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DoobieBrother

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Joined
Dec 5, 2016
Messages
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DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
10/2008
Country
Can
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PE - Prince Edward Island
I thought long and hard about this post....hmm, maybe not the best choice of words with which to begin such a thread !:shock: Lemmee try again ;)

I'd like to know if other men have similar difficulties when it comes to marital relations, FM, and opiates. If dealing with pain, lack of sleep, depression, anxiety and the other nasty symptoms were not enough, taking opiates makes things even more.... well.... flexible. My doc prescribed Cyalis to combat this problem, but it only works if I am pretty much opiate free for a few days before hand. Any suggestions ?

Now, this was not a big deal at first, when cannabis was all I needed, but the past year or two my pain levels have gradually risen to where I need a few percocets to get through a day. This all means that spontaneity is pretty much dead, to the point where the decision to 'go' or not depends on how I feel at that specific moment.

I know it's not my fault, as does my wife, yet it always bothers me when things don't work as they should. Am I alone in this, or would it be safe to assume that this is relatively common ?

It goes both ways. I assume that women who suffer from FM have similar dissapointments (?). It's impossible to feel frisky when your skin is on fire or your hips and knees feel like someone is using a sand blaster on them! How do you cope as a couple ?

Thanks for taking time to read my post.

DB
 

diamond

Legendary member
Joined
Sep 18, 2015
Messages
1,547
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
01/2008
Country
UK
State
anywhere
teehee my answer is simple and not helpful to you..i have given up! I hope other people can be more helpful and i fear my long winded story of how that side of my life dwindled despite my best efforts will not be encouraging. So I will leave it at that and say i tried and managed some kind of love life at the start of fibro but my girls bits are so badly affected now its not possible.

I grieved this side of life changing for a long time but now quite frankly im in too much pain to care. Good Luck i am sure you will get much more positive advice from others.
 

medicmurphy

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Feb 15, 2017
Messages
205
Reason
DX FIBRO
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00/0000
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Alberta
Ya, libido suffers when a painful chronic condition takes over your life. My girl parts gave up a while ago too. Wish it was different. My love life rocked at one time. :(
 

diamond

Legendary member
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Sep 18, 2015
Messages
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DX FIBRO
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Thanks for adding your comment medicmurphy i feel a little less of a failure for knowing Im not the only one ...life now is more rocking chair! :(
 

vickythecat

Senior member
Joined
Jan 5, 2017
Messages
364
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
01/2013
Country
EU
State
Earth
I have not had sex with another human being in more than 10 years. It is one of the main reasons I am avoiding love, dating etc. I would not be able to handle the physical aspect of sex, especially with another human body to consider, a person I also want to pleasure. But thankfully I do and can occasionally still enjoy self-love, which I know makes me lucky, with all the meds, aches and pains.

All anti-depressants that I have tried for pain and/or depression, have cut down the very little libido that I had. It is like these drugs make everything completely numb, thus including the most sensitive parts of one's body. The aches and pains, fatigue, feeling ugly and useless etc. do not help either...

As a man, I guess it can be more difficult to accept one's new reality. I would not know what to tell you to be honest.

But I do know one thing about being in a relationship. You love your partner and we, women, want to feel that love. It is so very important for us. It is often not just about the physical aspect of sex or the orgasm. We want to be hugged, cuddled, we want to be taken care of, given small thoughtful unexpected gifts etc.

As with the physical side, well, it could be time (if you have not tried already) to maybe try some sex toys. They could also have a positive effect on how you feel as well. Or any other method to increase sensuality in the bed room - give your partner a massage and let her give you one. Tickle each other and laugh together. Take 10-15-20 (!) minutes to only kiss each other.

I would personally give everything to feel loved....being hugged, kissed, touched, thought of, and taken care of. But fibro has taken that away from me as well.
 

diamond

Legendary member
Joined
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Messages
1,547
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
01/2008
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UK
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anywhere
Ah dear vickythecat your story brought a tear to my eyes....i hope one day you might find someone to give you at least part of what you crave..the love and affection and cuddles...my body even hurts too much for the self love you speak of and orgasms are now excruciating and for some reason went from the right feelings to..like you say a mixture of numb and also severe pain.. that then also caused bladder and pelvic pain for days or even weeks that is not infection...just more of fibro and nerve sensations gone wrong. So i obstain..but maybe for a guy it is different and like you say a bit of variety and other forms of intimacy would at least keep you connected to your wife DoobieBrother.
 

Forgetmenot

Extremely helpful member
Joined
Oct 6, 2014
Messages
1,377
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
70/2010
Country
UK
State
Hertfordshire
Well ,sex used to be something u did when u wanted to.but now you need to do it when you can.dont be so hard on yourself.
If u feel up to it.no pun intended hehe.go for it.if u can't u can't.i have a sex life.do I pay for it.yes I bloody well do.
I do understand that being a man you need parts to work in order to get jiggy.but if it's more to do with pleasureing your lady.then there are things u can buy.
So yes you can have a sex life.but you will pay a price for it.once you except that you might find the pressure off.
 

diamond

Legendary member
Joined
Sep 18, 2015
Messages
1,547
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
01/2008
Country
UK
State
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Forgetmenot you always make me smile....teehee the way you put things! :)
 

DoobieBrother

Active member
Joined
Dec 5, 2016
Messages
58
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
10/2008
Country
Can
State
PE - Prince Edward Island
Thanks for the replies ladies, I appreciate your time and effort.

