel good about that. Other days, I don't get anything done and I am OK with that because there's nothing I can do about it, and if there's nothing I can do about it then it's not my fault or responsibility to change that situation. You just do your best and that's good enough.

 

[BlueBells]

Sure, this could be fibro. Could also be something else. Could be both fibro and something else. We cannot, of course, diagnose this. Hopefully your doctor(s) can.

Thank yo so much for your reply

Over the years I feel like I have slowly been going nuts. Everything is 'nothing wrong'. I don't even tick sufficiently for depression nor anxiety anymore. I did for a few years, 30 odd years ago, but that was when I was coming to terms with what a doctor diagnosed with some long name, (which I did see here somewhere ) and mostly my daughter telling me to back off when she'd see signs of it affecting me.

Having her accept it helped me accept it, and that made a world of difference.

Some days I have a plan of things to get done but the body says it cannot. So, I don't. But, then at 4 PM suddenly I have some energy. No time now to do everything I wanted to do but I can do one or 2 things and then feel good about that. Other days, I don't get anything done and I am OK with that because there's nothing I can do about it, and if there's nothing I can do about it then it's not my fault or responsibility to change that situation. You just do your best and that's good enough.

That's exactly what I am trying to do, and yes, it does help heaps.

I struggle, though, when others (work related) require things to be done, and I 'overwhelm' and crash a bit.

I am learning to control that a bit, by distracting myself. I'll wash some dishes, check the letterbox, put a load of washing on. It sort of re-sets my brain a bit.

Then I write a list of what needs to be done, and do them in order of time lines. Sometimes I do a bit of this, a bit of that, trying to be aware of the building frustration, and nipping it in the bud, so to speak.

Sometimes, it's just "not today".

 

[BlueBells]

Hi @sunkacola and @JayCS and anyone else

I have a short business trip coming up, one or two nights away, and trying to pack early so I have less stress on the day before I leave.

Could fibro be responsible for temperature flying up and down, confusion as to what to pack (I mean, how hard is it!) and general muddling around. It always happens, I'm always fine, but it really is annoying.

I did wander around (google) and ADD throws a lot of this up, but I was clinically checked for that about 15 years ago, and not that.

Just idle ramblings, but I figure if I ramble as it happens, might be a more accurate description than after the fact.

I remember someone (name escapes me) mentioned being called hypochondriac as a child, and I got that too, followed by "it's your imagination". I keep (overthinking) wondering if I belong here, fibro, or whether I don't fit the criteria. Hence the queries.

Ahh yes, dragonised by the gremlins maybe, maybe not

 

[sunkacola]

@BlueBells , as with the other things you have asked about, the only answer anyone can give you (especially here, where we are not doctors) is that fibromyalgia could be the source of what you are experiencing, and it equally could not be the source of what you are experiencing. The thing is, asking this question will not get you answers. More to the point, really, is to do what you can to ameliorate these things.

A lot of people feel confusion as to what to pack for a trip (hence, most people overpack to a ridiculous degree with things they don't need), so that is so common it's probably not related to fibro. Many people get muddled when leaving home.

I keep (overthinking) wondering if I belong here, fibro, or whether I don't fit the criteria. Hence the queries.

Honestly, I don't think the queries will get you anywhere.

But, as far as whether or not you "belong here", you belong every bit as much as anyone else does, including myself. The only people who don't belong here are those who cause problems, or who are obviously making things up or just writing down their anxieties over and over, and we get those folks sometimes but not very often. You are definitely not one of those people. And no one minds your asking these questions.....don't misunderstand me.....it's just that it's maybe not very productive for you to ask.

Maybe if a doctor gives you a formal diagnosis it will ease your mind. But in the meantime, you are always welcome here and we are happy to support you in your work to adapt to this and your journey of discovering what kinds of things are helpful to you.
Take care on the trip, and be careful not to overdo it.

 

[JayCS]

I second all of @sunkacola's words.

It always happens, I'm always fine, but it really is annoying.
... I did wander around (go-ogle) and ADD
... called hypochondriac
... I keep (overthinking) wondering if I belong here,

So... sounds like you ... already sort of ... realize how useless the worrying is, plus the worrying about the worrying, cuz making it worse, and "worser".
Next steps might be to blatantly and frankly admit that;
then why not use some of the many techniques "how to STOP ruminating"....
But: You belong here, like sunkacola said, even/esp. if you can't stop wondering.

By the way, if you want to prevent ending in a moderator approval queue, there are certain trigger words that need to be bungled up, most commonly "goog le".
@Auriel's way of doing that (= ggle) is the prettiest and illustrates its nosiness .
Or like me use the not-nosy alternative search engines like duckduckgo and startpage.

