Emotional effect

[Badger]

From what I've read and heard Fibromyalgia suffers regularly experience fight or flight causing stressful symptoms. In my case I freeze up and can't think straight. Sometimes there a muscle spasms in my arms. Looking back it seems stress was a big part of it in a lifetime of bottling things up.

I'm sorry to hear that you had to give up your training and experienced those awful events. When it's our back troubling us it stops us in our tracks. I found lying in the semi supine position helps back spasms. Hopefully different forms of relaxation such as deep breathing might help to train our nervous systems to switch to para sympathetic / rest and digest mode.

Perhaps a doctor could otherwise help with a different medication?

 

[Auriel]

@Surviver 45 being an empath is lethal you feel EVERYTHING everyone's moods everyone and everything's energy (it can put you into overload sometimes and confusion as to which feelings are yours and which is someone elses) the fact your name is survivor am i right in guessing you've had narcissistic people in your life? (another wierd side effect of being an empath, a lot of narcissists/cluster b/dark triad + a lot of bizzarely behaving people throwing a lot of projections your way) it's challenging (that's a serious understatement) on a much lighter note, welcome to our forum hope you stay a while (and hope it helps in some way)

 

[Willowtree]

One thing I think a lot of people have difficulty understanding is how seriously negative emotional experiences can affect those of us with fibromyalgia. I strongly suspect this is true for people with different forms of chronic pain, but it is certainly true for many of us with fibromyalgia.

Case in point, yesterday morning my beloved dog was attacked by another dog. The other dog belongs to a very close friend of mine, and my dog was not badly injured even though the other dog is about 4 times my dog's size. I pulled my back rather badly by grabbing and picking the other dog up off my dog, and my dog has a bit of a sore shoulder, but basically it was a relatively minor event all around, only terrifying for several seconds, and my friend and I are working through how to prevent this happening again. It was not the fault of either dog; her dog is a good dog, it was a misunderstanding that got out of control.

But in all of that I am the one with the largest physical result. Not only to my back, but by the end of the day yesterday there was nothing in my entire body that did not register pretty high on the pain scale. The event was traumatic, even though it did not end in tragedy by any stretch, simply because I was so terrified my very important dog was being injured. All that adrenaline which allowed me to pick the other dog up went into my whole body and every muscle was tense for hours afterward. Even today, I am still experiencing the physical results of that. My dog is actually fine, and I'm still in a lot of pain throughout my body.

This is not something most people who have not experienced it can really grasp. It's hard to believe. I am not sure I would truly believe it if I did not experience it myself. It sounds purely psychological: just relax and be glad that everything is basically OK, and you'll be fine. But my body doesn't do that even when my brain is satisfied that there's nothing more to be upset about, and I am no longer emotionally affected by the event and am completely calmed down.

Maybe this kind of thing contributes to people thinking that fibro is "all in our heads", who knows. But I can feel relaxed and resolved mentally and emotionally about something that has happened, while my body continues to produce serious pain. Even though my muscles are now relaxed and normal again today, the pain remains. I wish I could find a way to shut that physical reaction down once the emotional reaction is calmed down.

I bet many of you here have experienced something similar to this.

I feel soooo badly for you, and I don't know how else to say this except the exact same thing happened to me. It was absolutely horrifying. Good friend, both good dogs, what happened, happened, and I can trigger physical reactions just by my memories of that. It's been a particularly difficult winter for me, having experienced more reactions and coming more fully into understanding that crap, I really have this, and it's NOT going away. And no, people can't fully understand that, because to them, you're just making a bad situation worse by your reaction (I'm talking about me) and that may be, but haven't figured out how to control that.

 

[sunkacola]

coming more fully into understanding that crap, I really have this, and it's NOT going away. And no, people can't fully understand that, because to them, you're just making a bad situation worse by your reaction (I'm talking about me) and that may be, but haven't figured out how to control that.

Willowtree, you are correct that this is not going to just go away.
But, it can get better, and you can become more skilled in dealing with it and working with your body to ameliorate the pain and other symptoms somewhat.

I think of it like a person learning how to deal with having only one leg all of a sudden. The leg isn't coming back, and at first not having it means the person isn't able to do anything they used to do. But in time the body and the mind adapt to the change and the person learns to live with the emotional, physical, and mental pain and anguish of the situation. Some people adapt in one way and others in another way. some people go on to run a marathon and others choose a wheelchair.

