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Fishinabowl

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Hello Everyone,

I am new and my name is Fishinabowl. Call me Fishy for short.

I am a caregiver of my boyfriend who has Fibro. Lately things are just getting me down so I am going to vent a little. Feel free to comment or not.
My boyfriend was diagnosed in October of 2012 and I have been taking care of him since a few months before that. Our relationship has been through ups and down because of multiple life complications but is doing better now.

Although I didn't feel depressed just 2 weeks ago, I feel very 'under the weather' mentally/emotionally. I have a hard time doing anything for myself and having a life of my own but I am continually working on it. I am alone a lot of the time when my boyfriend is asleep or laying down from pain. So I can't help but feel utterly alone even though I am getting more used to it and do go out with friends sometimes. My problem is I am doing so much housework lately and taking care of him as well that I feel like I CAN'T have a life of my own because I am busy at home. Home feels like work and it feels as if I can never REALLY get away. I have a hard time trying to tell myself its not his fault, and I know it isn't, but it is so hard not to be cynical or negative that I feel like I have a thankless job even though he does thank me sometimes.

I don't know. Its just hard because I have panic/anxiety of my own and am beginning to have panic attacks again because of all this. I don't know what the difference is between my control last week and now this week, but the difference is remarkable. Thanks for listening.:-|
 
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Oh Fishy I read your post and thought I was reading something that I had written. I know exactly how you feel as I feel exactly the same. I also am caring for my boyfriend, the only difference is he has melanoma and I have fibromyalgia. I know the feeling of doing so much, housework, cooking and caring and feeling like it isn't noticed. I also suffer depression and anxiety and feeling very emotionally drained right now. I also don't know why sometimes I can be happy and sometimes I just can do nothing but cry. I wish I had some answers for both of us. Just know we are not alone, I know it helps me a little to know there are others feeling the same as I do. I hope you find a little happiness soon.
 

Fishinabowl

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Thank you so much! Just to be acknowledged brings me a lot of positive reinforcement.:oops:
 

Fishinabowl

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A little update. My boyfriend's 5 day flare is ongoing and I am feeling excessively alone. I am going to try and have time with a friend and go walking to see if that helps. Does anyone have any ideas of what to do for loneliness?
 

mariposa

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A little update. My boyfriend's 5 day flare is ongoing and I am feeling excessively alone. I am going to try and have time with a friend and go walking to see if that helps. Does anyone have any ideas of what to do for loneliness?

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this and feeling alone. :( I think the answer to your question is something you're already doing. Well two things, actually... planning things with friends... walking is great, but what I meant originally is coming here to look for others in your situation... seeking support, and I see that you already found someone with the same feelings. That's always so important to know that others are there to support us and are going through many of the same things we are going though.
 

Fishinabowl

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Thank you so much. I am not sure otherwise what to do than what I am doing. I did join a church today. That helps.
 

exploreandrespawn

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Apr 7, 2013
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45
Diagnosis
11/1995
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il
I am so sorry for you at this moment...I was a caregiver for about 7 years and it is very difficult, even if it is a loved one, it does not make it any easier. I am very concerned for your emotional health. I know how hard it can be, very draining and isolating. I will tell you something that always made me feel better.

I always considered the loved one I was caring for. I always considered that person, and how relieved they were, that someone would always be there for them when they needed something. It always helped me to remember that I was the one shining spot in their lives, that I was all they had, the one who lifted them on the toilet, make their beds. I think that it helps to remember that when the person you are caring for thinks about you, that person feels gratitude and relief.

I understand you post. I do wish you all the best in your life, keep posting, and we'll chat again. Be blessed.
 

Vshumphries

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Fishy and all others who are caring for those of us who can't care for ourselves

On behalf of your loved ones and myself I want to say thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Thank you for loving us enough to take on the extra work we can not help with. Thank for helping us with our personal needs when we can not take care of ourselves. Please know as you struggle so do we. We struggle with loosing our independence, with the fact we are a burden to you and the loss of a life we had planned with you. You are amazing and our strength. You are the people we often feel we don't deserve and wonder why you stay when your life would be better off without us.

