Trying to please everyone im exhausted

[angib]

HI to all and warm hugs , i have a wedding and a 60th bday to go to in a month or to and feel that i have to attend them both ,the wedding will be a long day but i need to be there the 60th starts at 8pm and a hr journey from where we live , i go over to my mums now and then to chat , havent been to my sons house and my other son is living just over an hour i feel awful not going but my M.E is also debilitating i ache getting up the stairs and no energy in my legs . i push hard but i think i just have to think of myself , luckily i see my sons as they come here to see rest of the family to, sorry ive gone on a bit , warm hugs Angieb

 

[SBee]

Hello @angib i accept your warm hug - its blowing a hooley out there this evening!

I also suffer with chronic fatigue, as do many others on here. I genuinely understand how debilitating it can feel, getting upstairs or dressed can leave us in total exhaustion.
I also feel ( an unwarranted) guilt at feeling I let people down by not being able to do even tiny social occasions. Just the actual thought of an entire day travelling and socialising for the 60th or the wedding may make you feel worried how you will be. All I try to do on occasions we have to attend ( and we actually do want to be there) is to try to have an extra quiet day or two beforehand, and definitely after to help recover. Stay hydrated. Be honest with people - you have a chronic condition that affects you and need lots of breaks, or unable to stand for long spells.
Stress can worsen our health- and that goes for happy stress as well as negative stress.

As spoken about on this forum, many people cannot understand just how all encompassing ME can be. And i have to be fair and say unless you experience any condition yourself, it is hard to know the reality of living like this. So again,be as honest as you can with your boy's ( I know they are grown ups but they will always be your children) Explain how even an hours travelling can be so hard on your body. Can you use video calls more often? So they can give you a guided tour of their houses? Its Not that you dont want to be there, its just you cant.

Please dont think you have 'gone on'a bit - a lot of my posts are lime a mini-series. Do write whenever you need advice or support.
Take care

 

[angib]

Thank you so much

 

[bbbarnard]

@angib

At the moment, I’m just home from an appointment, so I have time to say, “Hi !”

Welcome!
You will learn how to manage attending the important events that you want to attend.
Examples:
1- I postponed an eye checkup the day before my daughter-in-law’s baby shower. I rested and laid out the clothes I planned to wear.
2- I kept my calendar empty for a month after I was “Mother of the Groom.”
3- I shopped online for the clothes I needed to go on a family vacation. And, my daughter-in-law (a different one) is a pro at helping me order in several sizes and quickly returning what doesn’t fit.

There are ways to manage life ! Accepting help is one of them.

Best wishes. BHB
@bbbarnard