The Struggle Is Real

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You just said it so perfectly. Yes yes yes. When was really honest with myself about my body and life I started living in a way that maximized my well-being and joy. And yes, then it got easier to start seeing unhealthy people as people I didn’t really owe my health nor joy to.
 
It's surprising how much that we can be triggered. Possibly long after others have forgotten we may still be spiraling over something awkward. There's helpful advice here that is worth reflecting on. It's certainly been timely for me with the anxiety and discomfort from feeling obliged causing relapse. I shall be having a drink tomorrow night, wishing all a more palatable time over the Christmas period.
 
Similar, praps more extreme here...:
I'd reduced my social interaction to honest, warm and friendly and nothing else even before fibro.
And since fibro, tough luck for them if any person can't cope with a no or with me having to do weird or slow movements or going home after 30 minutes with a short "got to go now" and sometimes "was really nice!" sometimes just a deep warm look and a wave and no words at all.
This is the season of Love, not of obligations and guilt. Presents can be a part if they come from the heart, but I don't believe in them, nor in the commerciality.
I do come from pretty severe anxiety(-es), esp. social, but therapy, mindfulness, etc. helped me out before fibro.
 
Same here @JayCS
I have had social anxiety all of my life plus I am an introvert, so even before my fibromyalgia I kept my circle small and intimate and, like you, kept my social visits brief or would not attend at all depending upon the occasion. Introverts, like me, feel drained after a social gathering whereas extroverts get charged up from social interaction. Socializing is very important for good mental health, but we don't all need or want the same amount of it. I always look forward to spending time with my closest friends and I also really enjoy my time alone, unless you count my little boy dog, Coby. Speaking of him, he is a service animal to me, certified by my doctor, and helps me with my anxiety and major depressive disorder.
 
Introverts, like me, feel drained after a social gathering whereas extroverts get charged up from social interaction.
Hehe, now you say it I think I'm both at the same time, which has contributed to a lot of tension in my life from childhood onwards - loving to speak with people, to people, work with people, getting charged up and drained at the same time, being scared as heck even to call a waiter or pay for goods at a checkout, let alone small talk with no "action" to hold on to....
I wouldn't say I've completely succumbed to introversion now, but fibro makes me keep the peopling (= socializing) to a minimum.... That even includes my wife to a certain extent. I need more time for myself, not talking. Writing like this or mails is the best way for me to communicate - in your very fitting words charges me up without draining me, usually. Whilst before, as more introverted than extraverted, my partners were my big focus in life. (Too much so for my wife, so she's fairly pleased, at least about that part of fibro etc., cos she needs time for herself and others too. Just she'd say I'm once again "exaggerating" in the other direction now 🤣.) And I wasn't at peace with myself. Getting a grip on my anxiety before fibro and now learning to self-care and putting myself first without at all putting others "last" has let me find peace. At last I don't have to run around seeking "something" or else "distraction" anymore, don't have to define myself by what I "do" any more. A blessing. A true happiness I never had before. Happy most of the time, despite having no energy. The simple life I believed I was aiming at when I was a kid, which turned out pretty complicated in between, and has now unravelled - simply being. (That reminds me of the beautiful Peter Sellers satire "Chance the Gardener" = "Being There" - no coincidence that I'm voluntarily taking up gardening now, something that'd always been much too boring to me, did it to please, not for fun (much).)
 

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wouldn't say I've completely succumbed to introversion now, b
Just want to say here that introversion is not something you succumb to or aspire to. Sadly, introverts are often seen by society as antisocial or something's wrong with them. That is not the case. Introversion is just as acceptable and normal as extroversion. Many famous people, Albert Einstein for example, were extroverts. We need both.
 
