Sex

[Forgetmenot]

weil don't take a lot of working out I no lol,just feel like a good old moan, I always has a great sex live and drive , now most days my mind says yes and my body says noooooo.
I no hugging and kissing helps but it's me who's fed up with having to pick and choose if I can or can't. I hate not being able to just get in the moment , 😡

 

[terbaer]

I agree wholeheartedly! Love it, but my body won't cooperate all the time. Thank goodness I have an understanding spouse...I always hope that things in my body will at some point align so I have normal days again. Seems like I have some kind of flare, whether it's fibro or colitis/IBS, and the fatigue has been really bad lately. Good luck to you!

 

[cherrygirl]

Lyrica has greatly been able to help me have sex again with no pain, my sex drive is also better :S Which would seem unusual but I think because my pain is less . Still have a lot of pain but atleast those awful nerve sensations and hyper-sensitivity is dampened.

 

[Forgetmenot]

Thanks for replys .always nice to no your not alone. Glad u found something to help u cherry girl.terbeaer I no what u mean I never seem to have flares I seem to be in a never ending one. My other half is very understanding bless him ,but I'd reather push myself once a week then lose that contact if u no what I mean.

 

[terbaer]

I definitely know what you mean Forgetmenot!

Awesome Cherrygirl! Lyrica didn't help me in that way. It took the edge off the pain, but it didn't last. Trying Cymbalta right now. I'm not sure I like it either.

 

[Forgetmenot]

I've never tired them but I'm on amitripoline which is meant to help nerve pain ,been on it along time so I'm sure it is helping, but can't tell unless I stop it . Which I can't or I'd never sleep lol. I've now found onces a week seems to work ok for now, enough to keep us close .long enough to miss it long enough to make the painful effort lol,

 

[terbaer]

I used Amitryptoline before as well. I think it worked pretty good, but gave me such dry mouth. I'd love weekly! Hmmm, maybe I'll have to challenge myself. I don't know if you've heard of Dr. Jenn, but she's a sex therapist that I just love listening too. She says ya gotta use it or your drive drops. I haven't been paying attention to when we do, but I'm sure it isn't that often. Ya, a challenge......Tee hee!

 

[Eff fibro]

You are not alone! Half the time I'm so exhausted that the thought of fooling around is more than I can bear. I want to say "let me lie here, you do your thing" but that removes intimacy. To be honest, I'm 31 y/o and push myself to have sex 2-3 times/month... I know, that's pretty awful, right? My other half is very understanding and never makes me feel bad, but on occasion reminds me that he has needs. Because sex is painful (idk if mine is fibro related, it's always hurt to some extent), I build up anxiety about it. I start thinking "Ok, tonight I have a little energy, I should initiate something..." then I start thinking about the pain and get very anxious... sometimes I'm able to work through the anxiety, sometimes I keep to myself wishing I could have a normal sex life. Sometimes I cry, knowing my hunny isn't as satisfied as I wish I could make him. He knows its not a lack of love or attraction, its anxiety, pain, and fatigue, but that doesn't change the fact his needs aren't usually met well.
Is your sex-related pain due to fibro? Is it localize "down there" or is it the general body pain that makes it difficult? I feel for you, and again, you're not alone!

 

[terbaer]

Eff Fibro, I don't know if the pain you are describing is fibro related. It isn't for me. I have never had pain during the act in that area. I might suggest talking to a gynecologist. I have pain in my hips and back and neck along with ongoing headaches. I'll usually keep on going if it seems like we're headed in that direction. My hubby says he'll help to take the pain away..Hahaha.

I am so sorry you hurt there and I can understand the anxiety that it will hurt before you even start if that's what usually happens. Unfortunately, with that mindset it will likely guarantee that it will. For that, I would highly recommend a pain psychologist. They can help you to work on thinking differently so you aren't so anxious or anticipating pain. It's kinda personal, but do you try different positions? Sometimes adjusting position can shift things around a little that it can put pressure in other areas and relieve pressure in others. I know some positions are much more comfortable than others, but none are painful (Unless I get a butt cramp! Which does happen a bit! LOL). I truly would explore the sex-related pain and anxiety around it. I just wonder why it hurts. Is it the stretch to accommodate or because of the length?