Seems I am more fortunate than others here, in that my love life is just that: alive. Limited, shackeled (but not in the 'good' way ;) ), but alive never the less. Speaking from a male POV, at least intimacy does not cause me pain in itself, if you don't count the pain caused by physical exertion. The issues I face in this department seem trivial compared to Medic, Willow and Vicky. Forgetmenot, you may have said it best when you wrote " yes you can have a sex life.but you will pay a price for it.once you except that you might find the pressure off."

With medical assistance, and good timing (between flares,for instance) I have a decent success rate in the um..... erection department. My wife, God love her, is very understanding and patient, yet I feel I'm not holding up my end of the bargain, if you catch my drift. Call it male-egocentric pride, perhaps hard-wired into my 'maleness'; I still feel as if I let her down, even though I know I am not. Being married for over thirty years helps me cope with that little negativity, oh and yes Vicky we do include toys, literature, videos, music, and a lot of cuddling to keep the spark burning.

I am so sorry for those that have lost this part of their lives to FM. I have lost what I consider to be HUGE parts of my life as well, primarily being very physically active and actually quite atheletic (played on two hockey teams as the same time for decades, as well as hitting the gym every other day, and I absolutely love that part of my life. My wife used to tell me I had the face of a forty-year old and the body of a twenty-something! It's not the same as loosing one's sexlife, but to me it is one of the worst parts of this horrid disease.

Thank you once again for answering my questions ladies, you are appreciated.
Hugs to you as well

DB
 

medicmurphy

Senior member
Joined
Feb 15, 2017
Messages
205
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
Can
State
Alberta
Your welcome Bro >insert fist bump<. I do understand the male ego component to your post. Believe it or not women also posess a similar ego. Don't we all wish to trigger stars, colourful explosions and angelic choirs in the throws of passion? Lol Sounds like you have a loving and understanding wife. You've got this thing beat with her alone ;-)
 

diamond

Legendary member
Joined
Sep 18, 2015
Messages
1,547
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
01/2008
Country
UK
State
anywhere
I really like the community spirit on here right now..so many people actively participating and helping each other regularly ....sometimes it goes quiet but i for one appreciate the way everyone, male, female, young, older and at all stages of fibro are throwing their experiences into the ring.

I hope this thread helps you DB..at least you can maybe see you are not at the worst end of the spectrum and it seems you do still have a pretty good love life considering this condition...and without being rude sound like maybe in your 50's when even healthy guys sometimes have 'failures' and need a bit more help ..if you get my drift.

The big O for me is so excrutiating i can actually remember the month and year i last gave it a go....and after a few years of dealing with the consequences it gradually changed my whole perception of sex from pretty adventurous and 'angelic choirs' lol as per medicmurphy to a tortuous experience...and im not kidding for those ladies who have had babies the pain was on that scale!

Anyway nice to get some male perspective on all aspects of this illness...your wife sounds a treasure...and also us ladies love the snuggles and affection and even naked cuddles..we don't always need or even want to be swinging from the chandeliers!
 

medicmurphy

Senior member
Joined
Feb 15, 2017
Messages
205
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
Can
State
Alberta
:lol::lol: Lol willow, especially when the chandelier lands on top of us
 

DoobieBrother

Active member
Joined
Dec 5, 2016
Messages
58
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
10/2008
Country
Can
State
PE - Prince Edward Island
willow;295620...... The big O for me is so excrutiating i can actually remember the month and year i last gave it a go....and after a few years of dealing with the consequences it gradually changed my whole perception of sex from pretty adventurous and 'angelic choirs' lol as per medicmurphy to a tortuous experience...and im not kidding for those ladies who have had babies the pain was on that scale! Anyway nice to get some male perspective on all aspects of this illness...your wife sounds a treasure...and also us ladies love the snuggles and affection and even naked cuddles..we don't always need or even want to be swinging from the chandeliers![/QUOTE said:
I am so sorry you experience torture instead of pleasure Willow. Not sure how to put this without having it sound awful... but hearing that others struggle as well, irregardless of the fight's relative intensity, it somehow makes it easier to cope. I know you get it, even though I'm struggling to clarify my thoughts.

Oh I should have mentioned another side-effect of opiates on the male member - they make reaching orgams difficult to impossible. I'll leave it at that for now.
 

Forgetmenot

Extremely helpful member
Joined
Oct 6, 2014
Messages
1,377
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
70/2010
Country
UK
State
Hertfordshire
I'm on opiates.lucky I don't have the problems of getting the big O.but I to suffer after.right now I'd settle for a cup of tea and a chocolate hobnob.grins
 
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