help for relationship

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jsass

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Hi all. I do not personally have fibromyalgia, a friend does. This couple has been married 3 years, together 5. She was diagnosed a year ago or so. He has been very supportive. He helps her with anything she needs and supports her. The problem is this is starting to put a strain on the relationship because she won't do anything, never leaves the house. He never goes anywhere if she won't. She can be having good days for 3-4 in a row. But it seems every time they make plans to go somewhere, an hour or so beforehand she all of a sudden doesn't feel well, even if she has been doing great all day. This is making him start to feel like she just wants to be at home and never do anything. .. Never really live. My question is this, is this normal? He doesn't even come to visit family much anymore because of not wanting to leave her home alone. He is now at the point of breaking though where he said he will just start going places without her if invited and now she is saying he doesn't love her, doesn't support her and basically whole guilt trip. I hate to see either of them like this, basically just withering away at home alone. I guess I am just trying to figure out if this is how fibromyalgia affects people or if she is now using it as an excuse to be anti-social. Thank you for any input you all can provide. It is much appreciated.
 
I am much less social since fibro. It's about conserving strength and energy. Unless I'm seeing family or friends who understand when I need to go lay down or get away from the confusion, I am less likely to go to a social event. My husband goes by himself with my blessing. Sometimes I get stressed about the "what ifs," like what if the pain gets worse or anxiety flares up, then even if I planned to go I back out. It sounds like your friend and her husband need to clear the air. She might also be depressed, which is contributing to the stay at home dilemma. Support and encouragement for both would likely be welcomed.
 
Hi it is nice to see a caring friend like you. Fibromyalgia is very hard to deal with, it changes your whole life. The one thing it also does is cause depression, and it sounds like thats whats happening with your friend. Just a little exercise helps, maybe you can encouage her to go for walks or even light stretches this is good for the body and the mind. I get down to sometimes, its hard when you have pain everyday, and you feel so alone. The best thing for me is to go out and try to keep active. She should also let her Doctor know whats going on.Thats about all the advise I can give, I hope she is feeling better soon.
 
I am much less social since fibro. It's about conserving strength and energy. Unless I'm seeing family or friends who understand when I need to go lay down or get away from the confusion, I am less likely to go to a social event. My husband goes by himself with my blessing. Sometimes I get stressed about the "what ifs," like what if the pain gets worse or anxiety flares up, then even if I planned to go I back out. It sounds like your friend and her husband need to clear the air. She might also be depressed, which is contributing to the stay at home dilemma. Support and encouragement for both would likely be welcomed.

I am too, I mean how can you not be. It's not easy to feel like you want to go out and take part in the world, even to take part in your own life. It's easy to slip into depression and just want to stay at home. It's a slippery slope though, soon you will never leave the house for anything. I am glad I can recognize that it was happening to me.
 
Well, this was such an eye opener! Amazing how things look from outside! Sadly, yeah, sometimes it is this bad. I'm not your friend, so I don't know how she really feels. But I do know people who have it worse than me with fibro and still manage to go out from time to time and even travel.

I might dare to say that something is going on in her mind that one hour before she starts feeling bad and won't go out, maybe she is been indoors far too long. I remember some years ago when I didn't want to leave the house, we'd make plans but in the last minute I'd change of mine and decided to stay. I did it because I was a bit afraid to go out, mostly because it had been a while since I had been outdoors.

Your friend needs a lot help. Her husband is doing what he cans, but it's hard to keep up living like that. Your friend needs to really try to be social again, I know it's hard, but I believe it's possible!
 
I know that this does change your life. I can only imagine what everyone with this affliction goes through. I have been reading up on people's individual stories and how they cope. I think this is what made me come to this forum. Many people say they still try to remain active in some way by exercising and trying to do some activities. This is why her actions are starting to concern me. She doesn't hardly come to my place anymore and she knows we all understand here. We are always telling her if she needs to go in a separate room or just sit and relax or any kind of heat compresses, anything, she is more than welcome to do so. We just want to see her socialize and not turn into a recluse. We have tried and tried for the past year but it seems the more we try the more inverted she becomes. We are starting to run out of ideas and I know her husband is starting to go nuts. He was never one to just sit at home and do nothing and now that is bmecoming their life.
 
Jsass, you're a good friend! Again, it sounds like your friend is clinically depressed. That's a hard and scary place to be. If she is not seeing a mental health practitioner, perhaps her husband can encourage her and her regular physician to do an assessment. I ended up at a psych hospital for two weeks because I was too stubborn to admit defeat and too sad to seek treatment. When you think about it. Who wouldn't be somewhat depressed when your world changes so dramatically. Take care.
 
Jeass, I would have to agree with the above posts that your friend is suffering from depression. It is much easier to stay home then go out, at least once in a while to enjoy time with her husband is a big red flag. I would suggest that they seek counseling through a good therapist or even the pastor of a local church. Although, I am much more in flavor of a therapist who is trained in clinical depression as they have new ways of helping and can teach proper ways of personal management of stress and fears, dealing with anger and changes in life and moods. There is even a treatment called "EMDR" do a web search, that can really improve ones state of mind.

You are truly a good friend and a treasure to have, in the fact you care so strongly about your friends. I would suggest that you read more on this site to gain additional knowledge to pass along to your friend with fibro and her dear supportive husband.

I am glad your here. :)
 
Looking at this from a cynical outsiders perspective, it seems like she has depression and he is co-dependent. Many toxic relationships arise when one refuses to do anything without the other one present. It's very sweet that he wants to be supportive of what she's going through, but misery loves company. He's going to end up not only depressed, but resentful of her because he did not get to enjoy things.

Fibro is a painful and terrible thing to have, but you still have to live! I think they both need to have a deep relationship talk as well, because he is suffering now, too, and you are suffering having to see what's going on!
 
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