tips on dealing w awkwardness


May 2, 2024
Hi guys, been a while since I've posted here ! Back again to complain lol
I've had some pretty interesting news on my progress from my doctor recently, and idk how but I always have a problem conveying health related stuff to my parents.
My dad is in denial I have anything, while my mom isn't, but she firmly believes science sucks and the local herbalist could do more than a doctor
Anyway so when I gave them the news my dad just looked away and awkwardly answered "ok" a couple times. That didn't feel good tbh, I needed to let that out
I don't get how some people have no awareness/ communication skills for that stuff. I'm at a point where when I have appointments w my doctor I tell my parents I'm going out to see a friend or smtg, to avoid unnecessary quarrel or awkwardness
Feel free to comment what you think abt all this ofc
Hi pandoralys, it can be quite frustrating speaking to family and friends about Fibromyalgia. I find it difficult enough talking to doctors let alone family and friends. They tend to say very little or say nothing in response. It can leave one feeling more isolated and misunderstood, but perhaps they're not sure what to say.

Perhaps your dad will come around in time, despite other people's reactions and opinions on our condition, I guess we can only be clear in short with them and focus on our own health. In that way we don't waste energy pursuing change and let people meet us halfway in time.
Here's what I think, for what it's worth.

There will always be people in my life who do not give me what I want, or hope for, or expect. When this is someone that I feel I should reasonably be expecting something from, it can be disconcerting or sad or deeply annoying when they do not provide that. But this is something that always happens in relationships, and my emotional reaction to it is only that. It doesn't help or change that person, and unless I have reason to believe that they are actually being malicious I have to assume they are only doing what they can do, and are not able, for whatever reason, to give me what I think they should.

When it is a friend or a family member or partner, it's easy to feel they should be supportive in the way we want them to be. But by no means does that always happen, no matter how reasonable it may be for us to expect it.

If the lack of support is serious enough for whatever reason, or goes so far in the opposite direction that it is actually harmful, then the sensible thing to do is terminate the relationship.

If it is simply a disagreement about how things should be done, and it is an important relationship, the best course is to agree to disagree, if possible, and not discuss that topic with that person. This can salvage a relationship.

If it is a lack of response that you feel would be appropriate, but there is no malicious intent or harm from it, and again if the relationship is important enough to keep then sometimes the only thing one can do is realize that that person is, for whatever reason, incapable of giving you the response you want and/or need. In which case, the most sensible thing is to find that support and response elsewhere, and stop expecting it or being upset because you don't get it from that person. Instead, focus on the things in that relationship that are good, that make it worthwhile to continue.

Of course, if the relationship is actually a toxic one, then it is more healthy to terminate it.
I have found the best way to help family (or others) understand is by giving them articles or videos to educate them. It's often easier for them to learn it from someone else...
I also find like @sunkacola indicates, some people just cannot or will not try to understand or listen. So it's best to agree to disagree.

I find I have little energy to help myself, and so for me, I will not waste energy trying to convince ( even those closest to me ) to alter their ways of thinking, or their willingness to face up to a complex condition.

We are working with living with chronic debilitating health conditions. In some ways We need to be ' selfish ' enough to give extra priority to our own needs. An invisible illness is hard for some to understand. I have had to accept that a lot of people may feel dismissive our health, or just won't attempt to understand.
So I mentally walk away. I cannot afford the negative energy in trying to convince them otherwise.