Old 11-16-2014, 05:33 PM #1
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Default Husband not coping

Hi everyone how do you cope with a husband who is not coping with me at the moment I've had a bad relapse yesterday he told me he didn't want to do this anymore when I suggested he was being heartless he told me it had to be said we have been married for 26years but since I've been unwell 10 yrs it has been a struggle my husband has austism traits alsol add traits and a personality disorder so he has a lot to deal with himself. His way of dealing with me is he doesn't he is work obsessed so he spends a lot of time in his office outside he doesn't like to be interrupted and if I force the issue he sulks like a child or yells yesterday I asked him to go down the shop to get me some spring water he he'd to go ther and then has the shops were closing in 15mins he wasn't happy came back yelling and screaming at me because he didn't think it was necessary for him to go so I have to tread very carefully because it is all about him dealing with his life and trying to mange me as well. This doesn't really help me dealing with my health I have to organise everything for myself even if I am feeling really unwell I have a lady come and make my meals once a week I'm on a restricted diet ,I pay her then my Dh doesn't have to deal with that I really don't think he would manage I know everyone has off days but I'm having a really hard time at the moment thanks for listening tomorrow will be a better day
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Old 11-18-2014, 09:42 PM #2
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Default Re: Husband not coping

Neen, Welcome to the forum. I understand the pain and heartache and no doubt some depression your facing now. It is very hard to manage life with fibro and yet also face problems with a husband who has a personality disorder. I lived with someone who thought the world revolved around him and my feelings and thoughts did not matter. I became very withdrawn and afraid to say anything for fear it would set off his anger. My only way to survive was to get my own mental health counseling and get the courage to leave. He now regrets the way he treated me.

I am not saying you should leave, but I am suggesting you get some help from a therapist at the local mental health department that could teach you coping skills and ways to talk and speak up without making your husband angry. The autism can also be something to learn more about and find coping ways to manage your life in productive ways.

I wish you the best while your stuck in this relationship and I hope you can work things out. In the meantime please read the posts around the forum and gain some ways of coping with your fibro and hopeful making new friends who can offer hope when life gets you down. See you around the forum.
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Old 11-19-2014, 12:24 AM #3
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Default Re: Husband not coping

Why is it the people we love the most hurt us the most? Denial is an ugly thing, give your husband space, I know it's awful wanting understanding and not getting it. I've always said" You can't expect someone to give you, something they don't have. My husband told me he wished he had "an excuse to be lazy. There been countless times I have to ignore, what seams to me cold and heartless. I'm a huge marshmallow when it comes to my Family. I have given my husband some reading Materials, just because he has been so mad at me, because of all my sensory overloads, smell , touch, noise....oh and he's going deaf, not a good match. We have 2 barge Dogs, and 2 small. The large one loves rolling on dead stuff, then my sweet hubbie let's the Dogs in, I tell ya, I want to puke. HE laughs at me constantly be cause I'm over stressing things.
So here's what I do, Dogs inside.? I will just go into another room, hate to be a party pooper but it is what it is.
Somethings got to give right? I stalk up on pretty room spray, one for each room. Then for the constant noise he's around? Ear plugs help, I buy them at WM.
Skin sensitivity? I wear only soft clothing. If your on a budget wear a silky long sleeve shirt under that
Scratchy sweater. 😊
The diagnoses of fibermilga, is a double edge sword for me . Finally I am not nutts! and I can put aside all the remarks from my family, oh Mostly the hus. But I can remember a time when my Son said to me "come on Mom! You can only use that sick excuse so much. 😦
It's hard on my family because I've been a take charge Woman for years. Doing every thing for everyone. I Thought that would help, but I tell ya, I didn't do anyone a favor.
My being so long winded is a miracle itself. This morning I had problems with what is called a reverse gate. It can be a serious problem. I HAD MANY FALLS. The only way I can explain it is " It's like my brain is moving faster than my body, so I don't see the curb 9 corner, and swoosh, I'm down. Keeps me humble.
But the reverse Gate is like, you want to lift your foot into a pant leg but your leg doesn't go down like it should, when I first encountered this problem, I wanted to blame it on all the meds I'm taking, but unfortunately that's not the case. I'm learning what boundaries are, on reverse gate days, I try to keep keep the pole vaulting to a min. lol.
I'm thankful I have the time and steady hands to write now....well I think I'm thankful. It's back to the Family.
Blessings!

Last edited by moe1959 : 11-19-2014 at 12:29 AM
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Old 11-19-2014, 06:52 PM #4
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Default Re: Husband not coping

Thanks for your response I have been going to therapy for a few years now on ways to deal with him most of the time I can deal with him but when I am really unwell I find it very difficult the therapist who was seeing us as a couple told me he is unable to change at such a late age 50 even changing his routine is hard for him and yes I have thought of leaving him I have no children and the thought of being by myself with this terrible illness scares me and would I be better off without him my answer was no I manage alright when my health is better. Thanks again have a good day
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Old 12-03-2014, 12:00 PM #5
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Default Re: Husband not coping

I hope things get better for you, I think that was smart seeing a Therapist sometimes dealing with all that can be to much. gentle hugs
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