I think what is important is that just because some people run a marathon after getting a leg amputated it doesn't mean that those who choose a wheelchair are lazy or have not tried hard enough or are in any other way "wrong" in how they have adapted to it.

Each of us does what seems right to us; what we want to choose to do, what works for us; what we are able to do. And we are not alike! What is important is what works for you - what you can live with.

The only way to find out what that is, is to try different things. But that doesn't mean you "have" to try what anyone suggests. In my advice post, for instance, I list a lot of things. But that doesn't mean anyone needs to try them all, or any of them, and it doesn't mean that any of them will necessarily be what is helpful to any certain person. They are only things to try if you feel moved to do so.

People will say all kinds of things. You're making it worse by your reaction. You are not trying hard enough. You need to be more motivated. You need to do yoga. You need to take this or that supplement. And so on.

And we internalize these things and end up saying them to ourselves. But I think that these statements need to be closely examined. Is it true? Is telling yourself that (or hearing it from someone else) helpful? Does it seem to you like the right thing to try or the right time to try it?

The only thing that I think is genuinely useful for everyone is to do your best not to give up and think that things will only get worse and therefore it's not worth trying anything. And even this feeling shouldn't be criticized if it comes up in a person, because it's natural to feel overwhelmed and discouraged. One just hopes that if a person does feel this way they are able to feel encouraged by what someone else experiences, and to try again.

Willowtree, take heart. You can learn to work with your body and live a decent life even with fibromyalgia. I hope that this forum can help you.

 

[SBee]

I'm struggling a little with some guilt in the way I now live to help with the fibro. Like many I was always a multi tasker, finishing most of the jobs that needed doing with ease, and then even when the symptoms for worse, and particularly fighting against the fatigue, I still carried on.
Until I just couldnt.

Whilst I have accepted fibromyalgia, I am becoming a lot more aware about what my body ( and mind ) needs, as in what I can do to help myself, approaching ways to exercise, or move more slowly, resting when needed ,working with ways to lessen anxiety, learning more about the condition, I am a bit mixed up emotionally.

Because whilst I love being able to spend such time on myself ( in addition to usual life tasks) I find a slight guilt in spending the time on learning meditation, adapting exercises that I can now do, altering eating habits etc. Part of me still feels I would actually be doing something more ' productive ' when in reality I know that if I didn't look after myself so well now, I would crash right back down again and be in a pretty useless position.

Does this feeling of guilt go in time do you think?

 

[Willowtree]

Willowtree, you are correct that this is not going to just go away.
But, it can get better, and you can become more skilled in dealing with it and working with your body to ameliorate the pain and other symptoms somewhat.

I think of it like a person learning how to deal with having only one leg all of a sudden. The leg isn't coming back, and at first not having it means the person isn't able to do anything they used to do. But in time the body and the mind adapt to the change and the person learns to live with the emotional, physical, and mental pain and anguish of the situation. Some people adapt in one way and others in another way. some people go on to run a marathon and others choose a wheelchair.

I think what is important is that just because some people run a marathon after getting a leg amputated it doesn't mean that those who choose a wheelchair are lazy or have not tried hard enough or are in any other way "wrong" in how they have adapted to it.

Each of us does what seems right to us; what we want to choose to do, what works for us; what we are able to do. And we are not alike! What is important is what works for you - what you can live with.

The only way to find out what that is, is to try different things. But that doesn't mean you "have" to try what anyone suggests. In my advice post, for instance, I list a lot of things. But that doesn't mean anyone needs to try them all, or any of them, and it doesn't mean that any of them will necessarily be what is helpful to any certain person. They are only things to try if you feel moved to do so.

People will say all kinds of things. You're making it worse by your reaction. You are not trying hard enough. You need to be more motivated. You need to do yoga. You need to take this or that supplement. And so on.

And we internalize these things and end up saying them to ourselves. But I think that these statements need to be closely examined. Is it true? Is telling yourself that (or hearing it from someone else) helpful? Does it seem to you like the right thing to try or the right time to try it?

The only thing that I think is genuinely useful for everyone is to do your best not to give up and think that things will only get worse and therefore it's not worth trying anything. And even this feeling shouldn't be criticized if it comes up in a person, because it's natural to feel overwhelmed and discouraged. One just hopes that if a person does feel this way they are able to feel encouraged by what someone else experiences, and to try again.

