Struggling to cope

[BlueStein]

Hi all. I've lived with fibromyalgia since 2014 (diagnosed) and like since 2010 undiagnosed. I'm a mom to a 10 month old baby. I'm a freelance writer, working about 15 hours a week. And a wife. In my pre-fibro life, I used to be a competitive weightlifting athlete, power-yoga teacher and personal trainer. Now I struggle to do more than 10 minutes of exercise from pain and fear of triggering extreme exhaustion when I know my 10 month old needs me all day to be at my best.

I also live with type 1 diabetes and celiac disease, since I was a kid -- both of which have never been a major obstacle for me because they basically require type-A personality management all day. But fibro, there's only so much I can do...or NOT do.

The past couple months have been increasingly hard. Not necessarily pain but insomnia and depression. I want to scream at my husband (trying not to). I want to just cry or runaway. I can't snap out of it. I don't know how to feel like myself again.

I take cyclobenzeprine at night -- which is the only thing that's ever made me capable of continuing my writing job -- the muscle spasms in my hands (and legs and neck) made it impossible to type before I was finally diagnosed.

And I just started taking Lunesta to help me sleep, but even after just 4 or so days I'm wondering if it's making me feel more miserable during the day?

I just miss who I used to be. Diabetes and celiac never got in my way. Fibro gets in the way every moment.

 

[Cheryl Ann]

I hear you BlueStein. You'll find, as you read other posts, that a lot of people with FMS also suffer from insomnia and depression, among other ailments.
I have insomnia in the extreme right now. I think its due to a steroid shot that I took in the arm/shoulder at my rheumatologist's office. I had scary inflammation and she said it was the shot or Prednizone and I am definitely not going back on that! It didn't agree with me.
I have had depression and anxiety for several years now, which is also common for FMS people. Now, I'm not depressed all of the time but when I am, I call it a flare. Its just another type of flare-up. Right now my eczema and psoriasis are laring and I've developed yet another new skin conditon. I have no idea what it is. I have had my husband take pics for 2 days now. I think its going away now. But I saw it on accident on my elbow. Just two large, hard lumps that looked like they had a black head to them but they weren't blackheads or any type of pimple. Today they were an angry red and still hard. What the heck! That can be depressing but since I've had depression for awhile now, I'm much better at recognizing it and pulling myself back out of it by doing things that I like and as a last ditch effort, i hold a pencil in my teeth for 1-2 minutes bc it causes the muscles in your face create a smile which triggers your body to release endorphin.
I hope I helped a bit. Just want to let you know that you are in a good place here. People are very kind and supportive.

Peace

 

[Forgetmenot]

Welcome. Half the battle with Fibro is learning to live a whole new life,
And if your a high flying fitness freak then it bloody hard to get your head around.nearly everyone here has piled on weight ,got depressed shouted and had mini tantrums.
Pain most ppl deal with OK ,but losing who u are and what u look like is a killer.
I'm not going to tell u to snap out of it ,because at the end of the day it's a journey u have to make alone.
Your still in there poppet but you have to come to terms with the fact this isn't going away anytime soon.we can't make its faster or better for u ,but we can be here when u need to vent. When u need to cry .or when u learn a new way of coping with something and sharing it was us.i no right now u just want to hear someone tell u they got better ,but we can't.but together we can cope knowing someone out there feels a crappy as we do .xxxx

 

[ellabrighteyes]

Good morning. what forgetmenot said, learning to live a whole new life: that's a kicker. Like you I was ms. go-go-go. "i can do it" was my mantra. more work? bring it on. friends need help or advice? i'm the go to girl. work out an hour a day, focus on staying super slim? all over it (although since i have an ED maybe i took it to the extreme). now hear i am, so tired today i already had a nap, and all i want is to go back to bed so i can rest my aching body. it is so hard to wrap your head around this new lifestyle of taking it slow and easy, not overdoing. the anger is totally understandable. i too just want sometimes to rage and scream and fight over the unfairness. but it is what it is and the people on this forum are super supportive with great advice. it takes time to come to terms and adapt to a new chronic illness but you can do it. just remember to be kind to yourself, be patient.