lethal-interjection
Member
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2014
- Messages
- 15
- Reason
- DX FIBRO
- Diagnosis
- 07/2014
- Country
- US
- State
- NY
I just don't see the point.
I'm only 18 and already I can't work, I can't leave my house, I have to cancel appointments left and right because moving is just too painful and the motion itself makes me impossibly nauseous. My girl left me because we haven't been able to see each other for a year now, we sold my horse because I can't even see him since last November, and now with no job I can't afford to keep him. These days I can't eat a damn thing without throwing up, and after getting up at 4:30 in the afternoon I wind up going to bed again by 9 because its all just too much to bear any longer. I can't even walk without a ****ing cane.
The lyrica and savella both gave me horrific side effects and no relief and until I can eat I can't take my new cymbalta or continue my vitamin D. The new nausea medication I got doesn't do shit and its one of the only options left since I've been on legit almost everything else I can take.
My friends are leaving for college now and since my fibro struck when I was 17 I couldn't even finish high school, and its not like I could go back even if I was physically able. Obviously no college is in the cards at this point either. On top of that, my home life is an absolute nightmare -- parents fighting and telling me to my face I'm never gonna get better -- and its looking like I'll.never be able to leave at this rate.
I dont find enjoyment in anything anymore. I dont have the stamina to sit up at my computer, my hands hurt too much to draw or write, I can't stand up without feeling pain and nausea and vertigo all at once, and even television and music just don't faze me anymore. People telling me to "just be positive D" make me ****ing sick these days just because I know they're mocking me, and if it didn't hurt to do so I would personally punch the next person who tells me "get up for sunshine and smiles and friends and happiness!" in the god damn face.
The past few months my thoughts have been consumed by ending it all, but since I have a five year history of plots and attempts to do just that, it would be too predictable, and its not like I have the energy anyway.
I'm not really asking for anything but validation of how I feel at this point, but not even that: this is the venting forum, so I'm here to vent. I can't guarantee I'll be here tomorrow or next week or next month or ever again, but I really want just one person to tell me 'yes, this is horrible, you're right' instead of spouting off impossible solutions to this never ending problem.
Thank you
I'm only 18 and already I can't work, I can't leave my house, I have to cancel appointments left and right because moving is just too painful and the motion itself makes me impossibly nauseous. My girl left me because we haven't been able to see each other for a year now, we sold my horse because I can't even see him since last November, and now with no job I can't afford to keep him. These days I can't eat a damn thing without throwing up, and after getting up at 4:30 in the afternoon I wind up going to bed again by 9 because its all just too much to bear any longer. I can't even walk without a ****ing cane.
The lyrica and savella both gave me horrific side effects and no relief and until I can eat I can't take my new cymbalta or continue my vitamin D. The new nausea medication I got doesn't do shit and its one of the only options left since I've been on legit almost everything else I can take.
My friends are leaving for college now and since my fibro struck when I was 17 I couldn't even finish high school, and its not like I could go back even if I was physically able. Obviously no college is in the cards at this point either. On top of that, my home life is an absolute nightmare -- parents fighting and telling me to my face I'm never gonna get better -- and its looking like I'll.never be able to leave at this rate.
I dont find enjoyment in anything anymore. I dont have the stamina to sit up at my computer, my hands hurt too much to draw or write, I can't stand up without feeling pain and nausea and vertigo all at once, and even television and music just don't faze me anymore. People telling me to "just be positive D" make me ****ing sick these days just because I know they're mocking me, and if it didn't hurt to do so I would personally punch the next person who tells me "get up for sunshine and smiles and friends and happiness!" in the god damn face.
The past few months my thoughts have been consumed by ending it all, but since I have a five year history of plots and attempts to do just that, it would be too predictable, and its not like I have the energy anyway.
I'm not really asking for anything but validation of how I feel at this point, but not even that: this is the venting forum, so I'm here to vent. I can't guarantee I'll be here tomorrow or next week or next month or ever again, but I really want just one person to tell me 'yes, this is horrible, you're right' instead of spouting off impossible solutions to this never ending problem.
Thank you