We want to share our life, what little we have with you. So let's plan a picnic in the warm sun by a pond or lake. Bring the dry laundry to us turn on a funny movie and let's fold together. Even if you fold more than us just say thank you and we feel needed and useful. We feel like we have lightened your burden even in a small way.

Again thank you for loving us and know when you are tired its ok to rest and the house isn't perfect. When you are lonely we understand and are here to love as much as you love us. You are the angels we were blessed with and even if we don't say it enough we love you.

Valerie
 
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1sweed

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Fishinabowl,
I know what your going through. I am caring for my mother and it often seems like her needs are never met. I plan to go to church and something happens and I have to cancel. I want to invite friends over but she does not want company in the house. I feel very wore out most of the time and lots of nights I fall asleep at the keyboard. It is lonely and depressing at times, but she needs me and one day she will be gone, so even though it hurts me now physically and mentally, I must relax and enjoy the moments we have together now.

What I do is try and relax by reading a good book or taking a nap or a bubble bath. I watch good movies that cheer me up. I go walking with friends and call friends whom I miss seeing. Plus I come here and sharing thoughts and feelings with all of you and by helping a bit it cheers me up. Try to do a few things a day, then go somewheres for a few hours on your own. Vist a friend or go out to lunch with a friend. Take time for yourself, because if you get to rundown your not good for anyone else. Let us know how things go for you. :)
 

candygirl

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Hi,

You mentioned anxiety and depression and even if these are just temporary emotions because of your situation, these things still might help. Skullcap is really good for anxiety. I find that anxiety is the source of a lot of depression for me but if the depression persists, then St. John's Wort might be in order for you.

Actually, in thinking more about your post though, you might want to start the St. John's Wort first. Be aware though, the first week you take the St. john's wort (the $4 one at walmart is fine) you will feel like you live on a cloud, but that will go away and then you'll just be happier and more well-adjusted but it won't be a feeling, it will just be. The skullcap is more of a feeling of pleasantness and peace which makes you feel more discernibly healed in my opinion, but I think that depends on your physiological makeup too. The vitamin shoppe skullcap is the one I've had experience with.
 

Libragirl67

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Hi Fishy, Well first of all I really do applaud the fact that you are being such a great girlfriend to your guy. He is very lucky to have a girlfriend who loves and cares for him so much. So God bless you for being there for him and sacrificing your own needs. But you do ned to try to make some time for yourself as well. You will inevitably drive yourself mad if you do not get an outlet or someone to spend time with. Allow yourself that time Fishy. Is there anyone else who can give you even a few hours of a break time. So you can get away for awhile? Even being on here may be a comfort to you in time as well. There are alot of people on here who know exactely how you feel and what you are going through.

If you absolutely cannot leave home, at least give yourself some time to breath deeply and meditate, read, or even listen to some music. Be gracious to yourself, and when you feel overwhelmed take a moment for yourself.
 

Fishinabowl

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Thank you everyone. I have discovered that I am too attached to my phone when I leave him at the house. I've gotten several comments about it and I learned that I check my phone at least ever 5 minutes when I am gone. So one of my goals is to not check it so often.

I do not take enough time for myself, no. I know this. But I also don't know how to take care of myself very well. I don't know how to make it so I can just NOT worry.

I really appreciate everyone's support/ advice.
 

Fishinabowl

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Also, the anxiety and depression are what I had before all this. I've struggled with it all my life SO much.
 

mariposa

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Also, the anxiety and depression are what I had before all this. I've struggled with it all my life SO much.

Hi Fishy... Just checking in on you because I see that you haven't posted for a week. How has your boyfriend's Fibro been this week? Flaring, or one of the better weeks?

And has that anxiety and depression resolved even a little bit for you?
 

Fishinabowl

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I just posted a thread about what has been going on recently in the general discussion. Check there.
 
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