The Importance of Sleep

[CreativeOne]

I have been a very light sleeper most of my adult life(32 years). I struggle at times with explaining to others, like partners, how much I am affected if their night habits keep me up. Zink supplements seem to help me sleep deeper/less random awakenings. And now I am on astralagus. I guess my nerve general sensitivities are likely a package deal with Fibro. It's just hard to set up boundaries and explain to my current roommate/x partner just how sick I could be feeling all day the next day after getting very little sleep. This person just decides its me who would have insomnia and it has nothing yo do with them being very active as soon as I am in bed. Does Fibro drive people to sleep in separate bedrooms too?
My issues with this current situation on top of other issues they stress me out with in the daytime, are enough to end the living together thing completely.

 

[sunkacola]

Yes, my fibro did cause me to sleep in a different bedroom during the time that I was dating someone and they stayed at my house. It made all the difference. The other person did not like it and tried to say no, but I simply said that either they sleep in the guest room or they do not stay at my house. No compromise on that. I didn't say this in a mean way, and even apologised for it, but I am very firm with anything that disrupts my sleep. I just cannot happen if it is possible to prevent it. My sleep is critically important to me. It sounds as if it is for you as well, so although I generally never give anyone an ultimatum, I think it is appropriate in that case.

I do other thingsd to help my sleep and always have, even before I developed fibro, as I have always had problems with it. I always have a very comfortable bed. Currently I achieve that with a decent mattress (although 10 yeara old) and most important - a memory foam topper that makes my bed feel wonderfully comfortable to my body and didn't even cost too much, although if it had it would have been worth it. I always have nice quality sheets that I like both in color and feel. They cost more, but again it's worth it because they last longer and make a difference. Pillows - same thing. I do not do any kind of screen time within 2 hours of going to bed. I make my room very dark. And I read a novel after getting into bed, which doesn't allow my mind to go wandering off on things that might keep me awake.

I also take trazadone every night, which allows me to have a full night of sleep, and have been taking that for many years, having started well 20 years before I developed fibro. It is not a sleep medication as such, but helps a lot of people with that.

When something affects your overall health, you have the right to insist that you have what you need.

 

[JayCS]

Does Fibro drive people to sleep in separate bedrooms too?

I had a strong need to sleep together before fibro, so much so that I had the feeling it's one of 2 big reasons to decide against a relationship.
I wasn't consequent with that tho, it got the better of me. So I hoped it would go my way some time, if I don't pressure it.
Everyone said it's my problem, not hers. It was one last part of becoming independent instead of co-dependent and I gradually learnt it.
It very much benefits our relationship and me too, I got a strong feeling of belonging and security and never wanting to change partners again, independently of sleep, rows, daily quibbles, nothing can shake me, I'm no longer dependent, like I always had been.
Then my fibro full flare started and I couldn't even tolerate the touch, I needed to move very regularly, it didn't calm me any longer, it irritated.
First the need was still there, but it gradually subsided, and now I'm happy that I can be alone every night...
So: Yes, I need to sleep alone since fibro (might've got better since my local pains are down, dunno 'bout that).
And: It's not your fault, like sunkacola says. And there are many people who can't sleep together and still have a fulfilling relationship.
(Occasionally I've wondered whether this is not only a coincidental quirk of nature but psychosomatic - the unfulfilled need, as soul pain, ending in fibro body pain, or the other way around a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy of me adapting to my situation (which'd again be a sort of instinctive co-dependency), but I and people I've talked to about it say: rubbish. It wouldn't fit to the above positive development.)

 

[sunkacola]

And there are many people who can't sleep together and still have a fulfilling relationship

This is very true! I have known many couples who do not sleep in the same bed every night, due to snoring, the need to get up frequetly, a difference in how cold or warm they want the room to be, restless legs or sleep patterns, one works nights and the other works days, and so on....there are many other reasons. I have not seen any evidence that this was harmful to the relationship, and with those whom I have asked, they said it was fine.

I think if one person needs this and the other refuses to do it, that is a huge red flag----it indicates that the other person doesn't care as much about their partner's well-being as they care about having their own way. I know from experience that if this is the case, the relationship shouldn't continue. It won't get better, only worse. Guaranteed.

 

[Snoozer]

I think if one person needs this and the other refuses to do it, that is a huge red flag----it indicates that the other person doesn't care as much about their partner's well-being as they care about having their own way.

Amen! I know plenty of couples who sleep separate due to c-pap machine, snoring, or simply don't want to be touched even without fibro. It can be hard on someone who's love language is physical touch and feels more fulfilled being closer together, but at that point, you've got to make a decision on what's a requirement in your relationship and that could be parting ways --- not refusing to accommodate and carrying on as if this is acceptable.

Tough place to be, that's for sure.

 

[CreativeOne]

I also have had anxiety attacks in the past if I lacked sleep too.
My roommate is moving away tonight but really made it difficult for me to feel peaceful and get a good nights sleep again last night as a parting gift. I cleared my schedule for tomorrow to sleep in and rest up before going out to get anything big done the next day.

 

[GRC109A]

For a while, I had sleep problems, anxiety and palpitations.... retiring and other issues... finally resolved.
A natural latex mattress and topper helped a lot.
For noise, I use soft foam earplugs.
Once in a while, I'll feel restless so I'll get out of bed and sit or lay down in another room until I feel sleepy again. No bright lights, TV or computer screens to make me wired up!
Before bed, I take a magnesium/calcium supplement.

 

[Rainbow]

As a lone Matriarch of a large family (20 & still counting, I've told them to stop breeding but they won't listen),
inevitably ensures ongoing challenges, significant stress levels, traumas & dramas.

In short, if you've got a family, you've got problems.
Especially mine, who have their own struggles physically & mental-health-wise.
I often liken it to being in charge of a Circus Troupe on L.S.D.

A good night's quality sleep of minimum of at least 7/8 hours every night is therefore an absolute priority for me, as it enables me to function & be productive and be the best version of myself that it is possible to be & cope with whatever Fibro & my family throws at me.

So, after 3 long awful years of trying anything & everything natural, herbal, even weird & still not finding anything that helped,
apart from the very small amount of Sleep Meds my G.P. would condescend to prescribe for me a couple of times a year
& only if I'd become hysterical or sobbing & usually both,
as I was told ...They're addictive (?!)
As if that matters one single iota at my age & when I have no quality of life, or able to deal with my responsibilities, without sleep.

Then after the last refusal years back & being devastated & distraught one too many times,
I decided to take control, take matters into my own hands & access what I needed privately
& that's exactly what I've done ever since.

Thus, I go to bed every night knowing I will get the sleep I need & as I say, that's MY No.1 priority.

DISCLAIMER: This is my personal decision for myself & as usual, I do not advise anyone to do what I do.