Terrible body aches

carolx

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I have lost 3 of my family 2 of which were 16 weeks apart. To say I'm not coping is an understatement. But this past week I am now in so much pain all over my body. Muscle pain in legs back arms. It's so bad I'm walking different. I have not seen a doctor yet as I have physio soon. But just wondering if anyone can tell me if this sounds like fibromyalgia
 

sunkacola

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Hello carolx,

I am so very sorry to hear of your losses. That is a very hard thing to go through.

Very often, severe grief like what you are going through will produce physical symptoms. I myself have experienced fatigue, muscle pain, stomach upset, intestinal misfunction, and other physical symptoms while going through the most acute stages of heavy grief when I have lost someone I deeply loved. When I say acute, I don't mean just the first few weeks; it can last for a long time. I believe this is what you are experiencing, and it has been known to continue for months after the loss, even a year and sometimes more.

Fibromyalgia is in part defined by very long term and consistent pain, widespread through the body. You don't mention how long ago this terrible loss happened. But unless the pain you are experiencing has continued for more than a year, it is very likely to be a physical reaction to grief rather than fibro.

While fibro can be started by trauma (and severe loss is trauma), you won't know if that is what is happening unless it continues for a long time, and you are tested for the other physical disorders that might be causing it.

I want to say that you may be coping better with this than you think you are. The thing is, there is no one way or even ten ways of coping with a terrible loss and the resulting grief that is "more correct", or "coping better" than another. There is absolutely no Right or Wrong way to deal with and experience grief, no matter what anyone tells you. I know, I have been there myself multiple times and have been with others multiple times.

Whatever you feel is OK, whatever you need is OK. No thoughts are wrong. There's really no such thing as "not coping"; you are alive and writing in to this forum for advice and help and that is coping.

Do not let anyone tell you that you should "get over" it or do anything else in any sort of time frame. Even if this has been going on for a year or more, that is reasonable because that is YOUR was of dealing with it, and you get to have your own way of dealing with it. True grief is not something you "get over", but it is something that in time you get used to, and you make space for it in your heart and mind and life, and then it doesn't take up your whole world all the time. This comes with time, but that doesn't mean "time heals all" or "yoou'll feel better in time". It just means you adapt, as all creatures in the world do when their circumstances change.

In the meantime, take the best care of yourself as you possibly can. Rest. Get light exercise. Go outside in nature if you can. Distract yourself when possible with things you like. Talk to someone if you have someone to talk to. Don't let anyone try to "fix" you, though, as it is important to allow yourself to go through this and feel everything you feel. You will survive it.

Come here to get support ay time. We are a caring bunch of people here and whether a person has fibromyalgia or not they are welcome to seek and receive support.
 

carolx

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Thanku very much for your reply. It means a lot. I lost mum in April and sister in August. I also lost my brother in Oct 2020. I am now without all my growing up family. I am in grief counseling but the pain in my body has just started a week now. To the extent I'm struggling walking about without pain. Brain fog is awful. I took my grandkids for a meal. While I sat there every part of my body started to ache right to my toes. Doesn't make sense. I have physio for my arm soon as thought was tennis elbow. I will ask him more. As the aching is awful. My kids and huaband just want old me back. I have people saying to me it's fibromyalgia. But who knows really. Thanku again for your words
 

sunkacola

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Doesn't make sense.
Please be assured that this does make sense. Many, many people experience physical pain from a terrible loss. Your body is expressing the loss, which is terrible for you. Plus, you have to assimilate that you don't haveyour growing up family any more and that is also terrible. This is a burden beyond what most people experience with one death. So it makes perfect sense that your body would be involved in this and y ou would feel pain.

Please be assured that this body pain will not last forever.

I am in grief counseling but the pain in my body has just started a week now.
I am glad you are in grief coounselling. I found that it helped me one time when my mental pain had gone on for two years. My physical pain continued for about a year, although it did ease up at points. It didn't entirely go away, but that is because I am pretty sure that for many years prior to that I already had undiagnosed fibromyalgia. I had experienced physical pain for a long time; it just got worse and different when I had the loss.
My kids and huaband just want old me back
Sometimes with a terrible loss like this there is no getting the "old me" back. And your husband and kids need to understand this. If they don't, please ask them to go see your grief counseller or another one themselves so it can be explained to them probably better than you can explain it. After the loss of my partner, I have never been the same person since and never will be. I cannot be who I was, because who I was included my beloved partner.

You cannot be "the old me" again, because that you included your family! They were a part of you that is now gone.

This does not mean that you will experience what is going on now forever. You won't. But it is unreasonable for your husband to expect you to bounce back and be who you used to be. He needs to give you time and space and be patient. If he won't do this when you ask, ask him to see a professional who can explain it to him. And talk with your grief counseller about this and ask advice on how to explain this to him. You do NOT need the added burden of pressure from him. And he needs to see that he is placing an additional burden on you by asking for it. Your kids don't understand, and it's hard to explain this to them unless they are adults themselves. But if your husband understands he can help them to understand.

Not being the old you is not a bad thing! Not bad at all. Ture, you will be a different person without a part of you that you used to have. But the different person you have become and are growing into will also be most of all the parts of who y ou have always been. Your personality won't fundamentally change. You will probably get to a point where you enjoy once again all the things you used to enjoy, uless something is a trigger for you because you used to do it with your Mom or another person you lost.

You will also grow from this. You will possibly be more compassionate and understanding of others. You might be more accepting of life. Maybe not those things, but others just as interesting and positive. But this takes time.

