Bad Day

[Auriel]

Cool (good to know) Thanks @Badger!

 

[SBee]

Hi @Auriel

I used to love doing yoga at home but pain stopped me. I found a youtube video out together by Canadian physiotherapist specifically for those with chronic pain, because I wanted a more professional guidance tailored to my health needs. It's only 25 minutes but suits me as I can do it as and when my day to day life works and also dependent on my fatigue levels. I do it at least 6 days a week. I see it as a great for my mind and body.
Do look into your local class, it's become a vital part of my day now.

 

[SBee]

@sunkacola I do feel for you. Losing your life partner, I just cannot imagine the sorrow.
I understand the worry when a loved animal is poorly, I guess your own are rescues? All the animals in our lives last and present have been rescues and come with a few extra quirks from life before us but it's the only way for us. We give and receive so much love from animals to human.

With me saying the small stuff becomes the big stuff, I mean that in a positive sense. Like @JayCS notes what was the ' big stuff ' may not be feasible anymore so my parameters have altered and I do find a lot of pleasure and accomplishment in all that I can do, feel and see every day. Today we saw our first butterfly of the year and a new iris bloom bloomed. And so managed a full 1\2 hour tidying up a small flower bed!
Big happy stuff indeed.

I hope all your sunrises remain a beautiful cerise. Because you know for a certainty you dog will always be cute.

 

[SBee]

Hi @JayCS you always make my brain cells work and give me a lot to think about. I enjoy seeing things from a new perspective .

Yes, I am a different person in that big life experiences do shape me. In all that I have been through lately ( and probably all of us have very tough times) I feel bodily weaker at times, yet the actual core of me is stronger. So I do feel so am not the ' me ' I was a few years ago.

Would I feel different if the symptoms were gone? I cannot think how to answer that truthfully because they are a fact. I cannot predict a different path than the one I am on. I

Perimenopause hit me very badly indeed, my cyclical moods were so black that suicidal thoughts intruded. I seeked the right help and eventually got into a safer place,as I am now, but I was controlled for a while by my own hormones. it seems irrational to hear, but believe me that is exactly how it felt. So although my hormones are of course part of my own body, I felt very scared and out of control. This has left a big impact on me, although you do not feel last symptoms remain in your thoughts now, they certainly do for me. Maybe one day, I will let them go so they no longer have a good on me? It's just too recent and severe a time.

Yet after getting through that, I now feel better prepared to work with these new health problems.

So Maybe when the cortisol gives me the ' gift' of a little extra energy, I do act differently as I am remembering how I felt prior to these additional symptoms, so in some ways I do feel like the ' old me '. Please don't get me wrong, they are all me, it's just that life experiences have obviously altered many aspects of my life . I am not mourning how I used to be, I have so much resolve and strength. I feel different but not all of it is bad!



I'm happy to celebrate the small now big stuff! I feel like I have let go of some of the difficult trappings of life, my pain and fatigue may have stopped me doing a lot of things, but I hope to learn how to safely build up some energy levels. In some ways I have been forced to live simpler and that's not all had for me.

Hope this wasn't too much waffling. One day I may learn to keep a post short and sweet...

I wish everyone the best day possible.

 

[sunkacola]

I was controlled for a while by my own hormones. it seems irrational to hear, but believe me that is exactly how it felt. So although my hormones are of course part of my own body, I felt very scared and out of control. This has left a big impact on me, although you do not feel last symptoms remain in your thoughts now, they certainly do for me. Maybe one day, I will let them go so they no longer have a good on me? It's just too recent and severe a time.

SBee,
Don't feel alone with this, nor crazy, nor irrational.....in the least!
I say this because I know for a fact that this is something that happens not uncommonly to women in menopause and/or perimenopause.

Things I know happen include: suicidal thoughts in people that have not had them before, inability to remember something as simple as that you went into the kitchen to get a pencil (this happens to everyone occasionally, but I mean happening constantly, daily, with everything), fear of using something like the stove for fear you will forget to turn it off, loss of ability to tell where your body is, and therefore running into things like doorways constantly, causing injury, and tripping on huge things that are obvious like pieces of furniture, strange cravings (not just food), and in general feeling, as you say, Out Of Control.

This can definitely have a big impact on a person. Just knowing that your brain can sort of betray you like this when it has never happened before is so unnerving that it can cause a kind of mild PTSD that takes a long time to dissipate, or may never entirely go away. What I understand, though, is that with time the effects of this will diminish enough that they are no longer a daily part of your life, especially if you work diligently but very gently with yourself to remind yourself that you are OK and safe, and need not fear.