 

[sunkacola]

By the way, if you want to prevent ending in a moderator approval queue, there are certain trigger words that need to be bungled up, most commonly "goog le".

Actually, there is no need to use that word at all. Just write "lookup...."
Exactly the same number of letters, same number of key strokes.
Or, write "search" which is even fewer.
These days, everyone will know what you mean.

 

[BlueBells]

But, as far as whether or not you "belong here", you belong every bit as much as anyone else does,

And no one minds your asking these questions.....don't misunderstand me.....it's just that it's maybe not very productive for you to ask.

@sunkacola and @JayCS Thank you so much for your replies. Yes, I do go over things a bit, and I know I need to get past that. Apart from one friend, this site is the only place I can seek feedback, and after 50 odd years of questions, they do tumble a bit.

Re the search, by the time (reading over a few times) I'd figured that might be it, the 'edit' option was gone. In my silly 'overthinking', I wondered if I had overdone questions, too.



In the short time I have been on this site, I'm surprised how much my mind-set is changing. To find others that, all over the world, are in the same boat. I can feel the stress gradually going, I have more ability to accept that fibro does these things, to everyone, and just leave it be, work with it, and not fight it.

Someone mentioned that it is part of us, not to fight, but accept. Such profound words indeed.

So... sounds like you ... already sort of ... realize how useless the worrying is, plus the worrying about the worrying, cuz making it worse, and "worser".
Next steps might be to blatantly and frankly admit that;
then why not use some of the many techniques "how to STOP ruminating"....
But: You belong here, like sunkacola said, even/esp. if you can't stop wondering.

Indeed @JayCS !!

I've sort of answered you both together, as your replies are pretty much the same I've had counselors tell me that, but when one cannot figure the root cause of much of the worry, it really doesn't work very well.

Now that I am getting a better understanding of the gremlin, I am trying to work with, and together I am making progress. I am stressing less and sleeping better as I am getting confirmation of what my friend has said. Not that I though he was wrong, but it's good to find more people saying the same thing.

Thank you so much for being here, and that goes for all the others on the site as well.

By the way, I came across that 'rewards' thing, please don't think I post or 'like' posts to gain ticks, I am so not like that at all
Than you again, so much

 

[sunkacola]

@BlueBells , I am glad this forum is helpful to you.....that's what I like to hear, and when I do it makes all the time and effort spent here more than worthwhile for me!

but when one cannot figure the root cause of much of the worry, it really doesn't work very well.

So, here's the thing about that:
Needing to find the root cause of something is a bit of a losing game much of the time. If something can be fixed....it's a leaking faucet, and you find the place it is leaking and then you can fix it.....then it's very useful to know causes.

But most of the time when we are dealing with something another person has done, or a lot of people are doing, or politics, or illness, or an accident that happens to us.....in other words, things that we cannot change or "fix".....feeling as though you Need to know the cause is a waste of time.

People often do the "why me??" thing. Not saying you are doing that! I don't think you are, just using it as an example. Questions like that are never answerable, because there simply is no answer. Things happen, and that's it. It's not punishment - the universe doesn't run on a merit system.

Similarly, there is no answer to why people get fibromyalgia or what causes it.....at least not yet. So spending time wanting to know why is time wasted. And when it comes to wanting to know the root cause of our having a tendency to (fill in the blank....obsess, worry, feel anxious....etc) that's a reasonable thing to want but spending time and energy trying to figure it out may be also a waste of energy. And thinking you need to know the cause of it before you can overcome or change it is self-defeating.

With some things it's not necessary to know why, just to deal with it and overcome it if possible. Now, with some psychological things it does help to find the source, and that exploration, often with a therapist, can be fruitful. But it's important to be discriminating on this and to ask oneself: does this even have an answer I could find? If I found the answer, would that genuinely change anything? Could my energy be better spent in managing and doing what I can to change what I don't like rather than searching for a root cause?

These are questions only you can answer. but they are worth taking the time to consider.

 

[BlueBells]

These are questions only you can answer. but they are worth taking the time to consider.

Dear @sunkacola

You are quiet insightful

Seeking root cause, well. In teens,(and ever since) I wanted to know what was 'wrong' so I could repair it. No answers.

Then throughout my marriage, I'd have difficulties with whatever it happened to be at the time, he's ask why this, why that, and I would answer quite honestly "I don't know why".