Willowtree, take heart. You can learn to work with your body and live a decent life even with fibromyalgia. I hope that this forum can help you.

Sunkacola, that was pretty beautiful, thank you. That particular incident, and a few others happened before I realized how much of my fibro has affected my life. Which, btw, I just emailed a new friend of mine today and told her she probably knew more about it than I. She doesn't have fibro, but has another friend and family member who does. As for me, today I'm still trying to figure out how I had no problem believing the diagnosis when it came four years ago, have had many symptoms and suffering for a number of years, .........BUT!! it wasn't until this past winter when I woke up one day and thought, I can't believe this. I think I'm in the middle of a really long, bad flare. I don't know if this has happened to anyone else, but I was and still am, pretty dumbfounded, and keep asking myself....where was I when THIS snuck up on me! Because this is NOT going away as obviously it must have subsided more quickly before, and certainly never lasted like this or encompassed my entire ability to function like this. And within about 48 hours actually rearranging my schedule to NOT do certain things so I COULD DO the one thing I wanted to do, Y'know? I've never consciously done that before. And a whole lot of past details fell into place and made sense. I've just been shaking my head and kinda half-laughing/snorting all day. I guess you'd call it the "aha" moment, or "the lightbulb went on". And for once I was home, lolol

 

[Willowtree]

I'm struggling a little with some guilt in the way I now live to help with the fibro. Like many I was always a multi tasker, finishing most of the jobs that needed doing with ease, and then even when the symptoms for worse, and particularly fighting against the fatigue, I still carried on.
Until I just couldnt.

Whilst I have accepted fibromyalgia, I am becoming a lot more aware about what my body ( and mind ) needs, as in what I can do to help myself, approaching ways to exercise, or move more slowly, resting when needed ,working with ways to lessen anxiety, learning more about the condition, I am a bit mixed up emotionally.

Because whilst I love being able to spend such time on myself ( in addition to usual life tasks) I find a slight guilt in spending the time on learning meditation, adapting exercises that I can now do, altering eating habits etc. Part of me still feels I would actually be doing something more ' productive ' when in reality I know that if I didn't look after myself so well now, I would crash right back down again and be in a pretty useless position.

Does this feeling of guilt go in time do you think?

@SBee - My initial reaction to that is we're human, I don't know if guilt ever goes away completely, for me it will probably creep up when I interact with someone who has no idea of my situation. I can look pretty normal. Then why would "I" do "that". Which really goes back to I'm worrying about what someone else will think of me. That's not healthy. I know that. I'm working on that one yet..... plus a few other things. And you sound way ahead of me in taking care of yourself or learning how to. That's HUGE. I know how hard that is.

 

[BlueBells]

@Willowtree

My head not up to scratch, so I skipped through your posts.

I'm so pleased you found the forums, but much moreso that you are joining in. So many place one or two posts and are gone, and the benefit is only realised once one begins to converse.

 

[SBee]

Thanks you @Willowtree

I do try to work to my body needs but many days Life Stuff gets in the way that needs attention as well. And Like everyone I have to push myself further than may be good. But I just try to do the best I can on any given day. And I am definitely still learning.
Take care and remember to be kind to yourself

 

[Rainbow]

@doni

Hi there, I have noticed that also. A lot of movies or shows I used to like are now too triggering, and so I am sticking with the lighter hearted ones.

At times I can only watch, not using my hands (or brain) too much, so I do watch a lot of movies at times. I cannot handle movies where animals or main characters die, even My Girl is a no go, and Lassie, as the fellows little dog dies. I just don't go there any more.

News, well, I virtually never watch that at all.

We seem to be kindred spirits.
I have to be very careful what I watch on TV too, as I'm so emotionally open & vulnerable, so have to 'self edit'.
I've described it as metaphorically having no skin on.
Am not sure if it's Fibro-related, an age thing, previous traumatic experiences taking their toll or a combination of all of these
but whatever it is, it makes life extra-challenging, that's for sure.

 

[JamieMarc]

I most certainly feel exactly what you describe and almost any stressful, negative, emotional experience, situation or interaction. And it makes me wonder about the potential connection between personality types and fibromyalgia. I don't know if personality types is the best word but in my fog it was the first thing that popped out of my mouth.

