Work work work

SallySour

Member
Joined
Jul 22, 2022
Messages
12
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
09/2022
Country
IT
State
IT
Hello,
Next Monday (on my birthday) I begin a 3 month internship in a big company near me.
It's the third internship I begin and end without a job offer. It pays more than half of a normal paycheck so it's good for where I am.

That being said I am scared.
It's an office and reception job, a lot of interactions, phone calls, documents.

I have fibro and a rheumatic disease not better specified (they'll give me the diagnosis on the 15th) so I'm dealing with pain, a lot of pain, low BP, gi issues and of course A LOT of brain fog.

My bank account after the doctor appointment on the 15th will be empty so I need this job.
I just upped my Zoloft adding an additional 50mg to give me energy.

I honestly lied at the interview. Not about the source of my issues but on the amount of trouble I have working. I had to to be hired, I'd prefer not to lie but no one would hire me.

I'm not just scared of not being able to pay rent, my parents are poor and ill and divorced, not really able to support me anymore. Also I know I'll be very depressed if/when I will let down my employer.

I guess it's just a rant.
A gentle hug to everyone.
 

Rhyl

Active member
Joined
Aug 15, 2020
Messages
66
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
12/2021
Country
US
State
KY
Oh, I'm so sorry. Not sure where you are located, but do you have the option of getting any kind of assistance? Are you able to do your kind of work remotely? I started a new job a little over a year ago with a global company; I made a request eventually to work from home, and they granted it. Made all the difference in the world.
 

SallySour

Member
Joined
Jul 22, 2022
Messages
12
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
09/2022
Country
IT
State
IT
Working from home is really bad for my depression and personality disorder, so I prefer to work part time but being present. I ideally want to be self employed, that was always the better option for me.
 

Rhyl

Active member
Joined
Aug 15, 2020
Messages
66
Reason
DX FIBRO
Diagnosis
12/2021
Country
US
State
KY
Working from home is really bad for my depression and personality disorder, so I prefer to work part time but being present. I ideally want to be self employed, that was always the better option for me.
Oh, I get that. I have cats, which really helps with the depression, but I do notice a difference when I spend some time out. I have two businesses, but it's still not enough to support myself. I hope you can find something that work for you!
 

NY Farmwife

Active member
Joined
Jul 26, 2021
Messages
30
Sally, it may be that you are not meant to be working at this time. I don't know where you live, but in the U.S.A. there is Supplemental Security Income [SSI] that helps people who cannot work. Our schizophrenic son gets SSI. It pays him a small amount each month, he gets food stamps, free Medicaid, and a housing grant. He is able to live on his own and survive. This could be a temporary option for you while you get your medical issues under control. If you live elsewhere, check out any similar programs in your country.

With all the problems you are having, of course you have not been offered a permanent job. You couldn't handle it. Not now. Not feeling the way you do now. And no company would risk hiring you. Your health is the first thing you have to take care of. When you are feeling better, you will be an employee who is up to the challenge of her job.

I realize this is not what you want to hear. You want someone to tell you of some magic way you will be able to do this new internship, have no problems with your health, and perform so well that you get offered a job. I wish this were true. But that's not what I see in your post. I see a person who has been doing the best she can, but really isn't performing the way a healthy person would. Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. Your outcome doing these internships has been failure. Something has to change. It has to change because YOU are not a failure. You must give your body a chance to heal. And frankly, the cycle of trying to do a job your body is not ready or able to do is bad for your mental health. Fibromyalgia does not go away. but it can get better than it is today.
 
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