Old 04-12-2016, 10:48 PM #1
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Default Having a breakdown!!!!!

Hi guys!!

I just had a huge fight with my mom. My parents are paying for everything for me bc I can't work. I'm waiting for disability but it's going to still be awhile. But living off of them is just getting to me. I can't take it anymore. I just simply asked my mom a question about the difference between an iPad and a tablet. I seriously am computer illiterate. I found a tablet for $40. I didn't know I had to pay a monthly fee for it though. Once she told me that I decided I didn't need it. But she decided she needed to go off on me about everything she has spent her money on over the last year for me. Just bc I merely thought about spending $40! I already feel bad enough. I tell her all the time how bad I feel and I reiterated that tonight;that I feel like a burden, a failure and that I'll never be able to get myself out of this mess. i did tell her how much I appreciate how much they have done for me and I'd never be able to repay them. She didn't have one supportive word to say to me. She just kept defending herself and blaming me for what she said. I asked her wouldn't she rather me ask her first than just spend the money then call and need to ask for more money? Well, if she keeps making these snide remarks I'm going to be afraid to say anything to her and instead of asking questions about things and finding out the right options I could end up wasting a lot of money! She ignored all of it, just kept defending everything she said.

My therapist has kept telling me she is a dry well and to stop going to her for water (emotional support). But I keep going there. I know this is why I grew up so f*ed up and married someone just like her. Then ended up abusing pain medication to cover up my emotional pain. I had so much built up by tat point I had to deal with it somehow and I chose a very destructive way.

Anyway, I just needed to vent and if anyone knows of any magical way I can get out from under my parents hand, please let me know!!!
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Old 04-13-2016, 12:42 AM #2
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Default Re: Having a breakdown!!!!!

Hello there. I felt that too. When our parents started feel burdened by us, we feel useless and hopeless. Because they are our only hope to strive and survive with this kind of sickness. Sometimes I think I should just end my life so nobody would burdened by me. But its not easy to die though. Pardon me for my bad english.
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Old 04-13-2016, 09:50 AM #3
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Default Re: Having a breakdown!!!!!

Oh Karen, how I feel for you. We all want more then just the "basics" I'm going to be brave and just spit this out: you weren't asking your mom for emotional support, you where asking to spend more of her money on a non necessity! I've put my kids WANTS. Before my needs so many times I can't count. But I think you are mistaking financial support for emotional support. Perhaps your parents inability to contribute emotionally led them to making up for it by financially throwing in and now when money is denied you feel emotionally let down?
I get the whole HATE relying on someone else for survival. I feel like a complete burden to my husband. God has a way of balancing the books, so I wait and I'm greatful for everything I have.
I doubt this is what you wanted to hear, but ultimately you want to feel better so confronting the real issue is the best way to get there and I'm afraid someone has to care enough to be honest.
Perhaps a family councelor would be a great way to address the issues that are obviously hurting you (and probably your parents). There are three sides to every story: yours, mine and the truth. You guys need a non byast third person to get to the truth. You want a doctor that helps you not enables you.

Your remark that you'll just quit asking and make bad decisions that will just cost more money almost sounds like your way of punishing them. Is money an emotional currency? It sounds like that's what you've been taught. I'm not blaming you, someone taught you this, but for all your future relationships you've got to learn what how to distinguish between the two. This is for YOUR happiness. Break free!
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Old 04-13-2016, 10:29 AM #4
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Default Re: Having a breakdown!!!!!

Karen, I feel your pain...I still live with my parents (hugely because of my medical issues) and though I still have a job and can pay for things on my own, I often feel that I don't know how much longer I can do so, if that makes sense? So I can sympathize. I also believe that feeling like a burden is a part of having an illness in general. It's hard to remember that the ones who love us (especially our parents) tend to "feel our pain" and can often, instead of saying the "right" thing or what we want to hear, react in ways that come across wrong, just because they don't want us to hurt anymore. This happens to me often, at least. I'm lucky because I'm very close to my parents, but I still run into situations often where I want them to say one thing, just to comfort me, and they say almost the opposite. ESPECIALLY in a fight or when we've both reached wit's end.

