LooneyTunes
New member
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2014
- Messages
- 2
- Reason
- Friend
- Diagnosis
- 00/0000
- Country
- CA
- State
- ON
I've recently met a woman that has FM and I'm falling for her pretty badly. We haven't actually 'gotten together' in any meaningful sense, so she doesn't actually know that I'm romantically inteterested, but the vibes between us suggest to me that it might be heading in that direction. On the other hand I'm entering a world into which I'm a complete and utter newb, so maybe things are not at all as they appear. The more I read on FM, the more I realize how different and challenging life can be with this condition, especially for the sufferer, but also for their loved ones. In some ways with what little knowledge I have, I'm questioning my own ability to become a good partner of someone with FM, and yet I feel so compelled towards her and therefore want to be a good partner, if she wants me to be that for her. Every time my phone rings, or beeps for an incoming txt, or there's a knock at the door... I'm hoping it's her. All signs point to falling in love.
Do I sound naive? I probably am - especially given that in the beginning of most relationships everyone tries to put their best foot forward. I originally read many of her signals to indicate that she's not interested in me beyond friendship, and yet the more I learn about FM, the more I suspect that she is, but due to her FM, is unable to follow all the 'normal' conventions of courtship.
Sorry for rambling - I've probably long lost half the FM population reading this already due to the Fog most (or all?) of you can go through. I have a gazillion questions, most of which are probably silly, but I'll ask them anyways - questions that I'm not yet comfortable asking her directly, or simply don't want to bog down our time together with her re-answering questions that she's been asked by others a gazillion times:
1) Are there varying degrees of FM? She seems to be otherwise in very good physical shape: She is well exercised, and is single handedly raising a daughter with no other family in the same city as us. Judging by what I've read on some websites, it would "appear" that her case might be 'milder' or that she's doing remarkably well given this general condition. Or maybe she's been putting on one heck of a brave face? On the other hand she is unable to work and seems to spend most days of the week going to doctors appointments, accupuncture, getting blood work done, etc. Her sleeping patterns are also clearly abnormal and she suffers from a lot of fatigue.
2) Is FM progressive - i.e., will it get worse? She is now 30 and told me that she started to get FM when she was in her early teens. I understand that it took a while to progress from the onset, but what can she/we reasonably expect her condition to be like in the future? She has at least one other complication, or condition to go along with FM (as if that isn't enough) - something with her muscle ligaments not re-contracting properly which can lead to inflammation and other problems.
3) How much of a struggle has it been for her to do the things we've done? So far we've had several quasi family 'dates' (we each are lone parents each with a daughter). Before i knew what her specific condition was we planned some activities, and although we carried through on them she was significantly late each time, telling me she was tired or didn't feel well, having a bad day, etc. Of course not knowing about FM, I chalked it up to her not being as interested in me as I was in her, and was secretly dissapointed. And yet now that I understand a little bit about FM, I wonder if doing the activities at all was even too much on her, and that she was incredibly brave to go through with them to the extent that she did. And yet during the activities (biking, cooking meals, etc), her condition seemed almost completely fine. I'd turn around and she'd have half the dishes washed and dried. The activities turned out to be normal and enjoyable 'team efforts'. It felt great to do them together. In so many ways most people would completely assume her to be 'normal' except for the slightest hint that under the surface something's 'not quite right.' Is this 'normal' for people with FM to be able to do all of these things, or is she fighting back the pain and being brave for my benefit?
4) How close to a normal sex life can one have with FM? I've been reading a little about this aspect, and it's raised more questions for me than answered. The medical-type explanations on the web are especially ambiguous. I understand it can be painful to the point that some FM sufferers aren't able to have a sex life, or that the pain may be so great that some avoid even developing romantic relationships. So i guess my question is along these lines - Is all sex painful, or most of the time, or a 1/4 of the time? As someone who is potentially the partner of a person with FM, what type of sex life should I be prepared to expect?
I have a gazillion more questions, but I've rambled long enough, so if anyone can take a stab at one or more of them I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks!
Do I sound naive? I probably am - especially given that in the beginning of most relationships everyone tries to put their best foot forward. I originally read many of her signals to indicate that she's not interested in me beyond friendship, and yet the more I learn about FM, the more I suspect that she is, but due to her FM, is unable to follow all the 'normal' conventions of courtship.
Sorry for rambling - I've probably long lost half the FM population reading this already due to the Fog most (or all?) of you can go through. I have a gazillion questions, most of which are probably silly, but I'll ask them anyways - questions that I'm not yet comfortable asking her directly, or simply don't want to bog down our time together with her re-answering questions that she's been asked by others a gazillion times:
1) Are there varying degrees of FM? She seems to be otherwise in very good physical shape: She is well exercised, and is single handedly raising a daughter with no other family in the same city as us. Judging by what I've read on some websites, it would "appear" that her case might be 'milder' or that she's doing remarkably well given this general condition. Or maybe she's been putting on one heck of a brave face? On the other hand she is unable to work and seems to spend most days of the week going to doctors appointments, accupuncture, getting blood work done, etc. Her sleeping patterns are also clearly abnormal and she suffers from a lot of fatigue.
2) Is FM progressive - i.e., will it get worse? She is now 30 and told me that she started to get FM when she was in her early teens. I understand that it took a while to progress from the onset, but what can she/we reasonably expect her condition to be like in the future? She has at least one other complication, or condition to go along with FM (as if that isn't enough) - something with her muscle ligaments not re-contracting properly which can lead to inflammation and other problems.
3) How much of a struggle has it been for her to do the things we've done? So far we've had several quasi family 'dates' (we each are lone parents each with a daughter). Before i knew what her specific condition was we planned some activities, and although we carried through on them she was significantly late each time, telling me she was tired or didn't feel well, having a bad day, etc. Of course not knowing about FM, I chalked it up to her not being as interested in me as I was in her, and was secretly dissapointed. And yet now that I understand a little bit about FM, I wonder if doing the activities at all was even too much on her, and that she was incredibly brave to go through with them to the extent that she did. And yet during the activities (biking, cooking meals, etc), her condition seemed almost completely fine. I'd turn around and she'd have half the dishes washed and dried. The activities turned out to be normal and enjoyable 'team efforts'. It felt great to do them together. In so many ways most people would completely assume her to be 'normal' except for the slightest hint that under the surface something's 'not quite right.' Is this 'normal' for people with FM to be able to do all of these things, or is she fighting back the pain and being brave for my benefit?
4) How close to a normal sex life can one have with FM? I've been reading a little about this aspect, and it's raised more questions for me than answered. The medical-type explanations on the web are especially ambiguous. I understand it can be painful to the point that some FM sufferers aren't able to have a sex life, or that the pain may be so great that some avoid even developing romantic relationships. So i guess my question is along these lines - Is all sex painful, or most of the time, or a 1/4 of the time? As someone who is potentially the partner of a person with FM, what type of sex life should I be prepared to expect?
I have a gazillion more questions, but I've rambled long enough, so if anyone can take a stab at one or more of them I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks!