Working full time as a teacher and a caret for both elderly parents

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AnnMariet

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Hi everyone

I was diagnosed 5 years ago and still struggling to juggle things. I am a full time lecturer and a career for both parents who I live with, one has a chronic condition with a limited life span and depression. I also have two teenage children who am supporting through independent schooling so need to work full time. But in all honesty struggling do not know how I will get through the next term let alone the acedemic year. Normally very positive but struggling on managing house work, caring, children and garden not had time to recharge batteries. Doctors won’t give any medication as apparently it does not help. Any useful strategies would be gratefully achieved. Sorry for the rant
 
Hi Annmarie I can only say what I’ve experienced quite recently as being an improvement to my 15 year fibro and that’s changing my diet to an Atkins/ ketogenic type I limit caffeine, sugar and sweets gluten and wheat my fibros not gone but it’s made a good difference , the gabapentin I take has quite bad side effects I’ve no idea how you manage doing everything you do and with fibro you must be superhuman! I know stress makes mine so much worse so limiting that , this forum helps loads , well that’s what’s helped me so I’m just putting that out there x x x
 
That you so much, do appreciate your kind words. Positivity drives me as does the love of my children, parents and my students future. Love helping people
 
Aw your like angel, I like angel people
 
I was diagnosed 5 years ago and still struggling to juggle things. I am a full time lecturer and a career for both parents who I live with, one has a chronic condition with a limited life span and depression. I also have two teenage children who am supporting through independent schooling so need to work full time. But in all honesty struggling do not know how I will get through the next term let alone the acedemic year. Normally very positive but struggling on managing house work, caring, children and garden not had time to recharge batteries. Doctors won’t give any medication as apparently it does not help. Any useful strategies would be gratefully achieved. Sorry for the rant
Hi AnnMariet - sorry we haven't gone into depth here yet, I'll start tho and expand if you like...
Many fibromites won't agree with your docs about meds that they don't help at all (esp. many in the UK I get the feeling), but a lot of us here will, suggesting pacing, complementary medicine and thus keeping a clear head. To quote research usually it's a figure of about up to 30% that's given that get help from meds without too much side effects (sfx). And it's a question of trying, often getting used to, trying to find ways to keep the sfx down... I didn't take mine long, much too many sfx.
So as a general strategy quite a few of us wd recommend sunkacola's advice post at the top of the forum.
You're in a dilemma and the juggling means struggling and the pin that's falling down is not being able to recharge batteries, you say.
Well it won't come a surprise that if you continue trying to stay positive and keeping everyone else entertained but yourself might not last long.
What you are doing might have in part lead to fibro and certainly can't be doing it = you any good.
Brilliant that you're looking for useful strategies and not necessarily magic pills, but even useful strategies may take time to implement, so you'd need to take time. So first suggestion is where from?
You could start with things theoretically "easiest" to implement, like getting the support & understanding of your children, so they can do the house work, caring and garden for you. ;-) Dead easy ;-) with teenage kids being like they are and maybe spoilt to the bone if what you're saying up to now is anything to go by...
Or do a general work/life/stress-balance overhaul and just questioning things you are doing completely.
Can anyone else help you?
What if you stop being carer for your parents? What alternatives are in store for them?
What if you go down on your work? What alternatives have your kids got?
What if you stop doing the garden completely and let it grow wild?
What if you "stop" the housework: What could your kids do?
What's the worst case scenario?

The other side is what if you carry on like this? You will likely become so ill that you will have to stop most if not all these things, no choice.
I was working 50h/wk and active 2 years ago. Then my full flare came and now of the things you are doing I'd manage 0h/wk caring for parents (I try to manage doing something with my grandchild 2h/wk, but it's often tough), 6h/wk lecturing (I do just about manage 10h/wk, but because I've been able to get the stressful parts of my work reduced), 1-2h/wk gardening, 3h/wk housework.
I need to do lots of self-care, pacing incl. resting, acupressure, self-treatments (physio & supps), finding out how I can improve, and I am succeeding: About 1% per month...

