Old 04-07-2016, 01:25 PM #1
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Default So down

I am so down today. I told my husband I am physically, emotionally, and mentally tired. Everything thing hurts even my butt cheeks. I was thinking that the medication I was on was finally starting to help with the depression but today I'm not so sure. Maybe I'm just having a bad day. I found out yesterday that my cat is in the early stages of kidney failure and will have to be on special food for the rest of his life. Between the wet and the dry it will run me around $80.00 a month and I'm not sure I can afford that. I am seriously considering having him put to sleep. He has had a good life. He is 17 years old and is having difficulty moving around any more. That is just another stresser added to the other stress I am going through. I am still in a lot of pain from my should surgery which I had last October. I saw my doctor and he said I can expect to be in pain for at least a year maybe more. Had I known that I never would have had the surgery. I have to do physical therapy at home because I can't afford to go see the physical therapist everyday. Some days I just can't bring my self to do it but I do because I know it will help me in the long run. I am on the verge of tears as I write this. I hate to cry because it upsets my husband so much but I just get to the point where I just can't control it. When I get to that point I will take a shower and cry in the shower so he can't hear me. Sorry about the pity party but I am just not feeling very cheerful today.
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Old 04-07-2016, 02:20 PM #2
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Default Re: So down

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Originally Posted by Krista Dillon View Post
I am so down today. I told my husband I am physically, emotionally, and mentally tired. Everything thing hurts even my butt cheeks. I was thinking that the medication I was on was finally starting to help with the depression but today I'm not so sure. Maybe I'm just having a bad day. I found out yesterday that my cat is in the early stages of kidney failure and will have to be on special food for the rest of his life. Between the wet and the dry it will run me around $80.00 a month and I'm not sure I can afford that. I am seriously considering having him put to sleep. He has had a good life. He is 17 years old and is having difficulty moving around any more. That is just another stresser added to the other stress I am going through. I am still in a lot of pain from my should surgery which I had last October. I saw my doctor and he said I can expect to be in pain for at least a year maybe more. Had I known that I never would have had the surgery. I have to do physical therapy at home because I can't afford to go see the physical therapist everyday. Some days I just can't bring my self to do it but I do because I know it will help me in the long run. I am on the verge of tears as I write this. I hate to cry because it upsets my husband so much but I just get to the point where I just can't control it. When I get to that point I will take a shower and cry in the shower so he can't hear me. Sorry about the pity party but I am just not feeling very cheerful today.
Hi Krista, I'm so sorry to hear about your cat...I have a 3-year old and can only imagine what I'll be like when she's 17 (god-willing) and in that scenario. Knowing he's had a good life is what matters! Did the Vet say what they think is best? You are in my thoughts...

This condition will exhaust even the strongest person, so don't be hard on yourself if you are tired (in any and every way). And - I'm not being funny - my butt cheeks hurt a lot! ... it breaks my heart to hear that you cry in the shower like that...I'm sure your husband just doesn't know what to do when you cry (what guy does??), but when you're having a bad day like this one, you have to let it all out!!!

Did your doctor give you any ways of coping with the pain? Just be patient with yourself. And when you're having a particularly bad day, don't discount your feelings...we go through enough physically. You're not having a pity party - you're only human!
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Old 04-07-2016, 03:01 PM #3
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Default Re: So down

Oh krista, your post made me want to cry. I came to forum today to blog, but I got side tracked and now I'm glad I did. Here I have for you a vrtual shoulder to lean on (let's be glad it's virtual as my real ones are old, tiered, worn out and not to pretty to look at!). We have all had our rotten down in the dump days (one of my worst is in "moan and complain" I used to pray God would come get me, and i held back some in it!).
The first thing is you have a right to feel depressed and sometimes it feels better just accepting it rather then fighting it. 17 years is a good life for a cat, you've clearly taken good care of him. $80 is a lot, have you checked with local animal rescues/organizations to c if they could help? Sometimes a vet may even cut you a break. Craig's list, I would scower the listings, when our old neighbors moved they left behind a GIANT bag of dog food, my lab has a sensitive stomach so to spare our noses (and probably out neighbors) I posted it free on there. I was shocked how many needed it. Then if no luck, post your own, you never know who might have a supply they don't need anymore or even willing to expand some funds to help.
I was looking at possably having to find my lab a home because I had reached a dark dark day when I realized I wasn't able to exersise him anymore, I couldn't even grip the ball let alone throw it. I cried for days. Looking at not even being able to afford to hire someone to come walk (run) him. OMG I tear up to think of it now. (I've had some break threws over the past few weeks and we've played ball)! But the stress that caused me was overwhelming and yes very depressed.

You are both brave and not alone in trying to hide your tears from a loved one. He loves you and I'm sure will love you just the same but since I do it sometimes too I can't lecture or give advice in this one.

