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cyberpuppet

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Joined
Jul 23, 2014
Messages
27
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
04/2006
Country
UK
State
Wiltshire
If there is one word that drives me mad beyond all others with fibro it is the "L" word - LAZY. For me it is either soul sappingly depressing or makes me so mad I overdo things trying to prove I am not and end up with a flare.

When I first diagnosed and being seen by different professionals one of the occupational therapists told me that she hates the word because every case she has seen has involved people who were the opposite - the ones who never stopped, never took a day sick, and who breezed through daily life making it look easy. Yes I was one - the woman with 4 kids who would be up dressed organized with babies and equipment and everything apparently while other mums were struggling to get the right clothes on the right child and I could not work out why people thought it was worth commenting.

How many of you were also busy bees? Never going sick (even when you were), always on the go?

I have had to learn to stop - to do things slowly and to pace myself and rest. When I am at my best I am living life at extended holiday pace - frequently stopping to watch the world go by. What I do achieve takes more proportionately than it would a normal fit person. So I get called (by those who dont know me) lazy - and it hurts. I may be congratulating myself on being out of bed and downstairs but someone sees me as lazy because I am sat in a chair when there is housework to be done.

Does anyone else hate this word - do you get called it. Should it be banned?
 

Loftpat

Senior member
Joined
Aug 12, 2013
Messages
374
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
08/2013
Country
US
State
ME
Oh yeah. I was a mover and shaker. Work hard, play hard. Fortunately my friends and family understand. It still hurts, though, when someone who doesn't care to know makes hurtful comments.
 

wulfman

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Joined
Jul 27, 2014
Messages
105
Reason
Relative
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
IN
State
NY
Yep sometimes it is difficult to distinguish between my chronic fatigue or being just lazy and wanting to stay in bed for hours and hours.
 

Mowmow

Active member
Joined
Aug 31, 2014
Messages
30
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Other
Diagnosis
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NY
My parents constantly call me lazy. They are older now and don't realize how hard it is just to get up and take care of my kids. Once I'm up, I have to do everything right after another before I completely lose the drive to do so. I'm so tired, all the time. They forget because I am the baby of the bunch and its been 25 years since they had a baby. Worse off then the L word, they call me stupid. It makes me so mad, because I am trying my best. It always feel like my efforts are not good enough for them. No one truly knows how hard your life is and they have no right to criticize like they do.
 

nascarmike

Senior member
Joined
Nov 7, 2013
Messages
227
Diagnosis
06/2013
Country
US
State
rhode island
That's pretty harsh on your parents part. I can't ever imagine my parents being mean like that.
 

flightybird

Member
Joined
Sep 2, 2014
Messages
12
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
03/2013
Country
US
State
TX
I am the WORST about using this word towards myself. I have always been a hard worker and a very involved-in-everything sort of person, but now there are days where I go to work, come home, and just flop on the couch and don't move again until it's bedtime. The same goes for weekends, except that I feel like I just move from bed to sofa and back again. My fiance is the kind of guy that, even on his days off, hardly sits down. He is always cleaning or fixing or doing, and although he never calls me lazy (and disagrees with me when I say I am), I feel like a lump that never does anything compared to him.

I wish I could ban myself from even thinking that nasty "L" word.
 

mariposa

Senior member
Joined
Apr 19, 2013
Messages
459
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
US
State
PA
Well you certainly hit the ol' nail on the head here when discussing the most annoying things about peoples' reactions to fibro. It's maddening, I know... and people who don't understand what it is, or the pain it causes, or the damage it does, are always so lacking when it comes to critical thinking that "duh, must be lazy" is all their weak minds can come up with.

To answer your question, neither of my close friends with fibro were ever excessively busy to the point of "never stopping", no... but there is no way on earth they were ever lazy either. They had jobs and were very hard workers but always knew when to take some down time, too. That's vital, I think.

For someone to assume people can't work outside of the home because they're too "lazy" is just so extremely unacceptable and more than a little maddening. :sad:
 

mariposa

Senior member
Joined
Apr 19, 2013
Messages
459
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
US
State
PA
My parents constantly call me lazy. They are older now and don't realize how hard it is just to get up and take care of my kids. Once I'm up, I have to do everything right after another before I completely lose the drive to do so. I'm so tired, all the time. They forget because I am the baby of the bunch and its been 25 years since they had a baby. Worse off then the L word, they call me stupid. It makes me so mad, because I am trying my best. It always feel like my efforts are not good enough for them. No one truly knows how hard your life is and they have no right to criticize like they do.

:mad: :mad: Wow, a double mad face... that's unusual for me. Okay, you do know that this is verbal / emotional abuse, right? It doesn't *matter* how old you are... if parents are calling you lazy and stupid, it's emotional abuse. I'm sorry that you have to go through this!

Do you have any way to get counseling or other kind of help to get out of this situation?
 

suzie

Member
Joined
Sep 3, 2014
Messages
14
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
10/2004
Country
CA
State
ON
I had more energy than anyone I knew.. and now.... NOT! I hate it, but I have learned to accept it. I do things slowly. I can't jog anymore. I moan and groan when I bend and reach etc. I know I am not lazy and that's all that matters. What others think, whether it's that I am spoiled, lazy, whatever... that's them judging me and that's their problem. Remember that. It's what you know about yourself that matters. Be kind to yourself. Only you know the truth and that's all that counts :)
 

Trellum

Legendary member
Joined
Jul 17, 2013
Messages
1,788
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
04/2011
Country
NL
State
NL
I was a very active person as well, but this disease, extreme anxiety and depression stopped me. Now I take one day at the time and I leave the rest to God. I no longer care if someone calls me lazy, they can go hell for what I care. I lways think of the classic: ''Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind!''.
 

AlexF15

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Joined
Sep 7, 2014
Messages
19
Reason
Relative
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
US
State
Arkansas
Yeah, I don't like being called that. Just don't let it affect you and you'll be fine. <3
 

wulfman

Distinguished member
Joined
Jul 27, 2014
Messages
105
Reason
Relative
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
IN
State
NY
Yea I got that too a lot growing up, especially from my dad.
 

cyberpuppet

Member
Joined
Jul 23, 2014
Messages
27
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
04/2006
Country
UK
State
Wiltshire
I am the WORST about using this word towards myself. I have always been a hard worker and a very involved-in-everything sort of person, but now there are days where I go to work, come home, and just flop on the couch and don't move again until it's bedtime. The same goes for weekends, except that I feel like I just move from bed to sofa and back again. My fiance is the kind of guy that, even on his days off, hardly sits down. He is always cleaning or fixing or doing, and although he never calls me lazy (and disagrees with me when I say I am), I feel like a lump that never does anything compared to him.

I wish I could ban myself from even thinking that nasty "L" word.

It took me several years to even get close to not using it on myself. Even now I sometimes have to give myself a stern talking to and recognize that I am driving myself too hard.
 

blonde55

New member
Joined
Aug 11, 2014
Messages
5
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
00/0000
Country
US
State
alabama
that's mental abuse! no parent should tell their child no matter how old, that they are stupid. I don't know your parents but I dislike them!
 
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