Trying to please husband, family and me at the same time

Sandian

Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2019
Messages
18
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
04/2019
Country
UK
State
England
My hubby is generally very good with my fibro but sometimes I find myself getting stressed trying to please everyone - which in turn makes the fibro worse!
We have a 2 year old granddaughter and another grandchild due any moment. Having just had Christmas with all the social activities that brings I am naturally quite tired but with our granchild's arrival imminent we are due to go and look after grandchild number one when the time comes. My hubby is outwardly fine with this but I know from his manner that it's really bothering him that I am about to "overdo" things again and end up having to rest and be "out of things " for a while afterwards. I love spending time with our granddaughter and yes it does wear me out which means that I'm not much company for a while afterwards but it's not that often - They live about an hour away so we see her about once a fortnight. Am I being unreasonable?
 

Im fine

New member
Joined
Sep 15, 2019
Messages
4
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
01/1991
Country
US
State
MI
If you can even believe it, I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia 30 years ago. Back when most people had never heard ofit, including me. Apparently it was triggered by the deaths of both parents. Father was 64 had a widow maker heart attack and 4 weeks later my mother died from cancer.
Anyway, I think I've tried most everything known to man but have never gotten any significant relief. Of course, chronic pain so often leads to depression, most recently for me a diagnosis of bipolar II. I call my grandsons (4 yo and 6 yo) the best antidepressants on the market. But...since they live with us, sometimes the day to day troubles of dealing with them still isn't very effective. But if I'm having an unusually bad day, I tell them I need a hug and they come running. Sometimes the 4 yo will ask me if I'm having a good day or a bad day. Unless I am having trouble hiding it, I usually say it's a good day. They know nana has a bad booboo inside my body that you can't see.
Try to use them as your emotional support when you can, but kind of be inconspicuous about it so as not to concern them too much.
Unfortunately, my husband just doesn't get it. Since its invisible he just doesn't notice. He doesn't understand about fibro, doesn't seem to care about learning about it. If he can't see it, then I must be fine.
It's been very stressful around my house. My husband lost his job and felt that he was due a break from working. We spent all our savings and he even dipped into his retirement a lot. Our house went into foreclosure cause he's very bad at managing money. I'm about to take over but he has let things go for so long I don't even know where to begin . My daughter lives with us and the 2 grandsons I mentioned. My husband finally found a decent job, but he's not making close to what he used to make.I am on Social Security Disability and 65 years old, he is only 55 years old. I make more on disability than if I retired so I'm riding it out till I reach my full retirement age (67) when they will kick me off disability and put me on regular Social Security. I am trying to find a job to supplement the disability but I just don't know how I will be able to do it. I'm thinking about driving for Uber but that kind of scares me.
Suck the youth from your grandkids as long as you enjoy being with them. When it gets to be too much, you HAVE to take the time for yourself to recharge, let the rest fend for themselves. Don't over extend yourself and learn to say no when you have to. It's hard, I know, but you can't take care of others if you don't first take care of yourself. Know your limits and tell your family. Look up the 12 or 21 Spoon Theory.
Good luck!
 

MinGraphics

New member
Joined
Feb 20, 2020
Messages
5
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
01/2005
Country
US
I also feel like my grandchildren are my joy, my happy place. I spend a day with them and can’t move the next...but you need to! That is our life, we have to pick and choose what to do, we can’t do it all. Try to explain to him how spending time with them is so worth the exhaustion that follows! We have 6 grandchildren from 16 to 6 months.
 
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