Shoulder surgery...I'm at a loss, this one bites too. Keep doing what you can for now, maybe the healing process will kick in and make up for lost time. I've read a lot in here from other having shoulder and knee surgery that took along while to heal.
Money....I've FINEALLY come to accept it doesn't seem to matter how much we have it is always spoken for and or snatched up by a just out of warranty vehicle blowing the tranny, a trip to the ER or one of the kids in crisis. God has always come through, I could win the lottery tomorrow (if I bought a ticket) and by Monday the money would be gone and I'ld be scratching my head.

I know not all want to hear about God so if your one who doesn't, this is where you should stop reading my post. But he's brought me through what I shouldn't have made it through nor did I deserve his mercy. When life was sucked clean out of me and I no longer even sent prayers, I was FINEALLY still and quiet and that's when he stepped in. I couldn't get to that place with out him knocking me off my knees and disabling me completely b4 I let go. Yes, let go and let God. Or you can do like I did and keep trying to do it yourself.

Please feel free to vent anytime, I actually wished I had done more of it when I started out, I'm not sure why i kept it to myself in hind sight, even if someone here had judged me or added to my stress with a crapoy answer, I didn't have to accept them. Hmmm

So there you have it, long winded "your not alone" (your REALLY not) virtual shoulder from a real person that feels your real pain. I know it's not much. It's all I have to give you right now. That and a big, gentle virtual hug.
I'm open to any venting you want to do. I may not have answered, I may not even get it but I will wipe your tears the best I can and hold your hand virtually!
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Old 04-07-2016, 07:43 PM #4
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Default Re: So down

I'm so sorry to hear your are feeling so down, you are not alone. I completely understand how depression is like, a lot people don't get it and often make a lot condescending comments when you dare to say you suffer from depression (I often ignore those comments), and it's kind of hard to ignore at times.

I know it's hard, but please don't make any important decisions right now you are feeling down... i'm talking about your cat. I have no opinion on this issue, but I think you should really wait to feel ok again before you make a decision regarding to putting it to sleep or else you might regret it later. Wait to feel ok again and think about it well. If you make this decision in this state odds are you will end up regretting it.
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Old 04-09-2016, 01:54 PM #5
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Default Re: So down

Hi Krista i missed this post and i second all that Eyesup says. I don't have hand power to type the long reply i'd like too.

I understand about your cat. I adored my too and eventually lost them age 17 and 18 in the last couple of years. Maybe don't rush this decision while you are feeling so fragile.

I remember your posts about the shoulder surgery last year and at the time i thought how brave you were to undertake it with fibro too.

I pray it will improve soon and that the depression lifts as i know you were searching for ages for meds to help you. Take Care.
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Old 04-10-2016, 01:19 AM #6
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Default Re: So down

Krista, I'm sorry to hear about your cat. It is so hard to make tough decisions for our companions. I had a cat who was very dear to me who became very ill after a good long life. I chose to put her down rather than see her in pain. I cried so hard my face went numb. These things are just painful.

Sometimes the first option the vet presents is not the only option. If you tell the vet you can't afford the cat food tey might give you another option.

You are a strong lady - you made it through the surgery, you are doing your PT even though it hurts, you are trying to protect your husband from your tears. We are all sending you our supportive thoughts and prayers. Trellum has good advice - don't decide about your cat while you are feeling down.
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Old 04-12-2016, 03:38 AM #7
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Default Re: So down

Take heart Krista Dillon. You are in the same boat of suffering with your trusted set. And the costs are prohiblitive both ways. Its true physiotherapy can be expensive but have you tried walking therapy which is free? You can also break out of the cocoon and be a master of your own destiny. The war against fibro can be won in the mind. I have a chronic dental pain which I have willed into submission. Refuse to be a victim and go all out. You can establish liaison with a pain specialist or rheumatologist for a better opinion. Keep your ear on the ground and learn about fibro including news of latest research on simple and alternative lifestyle therapies which work quite well.
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Old 04-12-2016, 04:16 PM #8
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Default Re: So down

Your cat has had a wonderful long live.i remember having my Sam a dog put to sleep he was 19.he could of kept going longer but we knew it was time.
That's never going to be easy,but at that age your not going to help him that much by keeping him going.so try to remember that sweetie.
Most of us hide when we cry.well I do.
Ain't depressed meds take about 3 months to really work , but six weeks should make a difference.if you don't think there helping go back to the dr and ask for something new.
My knees cripple me some days.ive had lots done on them .over the years u just learn to cope somehow.it becomes normal after a while.
That don't mean I don't moan like a ***** about it.grins.
Take heart you have a husband who cares most of us are alone,well I'd get a cup of tea and a cheer up .anymore then that and it would be easier to ask dog for some understanding.
And anyway that what we're here for,we're here when no one else is xxxx
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Old 04-13-2016, 07:22 AM #9
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Default Re: So down

I personallythink that if it ever happened to my cat, I would be so sad about it, for real, however you should try to get in a better mood by doing some different stuff in yourdaily basis from today, you should start watching some new programs, search up for some good videos on youtube, have fun as long as you can, otherwise you're going to be feeling bad all the time and I Do notreally think that is good for you whatsoever.
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