shinebright
New member
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2014
- Messages
- 6
- Reason
- DX FIBRO
- Diagnosis
- 00/1998
- Country
- CA
- State
- ON
I've lived with, no, suffered with ME, fibro and sensitivities since I was 15...I'm 37 now. It has been such a struggle and a huge roller coaster ride. So, what's brought me to post a message today? To be honest, I'm not exactly sure. I had an appointment today with a new doctor and I suppose it stirred things up. Going over my entire history, daily challenges and replaying examples of my limitations has caused me to grieve...deeply.
This illness is not new to me or my family and friends and yet, I feel it's somehow become normal to all of us, which is why I don't think they'd understand my current level of grief. We've known me this way for more than half of my life and I think it gets forgotten about and/or maybe we all thought I'd accepted it. Who knows?
Anyway, today, I feel sorry for myself. Sorry for having lived so much of my life this way, sorry for the daily struggle, sorry for all I've missed, sorry for all of the thoughts and emotions that, at times, plague me, sorry that I've pushed myself so hard and have tried so hard to be normal while 'living' with chronic debilitating illnesses...and sorry that this doesn't seem to be going anywhere any time soon (if ever).
I was reminded today that what I have is REAL. With real symptoms and real limitations. On the one hand, that validation is extremely freeing; on the other, it caused me to accept my illnesses in a new way.
One of my hardest challenges with these illnesses, is that I find it hard to reconcile the REAL me - the parts of me that have goals, ambition, dreams, passion and that enjoys spontaneity - with the limitations of these REAL illnesses.
So, that's where I'm at. Thank you for reading.
This illness is not new to me or my family and friends and yet, I feel it's somehow become normal to all of us, which is why I don't think they'd understand my current level of grief. We've known me this way for more than half of my life and I think it gets forgotten about and/or maybe we all thought I'd accepted it. Who knows?
Anyway, today, I feel sorry for myself. Sorry for having lived so much of my life this way, sorry for the daily struggle, sorry for all I've missed, sorry for all of the thoughts and emotions that, at times, plague me, sorry that I've pushed myself so hard and have tried so hard to be normal while 'living' with chronic debilitating illnesses...and sorry that this doesn't seem to be going anywhere any time soon (if ever).
I was reminded today that what I have is REAL. With real symptoms and real limitations. On the one hand, that validation is extremely freeing; on the other, it caused me to accept my illnesses in a new way.
One of my hardest challenges with these illnesses, is that I find it hard to reconcile the REAL me - the parts of me that have goals, ambition, dreams, passion and that enjoys spontaneity - with the limitations of these REAL illnesses.
So, that's where I'm at. Thank you for reading.