I'm new, but I need to vent BAD.

[LittleOrchid]

Hello everyone,
I hate to start off my time here with a vent like this but I feel like I have no one to talk to who "gets it" and if I don't off load some of what I'm going through right now, I'm going to explode I think. Please bear with me if I seem fragmented... I'm mid flare and utterly exhausted right now and I feel like my brain is mush.

I'm a Mom of 3 kids, two of which are teens and one of them is an extremely challenging child and always has been. This kid has the ability to just suck any little bit of energy I had right out of me, and today is no exception. She's all about the power struggles and has major issues with authority and namely, doing any kind of chore or getting off her butt is a instant way to get her going usually. She "fights dirty" and often will spout some horrible things to get you riled up and to divert the attention off what she's supposed to be doing because she knows that I'm easy to mix up and throw off track.

Today it's mowing the lawn. The proverbial poo hit the fan and she went off on me. I went from having enough energy to carry out making dinner and possibly baking a pie to being in my office with the door shut, so exhausted that my eyes are burning trying to stay awake, in a period of half an hour. I'm literally going to bed as soon as I write this.

The exhaustion I've dealt with lately has been pretty intense and I've had a lot of like "micro flare ups" that last a day or two and then I'm kinda ok, but only until something like this comes along and knocks the wind out of my sails. And the stress the last couple months has been on-going for me.

I'm just so tired and frustrated because I feel like there are times that my family know that certain things are going to set off a flare in me but they just don't care. I feel often like no one takes my condition seriously. It's a crappy place to be. I don't have any friends with Fibro, so here I am, because I figure surely someone here must "get it".

I also have depression but lately, because of how much of a yo yo I've been physically, my mental health isn't in the best place.

Thank you to anyone who read/listened to me. I really appreciate it.

 

[Eyesup]

No need to apologize for coming here to vent. That is what this section is for. It was created because Soooo many of us have felt what your feeling.
I too have a 19yr old that seams determined to suck the life clean out if me. He had me on my knees this past March. He was relentless, knowing I was to week to stand up to his behavior he almost seemed to take pleasure in bullying me. I had a stress induced heart attack the year b4 while trying to just get him graduated from high school so it's not like he didn't know the possable consequences to his behavior. He straitened up for a short while (I assume because he knew we no longer HAD to provide for him since he turned 18. But I was wrong. The bottom line...Kids are selfish by nature. Some more then others. Spouses/partners can also be selfish at times. I think the lack of awareness and the fact that we don't look sick and have times when we are noticeably improved people don't take it to be the serious and sometimes devastating disease.
I also didn't know a single person with FMS. I had no idea what I was in for when I first got diagnosed. I was thinking great, now we know the culprit of my problems so now we could treat them. I couldn't have been more wrong. Treatment of corse is not cut and dry and even if you are able to get it under good control, you can't control the stress life will hand you and I don't think there is enough pills in the world that could undo the stress from an unruly child.
I know it's not much to tell you your not alone but the one encouraging thing I hold onto is they won't be selfish kids forever! True, they can become selfish adults but not likely to be selfish forever, I don't know how old your daughter is other then teenager. But even if just 13 you only have a few years to go before your not obligated to allow her in your home.
If you can, get yourself some "me time", a massage by a therapist that's familiar with FMS would give you both 30-90 minutes of no outside stresses and hopefully give you some physical relief.
If you need a shoulder please feel free to message me.

Oh, and welcome to the forum.

 

[LittleOrchid]

Oh Eyesup, you hit the nail on the head there... and yes, it is enough to know that I'm not alone... it's so hard having a challenging child because under it there is that feeling of guilt that you've caused this, you've been a horrible Mom, etc. And with that goes the shame of not wanting to admit that you have a kid that is a flat out bully because of how evil other parents think you are for even talking about your child in a negative light. You get bashed to hell and back. But yes, I believe there are some kids that are just, well... rotten!
My daughter is 14 years old and in 8th grade. She was homeschooled most of her life until this year when we moved to a better neighborhood and we decided to try all the kids in public school. I've had issues with this child since she was 4 years old. The older she gets, the worse she gets. And yes, I have sat and told myself "4 more years... you only have to deal with this for 4 more years..." but as a parent, I then feel instantly guilty and horrible for thinking that.
She's nasty to her siblings but not to the extent that she is to me. Outside of the home she is a completely different person. It's like Jekyll and Hyde! She is sweet as pie and obedient and helpful. She's a straight A student, running for student council, etc. It's insane! Thank GOD she is very mindful of needing to have excellent grades for her college future. Hopefully she'll get a scholarship and get outta here! I have a feeling she'll change some once she's out in the real world and having to fend for herself. But I feel horrible for admitting that there are days that I'm counting the years till she's out. It's absolutely exhausting.
Thank you SO much for responding!