Hey Ozark,
Take everything one thought at a time. Analyze that thought for a moment and question it's validity.
I went through similar experiences with anxiety. I also was certain i had cancer. ( Twice now ).
It was as tormentful as you have been describing your experiences. I myself from the moment i woke up till i went to sleep
would dwell on the certainty i had cancer. Waking up crying and going to sleep crying. Cancer is a very real reality for me as both my father and grandparents uncle etc have passed on from that disease.
Changing your thought patterns , the negative ones we obsess over is the hardest part.
It helps to have company and keep yourself busy ; i often found myself 'detached' from the outside. I would wake up in the mornings and not open a curtain ; sit in front of the pc researching symptoms etc. This only adds to the problems.
I know the last thing you want to hear is think differently ; our perception of the world ; ones own 'reality; is of course relative. A by product of ones own endeavors, hardships, accomplishments and failures.
We do have the ability to alter our perception and our reality our relative views, outlooks and thoughts on both ourselves and the world we perceive around us.
It's re-conditioning the brain, the thought process and patterns we have instilled in ourselves that is the hardest part.
I am a pessimist by nature , always seeing the glass empty when in fact it has been half full all this time. And while i may talk with a sense of meaning at this moment nothing is to say i will not be pulled back into that thought cycle of negativity. It comes more often than it goes. ( the negative thoughts that is. )
I feel i do have somewhat of a better understanding over why i may be feeling the way i do at any given moment.
It is true ; change is not as easy as just 'flipping a switch'. But as i said we can recondition our brains , our perceptions to better enjoy life.
I found a problem i have had with anxiety is the snowball effect. A negative thought will enter my mind and from there i will obsess over it ; and it grows into a monster that consumes my every thought while awake. I.e get a sore throat ; think to myself ahh this is nothing to worry about... maybe an hour later i think to myself 'Hmmm damn throat is still sore'.. Lets google it.
Results: Possible cancer , possible cancer and more possible cancer...
Ok. I tell myself no way it's cancer and not to worry. Yet the 'possibility' it is cancer still lingers within my mind ; I do not even have to think about it actively. It is engrained within the dark recesses of my sub conscious and that plays a big role itself on how you perceive things or react to certain situations, information.
One thing i do notice is my anxiety / stress / depression gets much worse during the dark cold winter months. Probably my usual depression compounded by change in temperatures ; change in sunlight etc. ( SAD ; seasonal affective depression ).
Do you only suffer from anxiety only or depression as well?
I recently purchased a 'sun lamp' ; Therapy light... If daylight is something your body lacks I would suggest looking at purchasing one of them. As we know our bodies need the sunlight for vitamin D. This plays a HUGE roll on ones well being.
One thing i have also noticed is the importance of eating properly.
We must not forget our bodies/brains are highly complex machines. Like any machine it requires fuel to run ( food and water in our case ).
I often find myself whether it be for lack of interest / will or just not having an appetite that i abuse this need.
I can literally go for 5 days and eat maybe half a meal. This plays a huge impact on our mind and bodies ability to function correctly.
We deprive it of essential nutrients , vitamins and minerals and expect it to perform properly. A defeiciency in one vitamin / nutriuent can affect many internal functions our cells need to properly perform thier duties. Many of these nutrients and vitamins rely on one another.. So it isn't as easy as 'overdosing' on vitamin D pills one day to feel better, because The functions that vitamin D bring to the table may require some vitamin B as well for whatever cellular function or neural chemical transport that is needed.
A balanced diet ; feeding that machine the fuel it needs is an absolute must in order for it to function reliably. ( something i am still
working on. )
I know what i wrote may not seem like it is much in terms of advice. I can only relate as to how i feel and to what i have learned on this 20+ some years journey to understand why i feel and think the way i do.
Thanks for taking the time to read.
Keep your head up.
Your gonna be OK!