Sorry for shaking it/you up like this.... Praps the others can give other perspectives, comfort.
Maybe you'll find another way. Or carry on somehow, bravely, sacrificing yourself...
But unfortunately fibro won't allow an easy answer unless you're very lucky somehow...
You may - like many of us, me at least - have to consider the end of the life as you knew it - and embrace a new life where you have a new, more important role and are no longer doing everything for everyone else.... where you still would love helping people, but can say: You've done enough in your life, now it's time to love helping others to help you, because you are the needy one, and that's OK.... And can then look for other ways of helping people - here for instance... ;-)
 
Hi everyone

I was diagnosed 5 years ago and still struggling to juggle things. I am a full time lecturer and a career for both parents who I live with, one has a chronic condition with a limited life span and depression. I also have two teenage children who am supporting through independent schooling so need to work full time. But in all honesty struggling do not know how I will get through the next term let alone the acedemic year. Normally very positive but struggling on managing house work, caring, children and garden not had time to recharge batteries. Doctors won’t give any medication as apparently it does not help. Any useful strategies would be gratefully achieved. Sorry for the rant
Hi AnnMariet,

No need to apologise for ranting here - and that wasn't ranty in the slightest! - but we're all here to support each other, and shared understanding can help everyone along the way. Message/rant/vent whenever you want to!

It might be a bit tough to hear, but JayCS's advice was very insightful. Doing too much with fibro always leads to a flare up of symptoms, so - when juggling a lot as you are - it's very important to look for ways to shift the balance and prioritise yourself whenever you can.

You might find that setting a defined intent in terms of self-support strategies helps a little. For example, regimented sleep hygiene, a rest schedule, taking supplements, stress management through mindfulness/meditation/breath work, tidying up your diet/trying different diets, alternative therapies, and simply taking time out for some quality r&r on a regular basis. When we're under the most pressure, we all tend to allow our own needs to go out of the window - but in the case of fibro our bodies simply won't let us get away with this! You deserve to be able to do the things you need. Do check out Sunkacola's post on the top of the general discussion section of the forum!

I am also, as JayCS highlighted, one of the majority who doesn't get along with fibromyalgia medications. I found through experimentation that a handful of supplements help me much more - if you search this forum for discussion on supplements you'll find lots of tips on what people are taking, and where they are getting some results.

It was also a really good point to try to recruit allies. Do the people around you understand what you're going through and how much more difficult it is for you to keep all the balls in the air? Having those blunt conversations can feel really counterintuitive - we never want to make a fuss - but as far as I've seen, everyone feels stronger and more positive after having them. I hope the same is true for you!

I wish you all the strength you need to keep moving forwards. Periods in life when we find ourselves caring for so many others are incredibly hard even for the healthiest of people, so you are doing amazingly well, even when it doesn't feel like it. Please do let us know how you get on, and use this place as a pressure release whenever you need to 🌷
 
Anne Mariet there are many ways to change things. First the children, get them together and assign a job for each one and show them what you want done. Relleach one that they either do it or they can drop out. It’s called Elder respect and/or abuse. There will be no handouts in this family anymore.you earn what you will get. Then you do the hard part caring for your parents, paying their bills, insuring they get medical care etc. I am 81 and take care of my wife who has had a stroke and no longer independent. We have been married for 59 years and are tied at the hip for life. Your children will love you Anne for what you are doing and what they will be doing to support your family. Just be tough and no cry babies. Good luck
 
Anne Mariet there are many ways to change things. First the children, get them together and assign a job for each one and show them what you want done. Relleach one that they either do it or they can drop out. It’s called Elder respect and/or abuse. There will be no handouts in this family anymore.you earn what you will get. Then you do the hard part caring for your parents, paying their bills, insuring they get medical care etc. I am 81 and take care of my wife who has had a stroke and no longer independent. We have been married for 59 years and are tied at the hip for life. Your children will love you Anne for what you are doing and what they will be doing to support your family. Just be tough and no cry babies. Good luck
Warbucks, your attitude and story are so inspiring. Thank you for sharing.
 
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