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Old 11-22-2013, 10:35 AM #3
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Join Date: 2013
Posts: 154
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trayne91 trayne91 is offline
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Join Date: 2013
City: Lake Geneva
State: Wisconsin
Country: US
Diagnosed: 10/2013
Interest: I have been diagnosed with FIBRO/CFS/PAIN
Posts: 154
trayne91 is on a distinguished road
Default Re: Just want to curl up and cry

Thanks for your kind words 1sweed. I'll be fine, but I just get PO'd that this is in the way of me being me and I am just not the same person I used to be already and it's just getting started. On top of finding something that works. There is no magic cure or pill, we have to weed through several different meds before we find something that works because what works for one doesn't work for all and each time we lose 1-2 weeks, maybe even 4-8 weeks of our lives just to find out it's not for us and to do it all over again. In the meantime, no one "gets it" and you're wobbly, can't talk straight, in pain, making mistakes because you're not yourself yet and can't even be close to yourself until to find a med that doesn't make you "wacky" and actually lets you not cry. It's a longer process than it needs to be.

I was hoping to get lucky and have the Gabepentin work so I didn't have to do this but I do. I get worried about my Dr. throwing her hands up because when I first got anxiety she gave me two meds and I couldn't tolerate neither so she sent me to behavioral health which did absolutely nothing for me. The anxiety was caused from the Celiac, I find out later and the only thing that helped was to push through the episodes. So, when I was at the grocery store and I started to faint and go blurry vision, I just had to hold it in and tell myself I was not going to faint or die and walk blindly through the store in a non-seeing panic - and doing that over and over and over and over eventually made it stop because my brain realized I was in no danger there, finally. Not a fan of therapy. It was his job to figure it out, not mine, but I did and never went back. I don't like them knowing my business. I also don't like sitting there doing all the talking about nothing with no results. I also had no idea what was happening to me, didn't know what it was, why it was, or how to stop it and did not like not being in control of it. All I knew was I got in the car and all of sudden couldn't breathe, felt like blacking out, and my vision got blurry - also in the grocery store and Wal-Mart. I hate Wal-Mart for some reason still to this day. I have no idea why. And I had to fix myself. Why am I the one with all the mystery diseases? I know I still have something else wrong with me and I just don't know what it is yet.

It's hard not to get upset about pain that just hurts so bad you're yelling out. It's not something I can really help. When I'm in agony, I'm in agony. I didn't take that damn Gabapentin last night, so I'm just sitting here waiting for it today because I know I am in for it. I also feel much more clear headed so I know it wasn't for me for sure now. Waiting to see if the Dr. works with me this time, which I hope. Honestly, I'd rather not take anything but the pain is unbearable in my case so I don't see that happening and well, that ticks me off, too. It's the vent forum, so figured I could just say that, too. LOL While I'm at it, I hate reading things 5 times over with terrible spelling and grammar errors in them, too. Geez Louise. How do I just not spell overnight? I graduated in the top ten of my class back in the day with an A+ in English. Seriously. Somebody go find some glue because I'm just falling apart, but make sure it's gluten free. LOL Sigh and Ugh.

I'm always the one looking on the bright side of things and looking for the best possible outcome in the future. I know I will not have these issues forever like they are right now. I say it everyday as I reassure my entire household about it. I'm always the one holding everyone else together and no one ever holds me together or tells me it will all be ok. That's my job for everyone else. So, sometimes, I just need to have a fit, for me. Sometimes a person just needs that. Thanks for listening.
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