I find I don't have sex as much as I'd like because of the lack of energy and fatigue, and the meds make it hard to ummm, get there completely, if you know what I mean. I have a husband who LOVES to work hard to try and get me there, which can be quite humorous for us. I'm of the mindset that it is what it is so make the best of it (said she who use to easily have multiples) ;-)

Good luck to you. I do hope you try and get some answers. You could find a whole new world if you could lessen the pain or have some pain-free episodes....

 

[Eff fibro]

Thanks for your reply terbear. I've been to the gyno regularly... probably more than most. I just had an ultrasound to check for PCOS (anyone know of a link between fibro and PCOS?) My gyn says there's nothing physically causing pain. I do have a pre-cancerous condition for which treatment leaves me in pain, but when I'm not having treatment related pain, intercourse hurts. I'm pretty positive it's because my hunny is TOO well endowed, and YES there is such a thing! When you cannot have sex because he's so big... its not fun. We try different positions, various lubes, and often end up fooling around instead of actually having sex. He says the intimacy from a "hand session" is enough to satisfy him most of the time so that helps. We've found great enjoyment in our fool around sessions. after struggling to "do it" once a month I started pushing myself to put out in other ways and I didn't expect such results! It was almost MORE intimate to reach climax without actual intercourse, for both of us! It brought us closer and took pressure off me, knowing I could satisfy him without enduring pain. And he enjoyed getting pleasured without seeing me fighting back tears. I can only imagine its difficult for him when we try to have sex and either cant because of the pain, or he sees me fighting back tears. He says he doesn't like hurting me and it makes him feel guilty for wanting it despite my pain. Of course I tell him not to feel bad, that *I* feel bad, but it's bound to happen.
I never knew there was such a thing as a pain psychologist! That sounds like it'd def be helpful. I try to do deep breathing and relaxation when I feel the anxiety, sometimes it helps, sometimes not. I will be looking into that for sure! Thanks for sharing your experiences and advice!

 

[Forgetmenot]

Well if your not relaxed its makes it ten times worse. U tighten up as u no. And hubby being a tent pole don't help hehe. Trust me I no where u are I was married to someone who was one step of a tripod.so u till u can relax don't even go there, what your doing is just as good.xxxx

 

[terbaer]

Eff Fibro (love the name by the way), I'm glad to hear you are exploring other ways and yes, it can be more intimate. There is a book titled "101 Nights of Grrreat Sex". It is 101 different envelopes that have a title for each and they identify whether they involve travel and whether there is a cost involved. We bought it probably 15 years ago and have enjoyed it here and there. It's a good reminder that I should bring it back out! They are titled "for his eyes only" and "for her eyes only". Many of the ones we've done are for home. They are fun and don't necessarily require actual intercourse. I'd describe a few in a PG way, but don't want to offend anyone and I don't want to give anything away. Let's just say for anyone who has pain involved in intercourse, I would HIGHLY recommend you try it. Who knows, if you get as turned on by the anticipation as I did, maybe you'd be more relaxed and ready that it won't hurt. As I said, it's fun and highly empowering....Let me know what you think of #1! (I had to go find my book to look up the one I was thinking about for you to try!) Hee hee!...

Good luck!

 

[Josee51]

Wow! It's great to see we can talk about anything and everything. I was diagnosed officially today but I knew for 2 years I had Fibro and....it's about the last time (2 years) that my hubby and I were intimate
He's very understanding and even if he's 57 years old, his sex drive was calling every day. I'm 51, with Fibro and menopause, I love my husband deeply but sex is like not even in my mind right now. Hopefully with the meds and some energy coming back, I will be able to want to get intimate. I like what was said above by terbaer: you gotta use it or your drive drops. Well it dropped for me.

Thanks for that post as it's always reasuring to know we are not alone.

 

[terbaer]

Oh Josee51, you are definitely not alone. I'm 50 and have a whole host of things that make it difficult and less drive. Read the post above yours. I would highly recommend the book. They are actually fun and kinda get the juices flowing in anticipation. It's an inexpensive thing to try for something that should still be in our lives. Good luck to you! Hey, I'll talk about anything if it will help others! Maybe that's my next career! LOL.....

 

[Forgetmenot]

Well I did it , I want a medal hehe.or at lest a gold star. But poor OH was worried sick as I needed help getting up and getting to bed. I've not the heart to tell him it's the fibro making me shake and weak kneed , oh well at lest one of us has a nice big grin on his face .