Dreams going down the drain

[Robin55]

I've always wanted to be a writer and be involved in the TV industry. Well, I've finally come to realize that that's never going to happen. 42 years old and washed up. Fibro, major knee problems and the fact that I'm stuck in dead-end job because of financial reasons, are all keeping those dreams dangling out of reach. I can't write as much as I need to in order to get a manuscript done because I just don't have time. I work full-time, help take care of my spouse who is in bad health and have to clean and shop. So here I am and there's nothing I can do about it.

 

[l3itch]

You are not alone. I purchased a farm earlier this year to live out my dreams. My husband has decided he's more of a city boy and hates it. I'm too exhausted to keep up and am literally - about to loose the farm.

You've got to try to find the positive side of things, even if it's buried deep in the pile of poo. Keep your head up. Everything happens for a reason.

 

[Robin55]

Hi there. Thanks for the kind words. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. It must totally suck. I hope things get better for you. It all does get overwhelming. I'm not happy at work but I have to in order to pay the bills. I'm realistic enough to know that. My partner and I are fighting right now and I can't talk to her about it anyway because she already knows it and apparently doesn't want to listen to me about it anymore. So sometimes I just need a sounding board. Thanks for lending an ear.

 

[LivetoErr]

I don't even know what a dream is. I couldn't even begin to think of something I'd love to do with my life. That would require focus. I have more projects, ideas, interests, etc that I know what to do with.

Why does it matter how long it takes you to write a manuscript? Is there a time limit on these things? You can't write just a little here and there, like over your lunch break or something? Is your spouse the same as your partner? You know what I think about cleaning? Leave it for when you have a good day. Who cares what your house looks like? Mines a mess right now. When I get a small burst of energy, I'll sweep. That always makes a difference. I do what I can, when I can and others just have to accept that.

 

[Robin55]

LivetoErr, I like your attitude. Writing is so time consuming and I can't really get a good start writing at lunch because we only have a half hour, so I'd no sooner get started til it's time to quit. Plus, I always call home to make sure my partner is ok. She is disabled because of severe back issues. She is my spouse, although we're having a very bad fight right now. We haven't spoken much since last night. But I digress. I'm sorry that you're having trouble focusing. That sucks. I have periods like that. Damn fibro! Maybe you could just pick the thing you're most interested in and start there? Just a suggestion.

 

[l3itch]

I'm starting to realize that having someone to vent to / talk to is really important. I have a non-supportive husband and no real support from friends or family. The stress builds up in me until I feel hopeless. I've been venting on this forum, as well as talking to people I've met online and it's seemed to really help. Even though I don't have the best marriage, or one at all, and things do feel completely hopeless, just talking to someone, anyone, helps reduce the anxiety and hopelessness feelings. Even just reading the posts on this forum, knowing other people are going through this too helps.

Today I feel better, like maybe I can keep the farm, but who knows how long that will last. These are the days I need to hang on to.

Hang in there, your dreams aren't necessarily over, just delayed a bit. Good things come to those who wait, right?

 

[Trellum]

Sorry to hear that, Robin! Sometimes things happen for a reason, but I don't think you should lose hope, because you never know what life has prepared for you. I mean, look at me! I'm in the Netherlands right now and I never expected that to happen. Last year I found the love of my life as well. What I mean is... You never know what is going to happen Life is so full of amazing surprises.

 

[MrsFish]

Don't give up, at least you have the dream, like the pp said you can write anytime
me, even if it's only an hour a week.

I am sort of in the same boat. I got married and pregnant right out of college, I have never had a career, but have always stayed home and taken care of the kids and house. Well this year my youngest is finally in school so after 17 years it supposed to be my turn. Unfortunately I am too tired to even think about what I want to do, or realistically follow through with it :-(

 

[lovelife]

I feel for you! all year I've been telling my husband that i'll get a job next year. just as soon as my daughter is old enough to go to playgroup. now I've been diagnosed with fibro and a good day means I washed the dishes or did a load of laundry. im only 23 its so depressing! my mom just told me she thinks I can overcome this with laughter therapy and imaging thinking. I don't know... but I have found inspiration from norman cousins. you should check him out on youtube. he gave me lots of inspiration and hope to get better.

 

[daleo717]

My advice is to keep writing whenever you get the chance. Do not stop believing in your dreams, they are just on delay right now. The timing is not right yet, but do not give up. Things will get better and your dreams can become a reality. Just because they haven't happened yet doesn't mean they will not happen. I have had to wait for many things in this life, but they eventually do show up. Sometimes not until you are almost 50 or 60 years old. So in the meantime try and keep positive and continue to practice your writing skills, you will get better and better. Try and put some time aside each week to write, even if it's only for 10 minutes at time. This all ads up. And doing the writing puts a positive message out into the universe. Good luck and I hope things get better for you soon.

 

[mariposa]

Maybe you won't be able to follow the part of your dream about working in the TV industry because that may take a lot of money and relocation, etc. But the writing... I really don't see a reason you'd have to think that it needs to be given up!

I'd personally go with "one manuscript at a time no matter how long it takes" instead of "rich and famous author with a bajillion books in print." (Okay, extreme example, but if all you can write is an hour before bedtime, for example, I'll bet you can squeeze more out of that hour than you imagined.)

Best of luck with getting that manuscript done... it may just be your dream come true rather than your dream down the drain, yes?

 

[Hedonologist]

There always somethings you can do to work towards your dreams but Fibro certainly can put na spanner in the works. Fibro can damage you financially as well as in other ways. But you can usually find time for short study, unless you have severe brain fog in which case Fibro really can hold you back. I hope thing improve for you over time.

 

[dorann]

I'm sorry that you feel like your dreams are going down the drain. Wanting to be a writer is very commendable, it is something that I want to do as well. Don't let that dream slip away from you. Even if you are only able to get ten minutes of writing done each day, you will eventually be able to get that manuscript done.

 

[beca124]

I agree with delao. In the years I've had this I've taken both baby steps, giant steps and side steps, even back steps too. If something is IN YOU then do it & try very hard not to take any cr__! I've been given more than my my fair share of it and know it sticks to somebody. Writing is something I've never been good at because I always say the wrong thing here or there. I envy you gift very much. Many would say that 42 is still a kid. Many wish they were that age. Don't get lost in your 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's and on or one may turn around and miss it. Write it down. It just might be tomorrow's book. It won't if you stop writing and give all you have and more to your life.