 

[Auriel]

Ok (is only every Friday, but I'll think about going)

 

[JamieMarc]

Acceptance is key! In a sense, all of us are grieving our former selves, the loss of what we were once able to do, how well we felt, and the clarity and enthusiasm we had for life. I know I grieve over that, But ultimately I found acceptance and, as I have stated before, I embrace my pain today as a part of me at this phase in my life. For some that may sound weird or wrong, but constantly stressing over and fighting against my pain, my situation, only adds stress, anxiety and frustration to my life, and that in turn only brings on more pain, both mental and physical. I have found a way to manage and live with my pain and, like all of us here, I'm constantly on a journey of discovery of new ideas to help me with my life with fibromyalgia. I accept and embrace myself wholly, but that does not mean I give up hope or I stop seeking answers, solutions and new ideas, new techniques, new treatments.
And, like @sunkacola I try to take pleasure in even the smallest, simplest things. That brings me much peace which in turn brings me relaxation, joy and ease.

 

[JamieMarc]

@Auriel I don't know what the cost is now, but I was only paying $69.99 annually. No monthly charge. Very very reasonable. Again though, I don't know what they charge now. I have not renewed my subscription yet due to the expenses associated with my new home.

 

[Auriel]

Acceptance is key!

, that doesn't mean we like our pain (or our cfs) but it is such a healthy thing to do, doesn't mean we can't be sad about thing's, but acceptance stops you kind of fighting with yourself to change what is (and eases the frustration and anger a bit)

 

[Badger]

It's nice to hear of the pleasure in simple things. These are easy to miss, understandable when we're feeling rough, but important to remember and experience. Although wet and windy lately, the other day I decided to stretch my legs in the garden while there was a bit of sun. Just standing with my eyes closed and the sun on my face, it felt nice and a reminder of what it's like to feel something pleasant.

 

[SBee]

Thank You so much @sunkacola , this was indeed a truly shocking time in my life. Never thought Would find my way out of it. I knew of no other women who had peri as bad as this, until in desperation I joined a menopause forum. My first list was indeed " I think I am going mad! "
Sadly many women PMS is affected to scary moods. Crucially I learned it was a physical change that affected my mental health, I worked hard to get my hrt to the best levels, and added in a small anti depressant to even things out. And counselling. And kept numbers of mental health crisis helpline on me. I never needed them but it was a kind of safety net.

There is no shame or weakness in mental health difficulties. I would urge anyone who is struggling to reach for some help. I never thought I could ever find my way out of such despair. Please always ask for help.

Luckily now I can do a little support women hit so shockingly with severe peri or meno mood swings.

But I did feel betrayed by my own body, and like some women a loss of confidence in my own self. My trust in my body and mind had gone which is why so think I almost ground to a halt prior to being diagnosed with fibromyalgia - why would I move when it hurt, can I be thrown back down mentally to how I was previously?? Slowly I realised the gentle approach to building movement works with so many benefits. Also to research and understand what is going on, how I can be helped medically and crucially how I can best help myself.

@JamieMarc I am happy to accept my health as it is, yes, I can grieve a little for what I can no longer achieve, but celebrate th things I can do, I really appreciate them more. I am less concerned with people who can't quite grasp chronic pain and fatigue ( in all honestly neither could I until it happened to me!) I know me and continue to learn and strive forward in a slow safe way.

But in some ways I have understood myself a lot more these last few years. I don't like all of it but it's there. I can't waste precious energy on feeling negative - in the long run it does makes me feel worse. So I let the bad thoughts in and try to gently wave them away out of my mind. I can't waste precious energy on them hanging about too long!

@Auriel someone asked me once it I was an optimist or pessemist? Instinct I replied neither, I consider myself a realist ! I accept the sometimes sadness about my symptoms and then I try to waft them gently away.

@Badger I think I have always been an observant person. I love being outdoors. We managed a short walk the other day and spent ages watching some hares in local fields. And yesterday even watching early bees and ladybirds in the garden, there's beauty everywhere as long as we remember to look.

I hope everyone can find something today that makes them happy.

I appreciate everyone on this forum, both for practical advice and support.

 

[JayCS]

you always make my brain cells work and give me a lot to think about. I enjoy

Good to know, otherwise I wouldn't carry on! - And same here...