That was always met with 'of course you know, you just won't admit it/say it' Years later I found out this was actually verbally aggressive behaviour, but either way.....I did not know WHY !!!

Come along a friend in mid 2019 says "have you been checked for fibromyalgia? I think you might have it"

Yay!!! I'm learning that the "root cause" is most likely fibro. I am now in the process of accepting that, and having a 'name', a 'reason' a 'root cause' gives one a starting point to reference.

What you said is much like I have been telling myself, but to hear it from you, it validates it, if that makes sense.

I honestly feel so much more hopeful since finding this site. I feel deep gratitude to those who started this, and to people like yourself and @JayCS whom have given such excellent feedback.

You are good eggs

 

[JayCS]

as your replies are pretty much the same

Yeah, we try to read each others' to build on each others' rather than to repeat too much, but sometimes it's too much or one is quicker with finally posting, also "same but different".

the 'edit' option was gone

Not sure if I said so already: The more you write here, the longer you'll get that option....

 

[BlueBells]

Hi @sunkacola and @JayCS and anyone else

I have a short business trip coming up, one or two nights away, and trying to pack early so I have less stress on the day before I leave.

@sunkacola and @JayCS !!!!

Long read, but I learnt a lot. I think I needed to unload. Never know, someone may get something from it

That trip occurred on Wednesday 23 and Thursday 24 August. As per usual, things were disorganised, Tuesday unexpected unplanned but last minute things in home town, one being new pair of shoes, and ended up with men's, as none in women's my size, but broader, and actually more comfortable, and so, finished packing late at night. All good, got to bus at 5:30 am, going to plan.

Get to place I needed to be, but one bit of info incorrect, meaning I needed to go back home, get correct paperwork, and head back next day. All's good, handled that well

From home town to city, 4 to 4 1/2 hours each way, depending on the route. Catch an early train, be home by 6:30pm or so. Great! Not so great. Thirteen minutes into trip, track issues, eventuating in a few hundred of us waiting in a car park, no shelter or anything for hours. Busses took us from that station to one the other side of track issue and wait for train, once again open air. Total about 4 hours, standing in open air, (remember those shoes? Feet handled it well, bit of swelling, but broader shoes handled it well). It got to be chilly, overcoat weather, but most only had jackets as had been a warm day. We waited from 3pm to roughly 7pm, and most people would have been home by 5pm, 6:30pm at the latest, so not expecting the cold night.

Waiting for the busses, I got impatient (others were coming straight off trains and going straight to busses, while us first comers on the first train to stop, were bypassed). I pushed in and got on the bus, then self-talk berated me. All of us were going from A to B and train would not go until we were all there. If I'd only waited Ten More Minutes!!! Anyway, got home later than the late train would have on a normal run. All's good

Next day, on the 5:30 am bus again, correct papers, off we go. Get to city, off train and head for tucker (food). Get wallet get wallet! oh no! Search pockets, bag, while going back to ticket area and the lady refused to let me go back to the platform and look for it.

Eventually, the Travel Assist people gave me a temporary travel card. Hardly 'assist'. They mucked me around for almost an hour! Fibro starting to really kick my head by now, as I usually need a rest day after a big day. BUT I kept remembering...Ten More Minutes.

By now, what would have been one and a half hours to get to appointment is now half an hour. Trams, no money for taxi. GO to tram area, no idea which one, ask, but each person stranger to the city. Back to Assist. Reluctantly they told me tram numbers and stop number. Wow. Helpful.

Okay, there are the trams. Saw some people selling stuff, asked them for assistance, they told me "far side tram, and change at the end of that run" I crossed the street, got to the trams......Yep! Which tram did he say?

Asked a fellow and he said which tram, and when I confirmed, he said he's on same tram, go with him. Short term memory was circling. He told me he was getting off the stop before me, but the tram terminated at my stop. While on the tram, I called bank and stopped my cards. No idea what I had in the wallet, so stopped all of them. Figured wallet gone, left it at that. I "let it go" as I was getting to one-track thinking and didn't want to distract myself. (That's a first for me, I usually stress myself to a mess )

Okay. Off the tram. I see the others. Plural. Oh Ask the conductor type guy, he told me which one, so off I go. Get about five metres...now, was it heading this way or that? Fibro fog setting in. Go back and ask. This time I got about two meters. Ask again. Got it this time, repeating it in my head over and over. Almost to trams....What did he say????