I'm glad to hear that you'll be receiving disability! That is something to look forward to, so don't lose hope!! You're not a failure, and is sitting down and having a calm conversation about how she makes you feel an option? This has probably already been discussed before though, right? If that's what your therapist is saying to you...I just don't want you to feel the way you are - you don't need to punish yourself when your body goes through enough already. I feel like a lot of us punish ourselves for things, and it's not fair. You have to get your feelings OUT, before they explode.

I'm not sure that any of this made sense - I'm in a bit of a haze - but please don't hesitate to reach out if you need to talk. Better out than in.
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Old 04-13-2016, 04:41 PM #5
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Default Re: Having a breakdown!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eyesup View Post
Oh Karen, how I feel for you. We all want more then just the "basics" I'm going to be brave and just spit this out: you weren't asking your mom for emotional support, you where asking to spend more of her money on a non necessity! I've put my kids WANTS. Before my needs so many times I can't count. But I think you are mistaking financial support for emotional support. Perhaps your parents inability to contribute emotionally led them to making up for it by financially throwing in and now when money is denied you feel emotionally let down?
I get the whole HATE relying on someone else for survival. I feel like a complete burden to my husband. God has a way of balancing the books, so I wait and I'm greatful for everything I have.
I doubt this is what you wanted to hear, but ultimately you want to feel better so confronting the real issue is the best way to get there and I'm afraid someone has to care enough to be honest.
Perhaps a family councelor would be a great way to address the issues that are obviously hurting you (and probably your parents). There are three sides to every story: yours, mine and the truth. You guys need a non byast third person to get to the truth. You want a doctor that helps you not enables you.

Your remark that you'll just quit asking and make bad decisions that will just cost more money almost sounds like your way of punishing them. Is money an emotional currency? It sounds like that's what you've been taught. I'm not blaming you, someone taught you this, but for all your future relationships you've got to learn what how to distinguish between the two. This is for YOUR happiness. Break free!


Hi!

Thanks for your reply. I can understand why you get your opinion from just one post but you'd need to know my entire history between me and my parents. It makes no sense. One day they're asking if my (perfectly good 32 inch tv) is big enough bc they found a good deal on a 64 inch tv they looked at buying for me. They send extra money for clothes out of the blue, subway gift cards, etc. I'll say I want to go visit my daughter in Austin and they'll transfer $1000 so I can go visit her. Things like that. They've done tons of things that weren't needs. So it didn't seem out of the ordinary to ask about a $40 tablet (remember I didn't realize it needed a monthly fee. If she thought I was asking her to start paying something else every month I could understand her frustration). So in my eyes once I said "oh, I didn't realize it needed a monthly fee as well! Never mind that!!" Then the conversation should have ended. But she goes into a tyrant about how much she has had to spend on me. And she also brings up buying contacts and glasses for my daughter as well. This is not a new thing. I don't understand why they offer to pay for things one day then throw it back in my face the next. I have told her before that it hurts my feelings. No, I didn't go looking for emotional support but when I opened up emotionally, saying I already feel like a burden, don't enjoy living like this, fear never living on my own again, etc she ignored all of it. I first, however, said how much I appreciate how much her and dad do for me and I don't know where I'd be without them. I shouldn't be surprised though bc that's how she is. If I'm upset about anything she just can't be supportive. She'll tell me "oh well, can't do anything about it now!" Or "just deal with it!" Or just cold things like that. I was soooo upset about my ex husband doing stuff with my daughter that was against the court order and I was talking about filing contempt of court which in hind sight would have been stupid bc she turned 18 just a few months later. But instead of my mom trying to say something like "honey, you're upset and angry and aren't thinking straight, try to calm down and rethink this. I know how frustrating this must be for you, etc..." She said something along the lines of "you're acting out of spite and making a huge mistake and the judge will laugh at you and so will I!!" I only got more angry!!

About the counseling. I've asked them to go many, many times. They say no, that they won't tell a stranger their personal family issues and aren't going to change anyway. However, when I first got divorced they did go see a counselor and made it out like they went bc it was so hard on them and evidently they told the counselor I was an emotional wreck from the divorce and they were worried about the children. (Not worried about me??)So they tried to see my kids at all costs, behind my back. (Again, if I'm an emotional wreck, how is this helping me?)They tried to control everything from that point on MAKING me an emotional wreck. (My ex was abusive and it took a lot for me to get out of the marriage! He's narcissistic and sociopathic just like my dad who is also an alcoholic).

