vickythecat
Senior member
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2017
- Messages
- 366
- Reason
- DX FIBRO
- Diagnosis
- 01/2013
- Country
- EU
- State
- Earth
Hi,
I am not entitled to disability or any benefits in the country I currently live in, as fibromyalgia, CFS, nerve damage or my lifelong mental health issues (BPD, major depression, social anxiety, PTSD) are not considered 'enough' to be entitled. Sad, really really sad. I am very lucky that I have a supportive family and some savings, but for those who don't have those, and suffer from the same, I really feel for them.
On the other hand, when I lived overseas and was 'only' diagnosed with BPD and major depression, I was on disability. But I felt guilty about it back then, because I had ok days, when I really felt like I could work. And I really wanted to work, because my days needed some structure and I get bored so easily. But the state told me not to because I was 'easily a danger to myself'. And of course on bad days, I was very thankful to be on disability and that I was living in a country who cared more for me than I did for myself.
Now, slowly my savings are running out and I am beginning to feel more like burden to my family. I want my independence, my own place, my own income....so I am thinking of moving back to the country where I could claim disability.
But I also feel so guilty. On one hand, I feel like I deserve it, I have really tried my best in life, I did my best not to be burden on anyone, studied hard, worked hard for many years, did volunteer work even from my hospital bed, but it is simply no longer possible. If everyone else deserves disability due to their mental illness and/or fibromyalgia/CFS, then I 'deserve' it too, right? says one voice inside my head.
On the other hand, there is this loud voice inside of me that tells me that I should not be a burden on anyone, that if I can't make a living on my own, then I should not live at all. That I am not worthy of disability benefits or any treatments to make me feel better. I must be deserving of all of this crap going on in my mind and body.....
Can anyone relate, in any way?
I am not entitled to disability or any benefits in the country I currently live in, as fibromyalgia, CFS, nerve damage or my lifelong mental health issues (BPD, major depression, social anxiety, PTSD) are not considered 'enough' to be entitled. Sad, really really sad. I am very lucky that I have a supportive family and some savings, but for those who don't have those, and suffer from the same, I really feel for them.
On the other hand, when I lived overseas and was 'only' diagnosed with BPD and major depression, I was on disability. But I felt guilty about it back then, because I had ok days, when I really felt like I could work. And I really wanted to work, because my days needed some structure and I get bored so easily. But the state told me not to because I was 'easily a danger to myself'. And of course on bad days, I was very thankful to be on disability and that I was living in a country who cared more for me than I did for myself.
Now, slowly my savings are running out and I am beginning to feel more like burden to my family. I want my independence, my own place, my own income....so I am thinking of moving back to the country where I could claim disability.
But I also feel so guilty. On one hand, I feel like I deserve it, I have really tried my best in life, I did my best not to be burden on anyone, studied hard, worked hard for many years, did volunteer work even from my hospital bed, but it is simply no longer possible. If everyone else deserves disability due to their mental illness and/or fibromyalgia/CFS, then I 'deserve' it too, right? says one voice inside my head.
On the other hand, there is this loud voice inside of me that tells me that I should not be a burden on anyone, that if I can't make a living on my own, then I should not live at all. That I am not worthy of disability benefits or any treatments to make me feel better. I must be deserving of all of this crap going on in my mind and body.....
Can anyone relate, in any way?