Just want to say here that introversion is not something you succumb to or aspire to.
Of course you're right, generally, that these personality traits aren't right or wrong.
However my first partner being introverted in a jealous ('I don't like you meeting friends'), withdrawn, anxious, sectarian way ('most people are bad'), led me further away from meeting people and to my social phobia by reinforcing my shy & anxious side.
I didn't realize that at the time and did actively try not to get into the same mindset, and managed to slowly improve hers too. But it still made it hard for me not become withdrawn and more anxious.
To come out of that social phobia I had to reinforce my outgoing side again and learn how to cope with the panic and fear of meeting and talking to people.

So I do see a certain danger of introversion possibly leading to social anxiety - what do you think about that?

Also despite overcoming the social phobia, I still find certain events like all birthday parties stressful, altho I wouldn't call that phobic any more. They make me feel tongue-tied, nervous, awkward. However I still aspire to go to some and reduce that stress mentally. As I know people less extraverted than me are not stressed, which shows how introversion and social anxiety is not the same.
So coming back to
Introverts, like me, feel drained after a social gathering whereas extroverts get charged up from social interaction.
I'm thinking that feeling drained is something that can be influenced to some extent, e.g. by changing the kind of interaction, learning techniques of conversation, breaks from it.
Also I'd go as far (as opposed to many) to think personality traits can be changed to some extent to fit better to our values or to feel better. That it involves changing mindset, with which therapy can help. I get the feeling that many people are prepared for neither (not you!) and so negate that it is possible to change yourself - praps it isn't for them.
All still agreeing with you that it no way is it wrong to be introverted. But it can be a strain, can't it?

My wife is quite a bit more extraverted than I am, which leads to tension the other way round than in my first partnership. This has got easier since my introversion now sort of has a physical component. By the way she is jealous of "my computer" (that's how my therapist termed it) and finds it hard to accept that mailing & writing on forums is also communication. She thinks it's bad to be a quiet "puppet" as she calls it, whilst she gets tense when I don't, but instead hyper around with my mental energy and bustley nature instead. So now I'm on both wrong ends of that stick you're referring to as well... but still love her lots... - she's actually great help for me, just she has her own issues and needs in that area.

I've often thought introversion vs. extraversion is one of the main relationship problems...?
 
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So many things are true. Perhaps we are predisposed to one personality trait, but life can train us to adopt another. I used to be very extroverted but I don't think it served me well. With very very disturbed people filling my work day and then some other disturbing personal incidents I learned to enjoy myself as my company and now i love silence. Now I can get easily drained by it all...

Early in life I behaved as an extrovert because I was looking for more fun, excitement, for the moment to feel more alive than it did...Not sure if this makes sense but in the restaurant industry there is a lot of drug abuse. I don't think it's a coincidence that those extroverted people have higher rates of such problems. When you need interaction with others to get refueled you are sort of vulnerable to the whims of others...
 
Whether intro/extro is a main problem I'm not sure...I think it can be a big prob for extroverts because they want their partner out and about with them. For the introvert a mismatch is not such a big deal perhaps? The intro stays home and enjoys the time their partner is out socializing.
 
The intro stays home and enjoys the time their partner is out socializing.
Yeah..... I see what you mean. But this I've seen'll often be spoilt by the extraverted partner nagging or worse about it or more generally both being unhappy in daily life that they are so different in this way, have less common ground, although praps they are theoretically attracted by their opposite.
Also an introvert might be needing if at all just a few friends plus that one "deep" relationship which theoretically fulfills all their needs - a high expectancy - whilst the extravert can fulfill their needs with many different less deep relationships.
That way jealousy often creeps in: "Aren't I enough for you, don't you love me?" or jealousy of certain people, even bitching about their partner phoning with friends too long. The introverted side of my wife isn't jealous of anyone I write with, just with all that time I "waste" on the computer, which to me however is the key/door to the world - to help, knowledge, communication, music making and listening, job... It helped me/us that my therapist called that "jealousy", but also that she's now started reading and more online too (an hour or sometimes up to four), cos she's now developed the need to keep up to date in the world, rather than the exaggerated fictional world of her books.
 