I'm not saying I've done everything right bc God knows I haven't. I'm in recovery from prescription medication and know I shouldn't have continued with that conversation whatsoever. But there's so many wounds still wide open with my moms relationship that I haven't even begun to touch on. I was honestly trying to talk to her about how I felt and have an adult conversation with her about how we talk to each other and we both need to try and hear what the other is saying, etc. but she turns so defensive and is such a "right fighter" that she doesn't hear me at all. I understand, too, that she must have some unresolved emotional damage that she will never heal bc she doesn't acknowledged them. So I've got to let go of the hope that she will ever change and I'll never have an emotionally supportive mom.

BTW, after everything that happened last night she sent me and my daughter a text that said "we're taking a four hour class to save money on car insurance!"

That's her passive aggressive way of saying something else about money!!

Also, the comment I made about "wouldn't you rather me ask and get the information first than spend the money..." I'm not sure how you got that meaning money equates love. What I meant was if every time I ask about something before I make a decision they throw back in may face about how much they've already spent on me, etc then I'm going to feel bad and it's going to make me scared to talk to them first before I go out and potentially buy something that I shouldn't have, like the tablet or iPad. I do feel like since it's their money I should speak to them before buying things like that. But if every time I ask them questions they throw guilt trips then I'm going to stop doing it.

However, they're the ones who equate money with love bc they have MANY times when they get mad said they aren't sending money. They control me with their money for sure. We have a very dysfunctional relationship.

I think I've answered all of your questions. I'll probably come up with more information later. It's hard to put a lifetime of dysfunction in one post.

Last edited by KarenH : 04-13-2016 at 05:43 PM
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Old 04-13-2016, 05:33 PM #6
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Old 04-13-2016, 05:35 PM #7
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Default Re: Having a breakdown!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by EmmaLVee View Post
Karen, I feel your pain...I still live with my parents (hugely because of my medical issues) and though I still have a job and can pay for things on my own, I often feel that I don't know how much longer I can do so, if that makes sense? So I can sympathize. I also believe that feeling like a burden is a part of having an illness in general. It's hard to remember that the ones who love us (especially our parents) tend to "feel our pain" and can often, instead of saying the "right" thing or what we want to hear, react in ways that come across wrong, just because they don't want us to hurt anymore. This happens to me often, at least. I'm lucky because I'm very close to my parents, but I still run into situations often where I want them to say one thing, just to comfort me, and they say almost the opposite. ESPECIALLY in a fight or when we've both reached wit's end.

I'm glad to hear that you'll be receiving disability! That is something to look forward to, so don't lose hope!! You're not a failure, and is sitting down and having a calm conversation about how she makes you feel an option? This has probably already been discussed before though, right? If that's what your therapist is saying to you...I just don't want you to feel the way you are - you don't need to punish yourself when your body goes through enough already. I feel like a lot of us punish ourselves for things, and it's not fair. You have to get your feelings OUT, before they explode.

I'm not sure that any of this made sense - I'm in a bit of a haze - but please don't hesitate to reach out if you need to talk. Better out than in.


Hi! Thank u for your reply! I am not sure if I'm going to get disability. I'm waiting to hear if I'm going to be approved or not. I really hope I'm approve. If not I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't continue on like this!! I tried to work but while I'm working I feel so bad I just can't do it. While I'm sitting at home I feel so much better that I think I can work. It's weird.

My parents have never been emotionally supportive. It's always been about how hard things are for THEM. Same thing when I got divorced. All they talked about was what my ex did to them. Like their life was changing?? No! My life was drastically changing. I actually got the opposite of emotional support. I got hell from them. They reverted back to me being 12 and them being the parents of a 12 yr old.

They think financial support IS emotional support. They don't know how to separate the two. Throwing money at someone doesn't take the place of supportive words. Plus, if it did, don't be so willing to pay for things one day then go ape shit the next about it. It's very confusing!

I made an appt with my therapist for tomorrow. I can't wait to see her!! I've got so much I want to talk to her about!! If I could just get approved for disability I have a plan to get on my feet. I'll buy a small RV with the back pay and sell everything I have and live in an RV park off of my disability check!! I really don't need much to live off of! I'd be so much happier!