Conversely, positive emotions and positive experiences have a healing effect upon my pain level and fibromyalgia in general. Now, I think I can say that this is generally a well-known truth. It's pretty much common sense.

But in our case I suspect that the negative effect is stronger, more profound and lasting.

It's all rather hard to wrap my head around because of course negative, unpleasant situations are naturally going to cause negative emotions and vice versa. But why is it that, and I'm speaking only for me personally, the consequences for me are tenfold, at least, compared to someone without fibromyalgia.

A glaring example of this in my own life right now, and there are many other smaller examples, but this is a good one. A glaring example is a dispute with the individual that I purchased my home from in September. Without going into any details, this dispute began in November of 2023. I tried to resolve it amicably on my own, But ultimately was forced to spend literally hundreds of hours of my own time, and then file a claim in court. So for almost 6 months I have been utterly stressed out over this situation, and my body has been screaming at me because of it. I have a strong case and I was perfectly prepared to go to court, argue my case and have every confidence that I would win. However, because I could no longer tolerate the adverse effects to my health, my well-being, my pain levels, I ultimately settled because I just needed to have it be over and done with. My body and my brain just couldn't take anymore pain. I just accepted the settlement yesterday. It was lower than I sued for. It was lower than I originally asked for before going to court. But I totally needed it to be done with. It was to the point where the amount of money didn't matter anymore because my health mattered more. I made a calculated decision that the amount offered was not ideal but it was sufficient, and my help was too important to drag this out any longer. Or rather to allow someone else to drag this out any longer.

I'm glad you brought this up @sunkacola
It's an excellent topic. One that Rings very true in my own life and my own history. And one that I think merits further discussion and exploration.

 

[JamieMarc]

have to be very careful what I watch on TV too, a

Omg! This is so true of me as well. I avoid dramas and almost all reality TV shows. I won't say I avoid every genre of drama, but I sure do avoid those that I know are going to put me in a bad space. I didn't read the OP, but when I read your sentence I immediately identified with having to be careful about what I watch. And the same holds true with who I surround myself with, the people I choose to have in my life, music I listen to, and even my interactions with people.

 

[Auriel]

You did the right thing for your physical and emotional health @JamieMarc (so you did the right thing) there's been situation's in my life were I've had to put my psychological and actual health first (instead of going down legal road's with people that would cause me more trauma + stress = more fibro and retraumatization) there's also someone connected to my tenacy that has been boundary violating (and of late "trying" to gaslight me?) ,
I warned them to never phone me again and only contact me "if" necessary by text or letter) I was in bed for 2 day's after a conversation with them once (that's the effect they had on me) we sometime's have to way up the pro's and con's and cut our losses for our own good (and a lot of the time to avoid a worsening of ourselves)

 

[Rainbow]

As regards TV, my sensitivity has now got to the point that despite 'self-editing', even some trailers for future programmes &/or adverts can cause me discomfort and I suspect seeing disturbing images etc may even be connected to the nightmares I seem to be getting prone to.

Am even considering cutting down on TV viewing time, especially later on in the night but then on the other hand, sadly, I now find it difficult to concentrate on reading & TV can be a helpful distraction from Fibro pain etc, so I feel caught between a rock & hard place with this.

 

[SBee]

Hey @JamieMarc I can only echo what @Auriel ( Hi ! ) says. You may have lost something from a financial point, which is huge in anyone's lives, but you have have protected your mental and physical health by backing off and we all know mentally and physical health have such an impact on each other.
Some battles are easier to fight, but at times we need to put health first. Everyday life can be tough ( for anyone ) but throw in the chronic health... Perfect storm.

TV wise @Auriel @JamieMarc and @Rainbow I seem pretty ok with content,I still shout at the tv watching news, can do dramas and films etc but some real life documentaries are becoming a big no, especially if they entail conflict, or animal or children violations. And it anything is too loud,shouty or flashing wildly, too much stimulus. But I could do with out the tv to be honest.

@Rainbow as for night time, I turn off tv very early, and the phone and ipad. I need to wind down from technology.

I love to read avidly, but understand this is something that's no longer suitable for you. Tried radio? Music or plays r talk shows. etc, Talking books - libraries stock these. It can be a simpler less invasive way than tv