Too Stressed for words

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JennyRhae

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So, they say stress kills and I fully believe that. It has certainly made me more sick than I would probably be without it. So, what do you do when the stress is so much, but you have no real options to eliminate it? I know that is vague and it's because it's a long story. My family situation, with my mother and brother, is a hotbed of stress. But, if I abandon my brother because he is the stressor, then everything will fall on my rapidly-aging mother. I can't allow that to happen! If stress kills, then she has at least a toe nail in her grave and that is unacceptable. So, any suggestions, advice, tell me I'm a wuss, anything really.
 

1sweed

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I will tell you how I handle rude and uncaring or just plain stressful people in my life. I learned this long ago when I had to deal with a very nasty hateful sister-inlaw. It is called, " learn to play the game." Some people seem to enjoy making us do all the work or making constant demands, or sometimes just running us down and hurting our feelings. It gives them power over us when we respond by getting upset or mad, or crying. They seem to take a special delight in making us feel guilty for the things we are unable to do or how we do them.

I used to get so stressed when my relative would say I was doing things just to get the family money. The thing was I had more money then my husband, and was not out to take anything from anyone. So my feelings were hurt and I cried a lot. Plus my husband would not defend me he just said that is just the way this person is and he even joked about it. So I learned to play the game.

What you need to do when around such people is put on a brave front. When they say things that cause you stress, just take a deep breath and say oh your so funny, the things you say. then laugh and walk away. After a few times of this it usually makes them a bit shocked and unsure of how to attack or make you feel bad. You will own the power and they will not be controlling your emotions anymore.

I am not saying that it is easy. The best you can do is avoid being alone with them. Surround yourself with good family members and don't let them see you cry or get upset. When they start talking in a fashion that upsets you walk away. If you can't leave then change the subject. Do your best to act normally as if what they do does not affect you. After a while they will either change their behavior or notice your not affected by their comments anymore and leave you alone.

Please read the sections where we talk about managing stress and ways you can relax.

So walk away or make a joke about what they say about you, or look them right in the eye and laugh, then walk away. If they truely care about you then they will treat you better as time goes on. When you are alone you can cry or write your feelings down in a journel, or pray about it or come here and we will try and cheer you up the best way we can.

It is going to be okay. :)
 

mariposa

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So, what do you do when the stress is so much, but you have no real options to eliminate it? I know that is vague and it's because it's a long story. My family situation, with my mother and brother, is a hotbed of stress.

I haven't had to deal with this myself, but I've seen first-hand how other people handle it. Bottom line is that they don't let the trouble-maker have an upper hand. When it's something that's an untrue accusation, I've seen one person just smile and say "My! You certainly have quite an imagination there!" That was it... and then leave so that it can't turn into a back and forth.

I know that wouldn't work for some people and they'd just follow after with more badgering, but I think it's probably worth a try.

When I *do* come across people I think may turn out to be that personality type, I basically avoid them like the plague.
 

twiztc

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Oh playing the game... I know that one well as I have a "player" in this house. I don't play. If a chase is called for I stay still, if a fight is wanted I walk away, if a hurtful remark thrown at me I make fun. You need to turn around stress makers like Sweeds said. It's not always easy and I still fall into traps but learning to turn things around does help a lot.
 

mariposa

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Oh playing the game... I know that one well as I have a "player" in this house. I don't play. If a chase is called for I stay still, if a fight is wanted I walk away, if a hurtful remark thrown at me I make fun. You need to turn around stress makers like Sweeds said. It's not always easy and I still fall into traps but learning to turn things around does help a lot.

This sounds like a wise way to handle that type of person. I agree about the traps... sometimes they get so bent out of shape when their attacks, traps, and badgering doesn't work that they actually make a conscious effort to try harder. :(
 

kat744

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Managing stress can be hard especially if the cause of it is something you can not discard away. Family stress is more distressing because one can not wish away family neither can we choose which family to belong.

The only option is to hold on and try to be as positive as you can other wise if you give up, the stress will take you down.
 

sagar

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Hello,
Is this all happening with your family then you need to take all the responsibility and be a a man of the house. Then see the results and don't let other down from this you can deal with stress.

** spam-vertising link removed **
 

Trellum

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I completely agree with 1sweed! Playing the game has helped me a lot, specially with my annoying sister in law. Sometimes you just have to act like everything is fine and is impossible to hurt you, that can make them want to give up trying to annoy you. Because when you show them what they want (see you hurt and suffering) you are giving them what they want. My approach nowadays is to simply ignore and act like everything is just fine.
 

exploreandrespawn

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These are some amazing suggestions here. I can only add that it may be important for you to find a local support group. I suggest trying Find your people to find some people in your area that can possibly aid in listening to you, assisting you. Message boards are great, but you really do need a hug from someone that understands. What you are going through is a nightmare. I know that some people find the Binural Beat videos on youtube a great stress reliever. Others like to watch stand up comedy on youtube as well. I actually read that there are now places where people, who are undergoing stress go to smash things. that's right, they go there to just smash things up. I saw an interesting clip from Japan, where executives finish off the day by smashing plates against a wall, as they say it relieves stress. The point being, there are different ways to let off the steam. I'm sorry you go through this, blessings to you.
 
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TomRalphio

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I have to agree with what 1sweed said. It's really odd at first but soon enough you'll get used to it and be much more confident and comfortable with it.
 

apike

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I know all too well what this is like. We have a family member who tends to cause more stress than others. Honestly, I look out for the rest of my family and myself. I try to help this person when I can, but I realized that sometimes it's just better to deal with the things you CAN control and not worry so much about the other stuff. I love my family and I'm willing to take on the stress that comes with it, but I've also realized that sometimes, there are days when I have to manage my own stress levels and pain. I've learned to do a few things that help relax me here and there and I've also learned when to bow out if it's just too much. I also agree with 1sweed!
 

sanders89

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I think that when you are in a situation like this, and suffering from this disease, and trying to hold it all together the last thing that you need in your life is stress. And the people that love you, and that you surround yourself with just need to be understanding of the situation and not create stressful situations for you. I am sorry about what you are going through, and I say you need to think about yourself first. Just cut out the people that bring stress and bad energy into your life, when they miss you enough they will find away to leave the drama at home and just be there for you. It's okay to think about yourself and what you really need.
 
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