I am 49 years old and have always been in good health until about 5 years ago. Don't get me wrong, I've always had back pain. I've ridden horses growing up. Played sports (hard) as a teenager. I played volleyball and softball until about 6 or 7 years ago. We go to the dunes, in a motorhome now, rather than tent, and ride quads. My health has deteriorated a lot in the last 5 years. I have insomnia. I have chronic fatigue, constant pain, headaches and migraines now. I developed lymphocytic colitis and IBS two years ago. In October I had a minor heart attack and developed severe anxiety (which I'd never had before).....That was the eye opener for me. I have felt guilty for missing work, which I didn't used to do as much. I used to have tons of leave. Well, I realized life's too short. I have a lot of decisions to make. One, what to do about work. I don't feel its fair to be a manager and miss so much work, but my health is unreliable.
My husband, who seemed indifferent a few years back, has finally gotten it over the past couple of years. He's my biggest supporter. The man is very unorganized and doesn't see clutter so it's been a challenge, but he's trying. I keep telling him we need to hire someone. I also need to cut back on my work hours. We haven't figured out yet what to do, but we're at least talking.
My son was still living with us and just got a permanent job a few months back. I went to talk with him about moving out and he blew up at me. I didn't even get to talk about it with him. I ended up just telling him to leave. It was devastating. I don't think he understands or believes I have a health condition. He's 25, and has always been a good guy, but had some health issues when he was a kid. He said I'm crazy but couldn't articulate what I'm crazy about....Broke my heart.
I'm finding that some of my closest friends are not around as much and that hurts. I'm starting to have deep conversations with them. I've accepted (painfully) that if they drift away, then I have to keep moving forward because this is my life now. When we go to the dunes, my unorganized husband has had to pack our food and other things, and there are times I don't get to ride my quad.
Don't sweat the small stuff and take life a day at a time. If you don't feel like doing anything, then don't feel bad. I still have days when I want to cry and get frustrated when I'm so fatigued and tired that I can't open my eyes, but I can't sleep. If I didn't have to work, it would be easier and less stressful, but alas, we haven't won the lotto yet..... Day at a time....