I'm applying the Ten More Minutes all the time, keeping myself from stressing. Go back to the fellow, and I explained that I have fibro, and the fog is messing my head and memory is in one ear and out the other. He very kindly escorted me to the trams, and when I , again, asked which one, he took me to the correct one, told me to stay on that one until my stop, checking I knew which stop. Assist did at least write that for me. I felt okay asking, the time constraints didn't give me an option, and I didn't have time to feel guilty. Well, I started to second-guess myself, and I said "no time for this, shove off. I've got to get there full stop!" Yay for me

While on the tram, I got a call saying my wallet had been found intact. That was when I realised how much I had "let it go". It was something I could do nothing about, and instead of stressing, I just let it go. My daughter was going to drive down and get me, I wouldn't be stranded, but I wasn't stressed.

I got to the appt, ten minutes late, but got there. Meant things out of whack and not Friday pick up, but that ten minutes late meant it would be Monday.

This time the afternoon train got me home at 6:30pm Daughter picked me up and we went shopping (she hates shopping) and I felt pretty good. Head a bit sideways, but good.

Took me three days to recoup, BUT I learnt a lot!
Ten More Minutes! Patience. Just a few more minutes. It is amazing the difference it makes.
Let It Go. Do what you can, but don't hang on to and stress when you have done what you can.
Fibro Is A Disability. Sometimes, just admit it and ask for assistance. It's okay. The world won't stop.
Stop Feeling Guilty. Everyone requires assistance at times, in all sorts of ways. When you find your limitations, do not feel guilty because everyone has limitations!!

Footnote. Talking with the people at Luggage Haul, where lost property lands, I explained what had happened with the lady refusing to allow me to go back and look for the wallet. The lady at Luggage Haul was quite surprised.

When I picked the wallet up, she said a directive had gone out to all staff that if a passenger believes they have dropped something, they are to be permitted to go back and look for it.

I was surprised that was not already the case, but hey, maybe my not getting angry, (frustrated, yes), but not angry, not attacking nor abusing, maybe that will help out a lot of people from now on

 

[JayCS]

Brilliant, @BlueBells. Similar here. Left my bank card and ancient phone on our table tennis table outdoors on Monday, only realized 8h! later. Didn't care! But did go to look, of course it wasn't there. Stopped the card, like you, asked police, yesterday & today lost property. My wife got angry at me, but apologized the next day. Didn't care. She asked today if I hadn't got loads of 'memories' etc. on it (meaning text messages). Well, yeah. Don't care... This is totally opposite to my behaviour a few years ago, where I panicked, got mad at myself, was totally out of sync for weeks edit: - even tho I always got it all back inside of a few hours to days, and now it's 2 days. Radical acceptance. I'll have to change my habits in future, nothing more... .
Edit: It does make a difference, too, that my life has become very slow anyway, working much less, not commuting.
But still need to now work on my blood pressure in the daytime and de-stress even more, doing NSDR a lot in the daytime now. So keeping calm is (now) good, getting upset is (now) bad. Before, I lived in a common social belief set if something goes "wrong" you have to get "upset". That's something that flashed up in the reaction of my wife. Just playing all these life occurrences like rummy cards dismounts all that. That's part of what has made my quality of life go up instead of down.
Same now finally getting cancer excluded. Or at least prostate has been, rest still no results. People around me had been worrying and are now relieved. Altho it wasn't just about prostate, but I'd best let them believe that. I wasn't worrying, now I'm not really relieved either. Is that a downside? I checked roughly what prostate cancer entails, and it didn't particularly worry me. Take it as it comes... and change what I can.

 

[BlueBells]

This is totally opposite to my behaviour a few years ago, where I panicked, got mad at myself, was totally out of sync for weeks

@JayCS Thank you.

Wow, Jay. That's just like me! I'd get so angry at myself it would take days to settle. A situation like I had, both of which I've never had anything like before, and I'd be a panic attack for sure, and, I survived ! I think very much in part to the way I have discovered on this site the "normality" of fibro, and to accept it as it is, and get on with life.

I'm also feeling that , in the past few weeks, I am sort of coming out of a 'cloud'. That cloud has hung over me for a year or more. The friend that 'diagnosed' me said the four others he knows with fibro have said similar at times, not noticing in it, but noting coming out of it. I'm hoping the the enthusiasm I feel will help me progress with many things that have been dormant this past year.

I mean, I'm still foggy most days, everything is 'normal' , but a definite lightness in the air, and I like that

Thank you, all, so much for being there, thank you for this site , (that I still cannot join).

 

[JayCS]

thank you for this site , (that I still cannot join).

Well, you've already now used the f-word to quickly help a person get the perspective & understanding or at least inkling for what your challenge might be, I think that qualifies for honorary member .
(Seen my long edit above?)