I say all this from my own experience. I no longer do the hobby my partner enjoyed so much to do because it feels as though i cannot do it without my partner. But I do other things and enjoy them. I am more understanding toward people in deep trouble and/or grief. My capacity for compassion has grown. I am still fundamentally the same person but I have grown in many ways because I carry with me that loss.

Please give yourself time and patience.

People saying to you that you have fibromyalgia after only a week of pain are displaying their understandable ignorance of grief and even more so ignorance of fibromyalgia.

You don't have fibromyagia, you have grief.

A week's worth or even 6 months worth of pain after a loss like that is nowhere near enough time to indicate fibromyalgia, let alone diagnose it. So be asurred that is not what you have.

Don't go down the road of thinking you have fibro because it won't do you any good; it will only add to your burden. Just be with your grief and know that every single thing you feel mentally and physically is NORMAL for someone in grief.

And be kind to yourself.
 

cookiebaker

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I have to agree with what Sunkacola has said... grief can be both mental AND physical... and it is something that each of us experiences differently.

My partner and I lost our parents all within a year or so.. first his mom, then mine, then his dad... so I can kind of understand the major sense of loss you are feeling. And yes, it is a LOT to process in a relatively short time frame. all of this was back in 2011-2012 for me... I still have moments when I miss my mom something awful.. she was also my best friend, and there were so many things that we shared in common..

Take care of yourself, process things at your pace, and know that it does get easier with time. It wont ever completely go away, but it will ease.
 

carolx

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Thanku for that great reply. I no you are probably right. It's just hit me how physical the pain was last night right down to my toes. But I need give myself time as u say. I had it after my mum died and ended up in hospital with what was thought a heart attack when it was severe grief. Then after my sister some weeks back I haven't even took it in yet. Thanku so much. The pain is a tiny bi better tonight though my walking is painfull.x
 

Auriel

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Please see a Dr, it's really important that you get this checked out , I can 100% attest that severe trauma can contribute to fibro. (Mine starting after pstd from past peoples unwanted actions and behaviours) it's so sad to lose family in such a short space of time, your husband has to be there for you now, (for better or worse) and this is a bad time for you, but as I said you do need to see a dr, to 1 diagnose and 2 to see what can be done, and some bereavement counselling won't go amiss either, take care, keep in touch to let us know how you are πŸ€—πŸ˜™πŸ’“πŸ€—
 

sunkacola

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Please see a Dr, it's really important that you get this checked out , I can 100% attest that severe trauma can contribute to fibro. (Mine starting after pstd from past peoples unwanted actions and behaviours) it's so sad to lose family in such a short space of time, your husband has to be there for you now, (for better or worse) and this is a bad time for you, but as I said you do need to see a dr, to 1 diagnose and 2 to see what can be done, and some bereavement counselling won't go amiss either, take care, keep in touch to let us know how you are πŸ€—πŸ˜™πŸ’“πŸ€—
Auriel, I must disagree with you on this.

While it is true that fibromyalgia can be and sometimes is started by trauma, I it is very much too soon for carolx to think in those terms.

She has had this pain for one week, after a recent loss. There's no chance that it is fibromyalgia at this point.

If she goes to a doctor the most likely thing is they will write her off (which will just add to the trauma), tell her it is in her head (ditto) or give her pain medication. If pain medication is used, it may be something that is addictive. I think it is much better for carolx to work with the grief counselling.

Pain medicine over-the-counter is worth trying, and I encourage you to do that, @carolx But hold off on anything else, and give yourself lots of rest and time.

A doctor cannot diagnose anything about the pain at this point, and if one did it would be very premature. And going through a bunch of tests is not going to be helpful when a person is barely getting through the days.

Carolx, I advise you against what Auriel says above (so sorry, Auriel...I have to call it as I see it). No disrespect meant whatever to Auriel, who is a valued member of our group here. But going to a doctor or thinking about fibro would not be the best idea right now. You have more pressing and clear things to deal with. If you are still in just as much chronic pain in 6 to 8 months, that would be time to go see a doctor.

And of course, everything anyone here says is meant to offer help, but not to tell you what to do.
Ultimately it is, of course, entirely up to you to decide what is best for you. Whatever you choose to do, we will be here to support you every step of the way.
Take care.
 

Auriel

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I do hope physio advises a gp visit as a week/2 weeks however many weeks, pain is pain and it's new pain and as its affecting your walk (well that's not good) it may or may not be fibro, who knows,? also thank you sunkacola I know I'm valued on the forum (by members) from my many likes + loves I've received from the only year I've been on here for πŸ‘ŒπŸ»
 

fimi

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thank you sunkacola I know I'm valued on the forum (by members) from my many likes + loves I've received from the only year I've been on here for πŸ‘ŒπŸ»
Oh yes... you are soooooo valued lovely Auriel! You put the sparkle in the forum ✨🌟✨ πŸ’–:love:
 
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fimi

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carolx ... hope things improve for you soon and you do what's best for you - doctors or not 😍
 
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Auriel

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Oh yes... you are soooooo valued lovely Auriel! You put the sparkle in the forum ✨🌟✨ πŸ’–:love:
Thanks fimi, and you do too, that was gonna
be my next message for carolx to do whats right for her as its her health experience, it was just if i knew someone who was experiening that, id want them to have it investigated to find out and see if theres a fix πŸ’πŸ’žπŸ’
 

fimi

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Imo - any new pain that persists like this should be seen by a doctor, regardless of what you're going through at the time ... just to be safe.
Depending on the doc, they can sometimes be the sympathetic ear some people are in need of, even for a few minutes. As waiting for grief counselling can take time...
 
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