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It's interesting to read the experiences of other introverts. After a lifetime of bottling things up, stewing in the stress around others, it's helpful to turn away from the noise and read a sobering reminder of the impact it has on us.
 
Of course you're right, generally, that these personality traits aren't right or wrong.
However my first partner being introverted in a jealous ('I don't like you meeting friends'), withdrawn, anxious, sectarian way ('most people are bad'), led me further away from meeting people and to my social phobia by reinforcing my shy & anxious side.
I didn't realize that at the time and did actively try not to get into the same mindset, and managed to slowly improve hers too. But it still made it hard for me not become withdrawn and more anxious.
To come out of that social phobia I had to reinforce my outgoing side again and learn how to cope with the panic and fear of meeting and talking to people.

So I do see a certain danger of introversion possibly leading to social anxiety - what do you think about that?

Also despite overcoming the social phobia, I still find certain events like all birthday parties stressful, altho I wouldn't call that phobic any more. They make me feel tongue-tied, nervous, awkward. However I still aspire to go to some and reduce that stress mentally. As I know people less extraverted than me are not stressed, which shows how introversion and social anxiety is not the same.
So coming back to

I'm thinking that feeling drained is something that can be influenced to some extent, e.g. by changing the kind of interaction, learning techniques of conversation, breaks from it.
Also I'd go as far (as opposed to many) to think personality traits can be changed to some extent to fit better to our values or to feel better. That it involves changing mindset, with which therapy can help. I get the feeling that many people are prepared for neither (not you!) and so negate that it is possible to change yourself - praps it isn't for them.
All still agreeing with you that it no way is it wrong to be introverted. But it can be a strain, can't it?

My wife is quite a bit more extraverted than I am, which leads to tension the other way round than in my first partnership. This has got easier since my introversion now sort of has a physical component. By the way she is jealous of "my computer" (that's how my therapist termed it) and finds it hard to accept that mailing & writing on forums is also communication. She thinks it's bad to be a quiet "puppet" as she calls it, whilst she gets tense when I don't, but instead hyper around with my mental energy and bustley nature instead. So now I'm on both wrong ends of that stick you're referring to as well... but still love her lots... - she's actually great help for me, just she has her own issues and needs in that area.

I've often thought introversion vs. extraversion is one of the main relationship problems...?
Yes, it can sometimes be difficult, especially in a culture where we are indoctrinated to be outgoing, to go along with the crowd, extroverted. Introverts get a bad rap in the US (I cannot speak to elsewhere). I don't know, Jay, about introversion LEADING to social anxiety, but a combination of a normal introverted personality and a mental health disease of social anxiety can definitely be dangerous, where one exacerbates, intensifies the other (kind of like adverse drug interactions). I find that I DO have to make time to be social to be at my healthiest mentally, even if it's just smiling and saying hello to someone, which is something I always do whether I know the person or not.
I do think that an extreme introvert is not a good match for an extreme extrovert, vice versa. There are, in my opinion, levels of "severity" in both extroversion and introversion. I am single and I make sure to put in my dating profile(s) that I am an introvert, but also list many of the things outside of home I enjoy doing. I prefer to be romantically involved with someone who is less introverted/more extroverted than myself. I believe that to be a healthy balance whereas each partner complements the other. Again, level of "severity" matters. I could never be with an A-type, extreme extrovert. Would drive me bonkers. LOL.
 
I think it is apropos here for me to say that one of my very favorite words and a description of my ideal lifestyle is 'balance'. I always try to strive for a healthy balance in all areas of my life. :)
 
Balance is something a lot of us struggle with - I know I do.
I am definitely an introvert - I dont mind being alone most of the time. And the last couple of years have really reinforced that behavior.
I dont "people" in person very well anymore..
I have no problem chatting with folks online, or on a forum, but to physically go out in public? yeah.. i dont want to.
 
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