Last edited by KarenH : 04-13-2016 at 05:49 PM
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Old 04-13-2016, 07:42 PM #8
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Default Re: Having a breakdown!!!!!

Oh Karen (my name is Karen as well, btw) I had to double check your post, because for a moment i thought you were talking about my own mother. She is just like that, she is most of the times so defensive and rarely she utters a word of support or something to make me feel better. I'm moving soon, but I've had to depend on her for a while... I'm glad I no longer will. It's so tiring and difficult at times, mine also talks a lot about money... how much she spends, etc. So you are not alone. Please feel free to come here and talk with us when you feel like you are need support and encouragement
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Old 04-13-2016, 09:06 PM #9
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Default Re: Having a breakdown!!!!!

I ran across a book about how to have difficult conversations that I found very helpful. (Unfortunately I have needed to have many emotionally charged discussions in the last 10 years.) The premise of the book is humans are not naturally good at these conversations because of our stress response, but we can train ourselves in skills that will make us handle uncomfortable discussions better. The authors spent a lot of time observing people who do it well and contrasting their techniques with people who aren't so good at it. They figured out what works and presented it in an easy to follow way. It's called Crucial Conversations if you are interested. It has really helped me with emotionally charged conversations with family, parents, doctors and at work.
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Old 04-13-2016, 11:10 PM #10
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Default Re: Having a breakdown!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by KarenH View Post
Hi!

Thanks for your reply. I can understand why you get your opinion from just one post but you'd need to know my entire history between me and my parents. It makes no sense. One day they're asking if my (perfectly good 32 inch tv) is big enough bc they found a good deal on a 64 inch tv they looked at buying for me. They send extra money for clothes out of the blue, subway gift cards, etc. I'll say I want to go visit my daughter in Austin and they'll transfer $1000 so I can go visit her. Things like that. They've done tons of things that weren't needs. So it didn't seem out of the ordinary to ask about a $40 tablet (remember I didn't realize it needed a monthly fee. If she thought I was asking her to start paying something else every month I could understand her frustration). So in my eyes once I said "oh, I didn't realize it needed a monthly fee as well! Never mind that!!" Then the conversation should have ended. But she goes into a tyrant about how much she has had to spend on me. And she also brings up buying contacts and glasses for my daughter as well. This is not a new thing. I don't understand why they offer to pay for things one day then throw it back in my face the next. I have told her before that it hurts my feelings. No, I didn't go looking for emotional support but when I opened up emotionally, saying I already feel like a burden, don't enjoy living like this, fear never living on my own again, etc she ignored all of it. I first, however, said how much I appreciate how much her and dad do for me and I don't know where I'd be without them. I shouldn't be surprised though bc that's how she is. If I'm upset about anything she just can't be supportive. She'll tell me "oh well, can't do anything about it now!" Or "just deal with it!" Or just cold things like that. I was soooo upset about my ex husband doing stuff with my daughter that was against the court order and I was talking about filing contempt of court which in hind sight would have been stupid bc she turned 18 just a few months later. But instead of my mom trying to say something like "honey, you're upset and angry and aren't thinking straight, try to calm down and rethink this. I know how frustrating this must be for you, etc..." She said something along the lines of "you're acting out of spite and making a huge mistake and the judge will laugh at you and so will I!!" I only got more angry!!

About the counseling. I've asked them to go many, many times. They say no, that they won't tell a stranger their personal family issues and aren't going to change anyway. However, when I first got divorced they did go see a counselor and made it out like they went bc it was so hard on them and evidently they told the counselor I was an emotional wreck from the divorce and they were worried about the children. (Not worried about me??)So they tried to see my kids at all costs, behind my back. (Again, if I'm an emotional wreck, how is this helping me?)They tried to control everything from that point on MAKING me an emotional wreck. (My ex was abusive and it took a lot for me to get out of the marriage! He's narcissistic and sociopathic just like my dad who is also an alcoholic).

I'm not saying I've done everything right bc God knows I haven't. I'm in recovery from prescription medication and know I shouldn't have continued with that conversation whatsoever. But there's so many wounds still wide open with my moms relationship that I haven't even begun to touch on. I was honestly trying to talk to her about how I felt and have an adult conversation with her about how we talk to each other and we both need to try and hear what the other is saying, etc. but she turns so defensive and is such a "right fighter" that she doesn't hear me at all. I understand, too, that she must have some unresolved emotional damage that she will never heal bc she doesn't acknowledged them. So I've got to let go of the hope that she will ever change and I'll never have an emotionally supportive mom.