Yes, I am a different person in that big life experiences do shape me. In all that I have been through lately ( and probably all of us have very tough times) I feel bodily weaker at times, yet the actual core of me is stronger. So I do feel so am not the ' me ' I was a few years ago.

First I thought: yes, I get that! But actually it's the emotional life experiences, relationships of all kinds, that have shaped me - helped me get wiser and like you stronger.
My pain and intolerances etc. all my life I don't think so. My now lost enormous energy as something comparable physical may have influenced "me". But it being decimated now shows me I'm the same, and my wife would say that, too, I'm still "hyperactive". Over time I've learnt to focus that energy more, which was very necessary. And these conditions have taken that even further, from necessity.
But learning new skills, consciously developing my personality doesn't seem what you mean with shaping, cos that wouldn't relate to health conditions.
So similar, but still not same, I spose.

In some ways I have been forced to live simpler and that's not all had for me.

Ah, there we are also similar, just that in my case it's not in some ways, it's in most ways.
Also not bad for me either, rather as said: good.

Funny I as a kid desired to somehow live natural and simple.
But my relationships made my life far more complicated, my choices definitely didn't accord to that desire.
Somehow I also needed challenges, and a woman at my side who fits to my complications.
So maybe the desire for a simple life may have come from my complications.
But now a lot of my life has become natural and simple, independent from complications.

I was controlled for a while by my own hormones. it seems irrational to hear

Doesn't sound irrational at all to me, either. We all know mood swings from ourselves and others.
Of course our hormones work involuntarily, so irrationally. Such a complex system, working brilliantly, but if something goes even a bit wonky that makes our whole life topsy-turvy, and can even question it.

I guess female hormones are a bit "more" complex than male ones, and need to be so.
But realizing that much or I guess all of my symptoms are biochemical, that my reduced serotonin and overshooting cortisol and more are neurotransmitters and hormones and amino acids (= proteins)
shows me how little I am actually in control. And learning to re-balance them shows the delicate system.

 

[Auriel]

I guess female hormones are a bit "more" complex than male one's

yeah, makes us cry more!

 

[SBee]

And they have always made me very very shouty. Even I don't like myself at certain times of the month. @Auriel !

Ah @JayCS I too enjoy giving my brain a good workout and have my thoughts challenged because the best thing about all our thoughts and feelings is there just isn't a right or wrong, all are valid and respected. Saying that I love having food for thought, it's how we all continue to learn and evolve. Aren't humans so varied and interesting?

With your doubt emotional life experiences play their own part in my make up. Both good and bad, as well as physical or health experiences.

That's interesting that you feel relationships in your life have contributed to feelings of complications hence the desire to achieve a simpler life. I have a small circle of friends, and am reasonably close to what is most of my decreasing family. But when I am in contact with less close people who can " suck " some of our energy from us ,I know to keep them at bay a little. So maybe subconsciously I choose easier people to enhance my life whilst always being there for all I love? Trying to share an equality of need and giving?

The day to day aspects of life can be complicated for all of us, the mundane running a house and the lives within it, the bills etc. I know I am learning to deal with these with as little anxiety as possible. Stress does make me feel worse. My attitude is changing. I don't want as much stress, I want things as simple as possible, so I deal with them as best I can as quickly as I can. And that change can only come from within.
Sounds obvious.. But I have always been a worrier. Now, I am less so. Because my body and mind deserves better.

Hormones. Oh that's a while different story... But I won't scare you. I have only ever been in 2 forums in my life, a menopause one, and this lovely forum. So I have spent 2 years speaking online only to women. And we cover ever single subject in vivid detail... So all forgive me if I overstep the mark and Toronto the dark side hormonal speaking!
But yes, I have regained some control there too, it was unbelievably scary for me, I am on a level hrt and again, as you imply the knowledge of what causes us to feel they way we do with some symptoms, well that means we can learn how to move on better. Took me 18 months to get there, but am doing ok.

As fibro symptoms and osteoarthritis ( and now maybe rheumatoid arthritis ) also sadly close family deaths , came up all the same short period of time was pretty overwhelming.
But I accept all these things . I aim to live simply both physically and mentally\ emotionally. Work in progress but it's an insight into just how strong I can be - even on the bad days.

 

[Auriel]

I know ive had some DANGEROUS depression certain times of a month that have nearly tilted me the wrong way, so yeah hormones be causing havoc sometimes, also one time I couldn't find yoghurt in the supermarket and nearly started bawling (so yeah these hormones got a lot answer for!)