BTW, after everything that happened last night she sent me and my daughter a text that said "we're taking a four hour class to save money on car insurance!"

That's her passive aggressive way of saying something else about money!!

Also, the comment I made about "wouldn't you rather me ask and get the information first than spend the money..." I'm not sure how you got that meaning money equates love. What I meant was if every time I ask about something before I make a decision they throw back in may face about how much they've already spent on me, etc then I'm going to feel bad and it's going to make me scared to talk to them first before I go out and potentially buy something that I shouldn't have, like the tablet or iPad. I do feel like since it's their money I should speak to them before buying things like that. But if every time I ask them questions they throw guilt trips then I'm going to stop doing it.

However, they're the ones who equate money with love bc they have MANY times when they get mad said they aren't sending money. They control me with their money for sure. We have a very dysfunctional relationship.

I think I've answered all of your questions. I'll probably come up with more information later. It's hard to put a lifetime of dysfunction in one post.


I was so afraid you would take my looking in as criticizing you. I'm not and who cares what I think anyway! I so wish I could un post. I think I did a horrible job articulating my thoughts and trying to change the way you where thinking/feeling.

I have dealt more then my share with "money munipulators". And yes, money is emotional currency to them. I'm not saying that is who you are, that is how you've been taught to relate to them. Maybe you weren't really looking for a tablet, maybe you wanted an emotional hug from your mom and your subconscious with knows that a hug from her comes from what she can buy. Gosh I hope that makes sense.
I promise the last thing I wanted to do was stress you out or put you on the defense. I came back on tonight because I wanted to delete my post. I get everything you said in your reply. More then you know. I would rather chat in private message.

Close your eyes, take a deep breath and exhale all the bad.

Please forgive me for upsetting you. Who cares what Eyesup thinks anyway?! Know that you are deep in my heart and mind tonight. I can only virtually squeeze your hand and hug your neck.
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Old 04-14-2016, 04:10 AM #11
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Default Re: Having a breakdown!!!!!

Hi Karen...relationships get so messed up when we have fibro and also everyone has their own inherited and taught way of thinking and communicating even before we all start with the extra huge stressors thrown in the mix like chronic illness...divorce....financial pressures etc.

Even caring so much about someone and feeling helpless means people can try and ' fix them' any way they can even if inside long term it stirs emotions in them like resentment we don't want to hear because it hurts soooo much especially from those we need to love us and support us unconditionally.

I think its unconditional love especially from our parents we need more than anything in the world and if we have it we are more resillient to the hard knocks that life throws our way.

I think your post shows how complex the situation is and i really hope your therapist helps you when you meet and that your disability is approved so that you can gain the feelings of independence you so crave.

I have been through many of the emotions you are albeit for different reasons and am not reliant on anyone financially but truly i can relate totally to tthe hurt ...feeling a burden...getting rebuffed when you confide.

The truth is your emotions are real and very painful for you and i hope you can get some releif and that hopefully in time your relationship with your mum will repair.

They must love you very much and no doubt they offer to do so much financially as a way to make your life as good as possible knowing you are suffering in pain.....but perhaps they make sacrifices willingly at the time, but deep down feel overwhelmed by their responsibilities and then this gets thrown back at you.

Perhaps before things get resolved long term you could get them to work out an allowance either weekly or monthly that they can afford and are happy with and you can budget for all your own purchases and living expenses. This would alleviate the need to ask for anything which is making you understandably feel so uncomfortable.

Take Care Let us know how you get on with your therapist.
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Old 04-14-2016, 04:12 PM #12
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Default Re: Having a breakdown!!!!!

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Originally Posted by Eyesup View Post
I was so afraid you would take my looking in as criticizing you. I'm not and who cares what I think anyway! I so wish I could un post. I think I did a horrible job articulating my thoughts and trying to change the way you where thinking/feeling.

I have dealt more then my share with "money munipulators". And yes, money is emotional currency to them. I'm not saying that is who you are, that is how you've been taught to relate to them. Maybe you weren't really looking for a tablet, maybe you wanted an emotional hug from your mom and your subconscious with knows that a hug from her comes from what she can buy. Gosh I hope that makes sense.
I promise the last thing I wanted to do was stress you out or put you on the defense. I came back on tonight because I wanted to delete my post. I get everything you said in your reply. More then you know. I would rather chat in private message.

Close your eyes, take a deep breath and exhale all the bad.

Please forgive me for upsetting you. Who cares what Eyesup thinks anyway?! Know that you are deep in my heart and mind tonight. I can only virtually squeeze your hand and hug your neck.
You didn't upset me at all!! Calm down! I was just trying to explain why I feel the way I do about my mom. No, I really wasn't trying to get a "hug" from her through her money. I know the difference between financial support and emotional support. I HATE the fact that they don't so I'd NEVER go there!!! I want emotional support from her when it's appropriate and I want an adult conversation when it's appropriate which is all the time!

Maybe I'm not doing a very good job at explaining myself. But I can't have a conversation with my parents without ever feeling like a 12 year old. They don't treat me as an adult, they yell at me like a child when I'm trying to express my feelings. Which just upsets me further.

Anyway, you didn't upset me at all!!! I was just trying to give u the history behind the dysfunction!
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Old 04-14-2016, 04:23 PM #13
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Default Re: Having a breakdown!!!!!

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Originally Posted by willow View Post
Hi Karen...relationships get so messed up when we have fibro and also everyone has their own inherited and taught way of thinking and communicating even before we all start with the extra huge stressors thrown in the mix like chronic illness...divorce....financial pressures etc.

Even caring so much about someone and feeling helpless means people can try and ' fix them' any way they can even if inside long term it stirs emotions in them like resentment we don't want to hear because it hurts soooo much especially from those we need to love us and support us unconditionally.

I think its unconditional love especially from our parents we need more than anything in the world and if we have it we are more resillient to the hard knocks that life throws our way.

I think your post shows how complex the situation is and i really hope your therapist helps you when you meet and that your disability is approved so that you can gain the feelings of independence you so crave.

I have been through many of the emotions you are albeit for different reasons and am not reliant on anyone financially but truly i can relate totally to tthe hurt ...feeling a burden...getting rebuffed when you confide.

The truth is your emotions are real and very painful for you and i hope you can get some releif and that hopefully in time your relationship with your mum will repair.

They must love you very much and no doubt they offer to do so much financially as a way to make your life as good as possible knowing you are suffering in pain.....but perhaps they make sacrifices willingly at the time, but deep down feel overwhelmed by their responsibilities and then this gets thrown back at you.

Perhaps before things get resolved long term you could get them to work out an allowance either weekly or monthly that they can afford and are happy with and you can budget for all your own purchases and living expenses. This would alleviate the need to ask for anything which is making you understandably feel so uncomfortable.

Take Care Let us know how you get on with your therapist.


Well, that's exactly what we do! They send me a lump sum each month and I live off that with no problem. So theoretically I could have gone and bought the tablet without them even knowing. Which is why I said I would end up not discussing things with them if I get a guilt trip each time I try to discuss things with them. I've even out right asked them for more emotional support and my mom freaked saying "oh my God! We've sent you sooooo much money!" I said "mom, I appreciate that to the end of the earth but that's FINANCIAL SUPPORT! Not emotional support! Money doesn't hug me and tell me things are going to be ok!" She doesn't get it. She never will. I grew up missing something and in my 20s figured out it was emotional support from ANYONE! I never had it from anyone growing up. Then I married an emotionally absent man and it got worse. So I'm basically starving for emotional care right now. That's why I ended up abusing pain medication! It numbed the emotional pain I was in.

Well, my dog is driving me nuts. Gotta run.
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Old 04-14-2016, 08:59 PM #14
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Default Re: Having a breakdown!!!!!

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Originally Posted by Trellum View Post
Oh Karen (my name is Karen as well, btw) I had to double check your post, because for a moment i thought you were talking about my own mother. She is just like that, she is most of the times so defensive and rarely she utters a word of support or something to make me feel better. I'm moving soon, but I've had to depend on her for a while... I'm glad I no longer will. It's so tiring and difficult at times, mine also talks a lot about money... how much she spends, etc. So you are not alone. Please feel free to come here and talk with us when you feel like you are need support and encouragement


Hi! I thought I replied to you but can't find it now. Anyway, I'm so glad you can relate!! It's very refreshing to know someone understands how I feel! I couldn't imagine living with them and know they wouldn't want that either! I know that's why they pay so much to keep me in my own place!! I would go to a homeless shelter before moving in with them. Too many unresolved issues. I'd love to go to a therapist and talk things out so they hear from a third party they they just aren't listening to me!!! Because I'm in recovery from drug addiction, I've been through so much therapy and have been taught how to talk to my mom and dad and to show them I'm hearing what they're saying and understand what they've said. Then I say, "now that I've heard how you feel, will you listen to how I feel and we possibly come to a middle ground?" Unfortunately the topic the other night wasn't a middle of the ground type of thing.

Let me tell you what's going on right now. My dog has Cushings disease. She started acting really strange last night so I took her to the vet today. Things are not looking good for her. Like really bad. I sent a text to my daughter and my mom at the same time. My daughter is sending all these wonderful, sweet texts but my moms only text thought the entire thing was "?????" Basically my dog is on the only type of medication that treats Cushings. Her symptoms are either she's allergic to the medication or the tumor on the pituitary gland is much larger than we thought and is causing all sorts of brain issues. Either way it's bad news for my pup. She needs to be treated for the Cushings. My dogs are like my children. I've had her more than 10 years. It'd be real nice to hear something sweet out of my moms mouth!

Even when my daughter overdosed and was in the hospital I got yelled at from my mom for not keeping up with my housework!! If that's not cold, I don't know what is!!!
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Old 04-14-2016, 09:30 PM #15
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Default Re: Having a breakdown!!!!!

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Originally Posted by KarenH View Post
Hi! I thought I replied to you but can't find it now. Anyway, I'm so glad you can relate!! It's very refreshing to know someone understands how I feel! I couldn't imagine living with them and know they wouldn't want that either! I know that's why they pay so much to keep me in my own place!! I would go to a homeless shelter before moving in with them. Too many unresolved issues. I'd love to go to a therapist and talk things out so they hear from a third party they they just aren't listening to me!!! Because I'm in recovery from drug addiction, I've been through so much therapy and have been taught how to talk to my mom and dad and to show them I'm hearing what they're saying and understand what they've said. Then I say, "now that I've heard how you feel, will you listen to how I feel and we possibly come to a middle ground?" Unfortunately the topic the other night wasn't a middle of the ground type of thing.

Let me tell you what's going on right now. My dog has Cushings disease. She started acting really strange last night so I took her to the vet today. Things are not looking good for her. Like really bad. I sent a text to my daughter and my mom at the same time. My daughter is sending all these wonderful, sweet texts but my moms only text thought the entire thing was "?????" Basically my dog is on the only type of medication that treats Cushings. Her symptoms are either she's allergic to the medication or the tumor on the pituitary gland is much larger than we thought and is causing all sorts of brain issues. Either way it's bad news for my pup. She needs to be treated for the Cushings. My dogs are like my children. I've had her more than 10 years. It'd be real nice to hear something sweet out of my moms mouth!

Even when my daughter overdosed and was in the hospital I got yelled at from my mom for not keeping up with my housework!! If that's not cold, I don't know what is!!!
So sorry about your pup, I've heard about cushing before, but in humans. I'm guessing it's as bad or even worse for dogs (I had no idea dogs could also get it, poor things!). I'm so sorry your mom acts like that, it does sound like she is cold, has she ever sad something nice to you? in any other instance?

Mine has a couple of times, but most of the time she just brushes off my worries quickly... making me feel like my feelings are not valid or what is going on is not important at all. It's awful I think for people like us that leave us wanting some validation from our parents - I still do.

*SIGH* Sadly we can't chose our parents I wish I could have had a more understanding mother. While growing up did you ever feel like you had to compete with other things (people, TV, or whatever) to get some of her attention? I did and still do. I mean you'd think a kind word here and there would be easier than bitter words or criticisms, right? Always telling you what you did wrong, but rarely or never what you did right. No one should need to deal with that

I really hope your pup feels better soon, I also have a pup I love dearly, you get to love them so much, like your children.
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